


Fading Away

by tinakegg



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Minor Character Death, Multi, Self-Harm, Weddings, terminal illnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-04-26 02:16:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 67,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4986220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinakegg/pseuds/tinakegg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rae's mum gets sick, and Rae comes home to Stamford to help so her sister can go to uni. So the gang are in their thirties and some of the story will be told in flash back. The subject matter is based off what my grandma went through and the story hits close to home for me, I don’t think this has been done before but I haven’t read every mmfd fan fic so I don’t know lol.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fading Away part one

Rae stood by the newly dug grave the smell of the dirt permeated her nose; she was the last one there as the other mourners had left for the swan. She watched as the casket was lowered into the ground, the misty rain mingled with her tears, she was surprised she had any left to shed at all. She could smell the flowers from friends and family all surrounding the grave, there bright colors seemed out of place for such a sorrowful, gloomy autumn day. She saw a single yellow leaf dance in the wind as it brought a chill to the air; Rae crossed her arms tighter around her in a vain attempt to keep warm against the cold. She felt numb, emotionally drained after five years of helping take care of the woman that raised her, watching her boisterous, vibrant mum become a hollow empty shell. Fading away in front of her like that of vibrant colored furniture faded from the suns rays over time. The call Rae had been dreading, knew would come as her mum’s health deteriorated over the last few months, had finally came four days ago. Her mums nurse called telling Rae, still groggy with sleep; her mother had passed away in the night peacefully. Rae thought she had prepared her self mentally and emotionally. Felt like over the last few years she had been in a state of mourning since her mothers diagnoses. She should have been ready for this day but no amount of perpetration made Rae ready for the finality of that call. For this final heartbreak, to be left with nothing but memories and a few letters from her mum.

“Girl, ya ready to go?” Finn asked softly, wanting to get Rae out of the cold and go to the swan were every one was waiting. Finn stayed behind to drive her to the pup but held back to give Rae her time with her mum alone.

“Yeah.” Rae said hollowly, a part of her hoped this was a just a nightmare that she would wake any moment, her mum would be as before and whole again. Finn reached out his hand to her for her to take; she took his hand noticing the bit of dirt left on her hand from throwing some on her mums casket earlier. Another tear slips down her face; Finn gently wipes it away as they make there way to the car. He opened the car door for her as she got in than walked around to the drivers side getting in.

“Do ya want to listen to some music girl?” Finn looked at Rae with such heartbreak in his eyes for her, wanting so badly to take away this pain from her and angry that he couldn’t.

“Yeah, t…that’s ok with me.” Rae said with that same hollow voice as before but Finn picked up the weariness in her tone. Rae looked out the window to the cemetery as Finn put in a mixed tape in from there collage years, happier years when they were together until after Rae's first year of uni when the long distance took its toll on there relationship and they both mutually ended things but had stayed friends. The sounds of oasis came on threw the car speakers, a ghost of a smile appeared on Rae's face as she closed her eyes the familiar tune making her wish for those simpler times back.

“Thank you Finn for being by my side today.” Rae said appreciatively giving him a smile that did not quite reach her eyes.

“You don’t have to thank me Rae; you know I’d do anything for ya.” Finn reached out to hold Rae's left hand giving it a squeeze. He started the car and drove them the short way to the swan.

“I-I know Finn, I just wanted to let you know…life’s to short to take things for granted .” Rae gave Finn a small smile before turning to look out the window at the passing scenery.

“Yeah…it is.” Finn said quietly

They pulled up near the swan and parked the car. Finn and Rae got out of the car and walked next to each other, Finn pulled the pub door open for Rae and him as they both walked inside. They let there eye adjust to the change in intensity of the bright light outside to the dimmer light of the pup. Rae told Finn she would join the gang in a bit, she needed to find Karim and her sister Aullra to help greet mourners and thank them for coming. Finn made his way to the table that the gang always sat at although it was more crowed than before. Chloe had flown in from Paris with her fiancé Rick. Archie and his husband of a year George after being together for five years prior had driven from London the day before for the funeral. Chop and his wife Sahra of seven years, who was expecting there second child lived in Stamford. Izzy had come back to town earlier that morning from the airport, she had just flown back from doing a photo shoot in the American southwest for a freelance photographer job. Danny had also lived in Stamford with his wife Rebecca of nearly ten years and there three kids.

“Hey guys! How’s it going? ” Finn gave the gang a warm smile, it was rare for the gang to be together like this now a days and Finn was happy with the reunion but wished it had been under better circumcises like the last time had been.

“Hey finny boy, fine considering…you know.” chop said uncharacteristically quietly for him. He gave Finn a small smile back than took a drink of his pint as the rest of the gang said there greetings to Finn with arch getting up to hug his best mate since primary school days.

“Hey Finn, so how’s Rae and the family holding up?” Archie asked what the rest of the gang were wondering. Finn pulled up a char from the next table and sat next to arch as he sat back down next to George.

“As well as can be expected but it helps that her friend and family are here for her.” Finn looks over to Rae now standing next to her sister and Karim. There eyes meet and they smile at the other.

“This seems so unfair for Rae and her family especially now with Rae…well you know ” Chloe couldn’t say what every one was thinking, that it was a bittersweet time for Rae and the news she will never be able to tell her mum. Rick held Chloe tight to comfort her.

“Yeah it is Chloe but life is often unfair.” arch said sadly looking at Chloe while George held onto his hand in comfort as well. Finn took out some nicotine gum to chew; again, he was trying to quite being that it was imperative that he succeed this time.

“So how are you holding up Finn?” Izzy asks with concern while she was holding Chops and Sahra’s nearly four year old daughter lily asleep in her arms, Chop and Izzy had broken up the summer before her first year of uni as they realized they wanted different things in life but had remained close friends. Izzy had even introduced Chop to Sarah. They hit it off and after a year in half were married.

“I’m alright mostly I’m just trying to be there for Rae, she’s strong but can’t be all the time. Even strong people need someone to lean on.” Finn said thoughtfully as he looked at Rae again. The gang agreed Rae had been so strong helping her family these last few years especially that one when they nearly fell apart.

“Right I’m gonna get a drink anybody want anything?” Chop asked, the gang told Chop there orders and him and Sahra went to get the drinks. Soon they were back with water for Sahra due to her condition and the drinks for the gang. The gang had settled into a nice conversion about old times at the swan; however, the mood at the table was a bit subdued due to the occasion.

“Hiya, glad ya guys could make it.” Rae smiled at her friends but you could see the sadness in her eyes. Chloe, Izzy, and Sahra got up to give Rae a hug, Sahra had become a good friend to Rae over the last few years, Rae hugged them all back as new tears started to from. She could feel a familiar warmth in her hand as Finn took her hand, she could feel the outpouring of support in the squeeze of his hand. Rae smiled at him as she sat down next to him as the other girls went back to there seats.

“Danny I just want to thank you again for letting us rent out the pub for after the funeral especially on such short notice.” Rae looked at Danny appreciatively. Danny had bought the swan a few years back with his wife, he had wanted rename the pub the duck but thankfully Rebecca talked him out of it.

“Oh it’s no problem Rae I’m just happy to have helped ya family in any way I could, I‘m so sorry about ya loss. And Becky sends her regards and apologies for not being here” Danny shrugged apologetically, his wife had to go to take care of her sick mum while Danny’s parents took their kids for the day. Rae leaned over to give him a hug than gave Danny a smile in gratitude.

“Thank you Danny and give my regards to Becky, So Arch, Chlo, Iz how have ya three been? It’s been ages since I talked to ya last” Rae asked as she was trying not to think about the reason why everyone was meeting.

 

“Guess I’ll start, George and I got some big news…were moving in a bigger flat in London and…” Archie looked at George whispering in his ear asking if he wanted to tell the bigger news, George nodded his head yes.

“The reason why is the adoption went through last month and were going to be parents to a little girl from India. She will be with us in a couple of months.” George said emotionally, Arch put his arm around his shoulders tears of happiness in his eyes. There long journey to become parents was finally over. The gang all congratulated them, Finn gave arch a big hug at the happy news.

“I’m so happy for you both; you’ve been trying for so long now.” Rae was so happy for her friends and this happy news, if she let herself she could just imagine that this was just a regular reunion with the gang and not for such a mournful occasion. Fresh tears started to sting her eyes, she quickly blinked them away, and Finn gave her hand a squeeze.

“Yeah were very happy it’s finally happening.” arch said smiling at everyone.

“So Iz what about you? How was that photo shoot?” Rae asked wanting to know about her job, she just finished with in the states.

“ Well I was in the American southwest taking photos for a friends art book…it was just so amazing, the people, the food… the area itself just has a majestic beauty about it… it was just breathtaking.” Izzy said with such a passion that told you she loved her job of traveling the world and taking photos of the wonders on the planet.

“Oh iz you’ll have to show us pictures, it sounds so wonderful.” Chloe asked excitedly, she always loved hearing about Izzy's adventures and seeing her pictures she took of the world.

“I’ll show them to ya when I get them developed, I just didn’t get the time to yet because of the…you know.” Iz looked at Rae giving her a small smile, she did want to say the funeral was the reason she hadn’t developed the photos, didn’t think it needed saying.

“I’ll be excited to see them when you have the time to develop them iz, so that leaves you Chloe. What’s been going on with you and Rick?” Rae smiles back at Iz reassuringly than looked at Chloe.

“Oh bout the same really, I’m trying to work out this deal with the store and this up and coming designer and it’s been bit of a nightmare but its nothing I can’t handle.” Chloe worked at a posh department store in Paris, in the acquisitions dept where she wrote up contracts between the store and designers both established and new. Her fiancé is a chef at this little cafe by her home, a mutual friend introduced them at a party four years ago and they got on well and just last month they got engaged.

“Well if anyone can figure it out it will be you chlo.” Rae and Chloe smiled at each other both knowing Chloe was good at her job

“And I’m opening up a restaurant in a month, bit excited about it but nothing much else going on.” Rick took a drink of his pint, than put his arm around Chloe’s shoulders. They looked lovingly into each other’s eyes getting lost in there own world until Arch started to speak bringing them back into the real world.

“So what about you Finn what’s been going on at the radio station?” archer looked at Finn as he took a drink of his pint.

“Well I finality paid off the lone I got to buy the station, so own it free and clear now!” Finn smiled happily at Archie. Finn had stayed in Stamford and got a job at the radio station. Over the years he worked his way up to getting his own dj show, when he learned the old owner wanted to retire in a five or six years he decided to save up to buy it. With help from his dad, he was able to get loan to cover the rest of what he couldn’t save for. The old owner took Finn under his wing and helped him understand how to run a radio station; Finn has owned the station for six years now.

“That’s wonderful Finn congratulations!” Arch patted Finn on the back, proud of his friend knowing this was a dream of Finns since he was eight. The rest of the gang congratulated Finn on his news.

“Thanks guys it’s nice to not worry about loan payments now” Finn huffed out a laugh. The mood at the table was a bit lighter than before and conversation headed back to reminiscing about old time when they were teenagers and all the shenanigans they got in. Rae had become quite. Some of the stories reminded her of her mum that made her miss her more; she could not help but think back on that day in the doctor’s office. After getting the diagnosis for her mum, she still could not believe that in five years from hearing that word from the doctor that her mum was gone completely.

************************************  
Five years earlier…………

The doctor’s office must have been just painted you could smell fresh paint. It was quiet except for the sound of the clock on the wall ticking, the muffled sounds of the receptionist phone ringing and the breathing of the two women in the room. The news had been unexpected, a diagnosis that had no treatment, no cure. The doctor left the room to give Linda and Rae some time to process what they had just been told. Rae looked at the degrees on the wall, the fake hibiscus in the corner, photos of a happy family, the medical book on the shelves. Anywhere but at her mum, she felt like she would break down and cry if she did. Linda reached over for her daughters hand, took it and gave it a squeeze.

“Pet look at me…” Linda asked calmly, Rae turned to her mother reluctantly with tears in her eyes. “This is the hand of cards I’ve been dealt with. I have luckily been blessed with some good ones… you for one, your sister and karim. I need you to be strong for them pet, there going to need you… seeing as I’m not going to be around for them soon.” you could hear the hitch in her voice; Linda takes a deep breath trying not to cry.

“This isn’t fair mum… we should get a second opinion.” Rae had tears running down her face hoping the doctor had been wrong, that another doctor who knew what there were doing would tell them it was a mistake.

“Oh Rae this was my second opinion, I’ve already been to another doctor and they said the same thing.” Linda looked at Rae apologetically. Rae looked shocked and hurt her mother wouldn’t tell her this.

“You should have told me… I’m 33 years old mum; I’m not a child any more. I could have handled it.” Rae said with a bit of anger in her voice.

“I was hoping the diagnosis was wrong that today I would be told something different. Looks like I was wrong. I didn’t want to worry ya…I’m sorry” Linda looked down not quite sure what to do; the news had been devastating to hear the second time.

“I’m sorry mum this isn’t about me it’s about you.” Rae looked apologetically at her mum while reaching for her mums hand to hold it.

“That’s ok pet…everything is going to be fine.” Linda wasn’t quite sure even she believed that.

“How mum you herd what the doctor said, there’s no treatment for it or cure, just medicine to treat symptoms but…after that stops working…what’s been happening to you it just going to get worse.” Rae looked down trying not to cry, trying to be strong for her mum.

“ I know Rachel, but I can’t do anything about it… what I can do is talk to karim and your sister, tell them what’s happening, make perpetration's to make it easier for all of you for…the end.” Linda said in mix of an angry and sad tone to her voice. Linda got up to gathered her things. “Right if there was day for ice cream today would be it. Also I need to go to the store and get stationary, I’d like to start writing some letters to give to you , your sister and karim…for milestones…that I’ll… miss.” Linda was barely holding it together. She made her way to the door with Rachel following behind.

“I’ll meet you at the car mum, I need to get me bag, forgot it by the chair.”

“ Ok, I’ll be waiting for ya by the car.” Linda said quietly as she made her way out the room.

Rae went and got her bag from the floor by the chair, she started for the door than looked back to take a moment to take a deep breath and looked at the room that change everything for her and her family as the voice of the doctor echoes in her head…

_**“Hello Misses. Bohchtat, so the test results came back conclusive. There is no treatment or cure for what has been causing your memory lapses you have been suffering. There are medicines to treat symptoms but I am very sorry to tell you this but you have been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.”** _


	2. Fading Away part two

“Rae…Rae.” Finn called to her when she didn’t answer him.

“Oh what…sorry I was lost in thought.” Rae shook her head to clear it than looked at Finn. “What did ya say?”

“I just said your sister is trying to get your attention.” Finn smiled at her, than Rae looked at Aullra

“Do you want to read mum letter now?” Aullra asked hesitantly holding the letter in her hand close to her heart.

“Yeah that’s fine, I’ll be back in a little bit guys.” Rae got up as the gang told her they would see her in a bit back. Finn gave her hand one more squeeze than let go when Rae gave him a smile.

The two sisters found a secluded quiet spot to read their mums letter, over the years they had become precious to the family, a way for Linda to be with them. Aullra had already read her letter for when she graduated university earlier in the year. She had put it by her heart in a pocket underneath her graduation gown; it had made her feel like her mum had been next to her during the graduation ceremony.

“So do you want to open it or do you want me too?” Aullra asked looking at Rae as they sat down at the table.

“Why don’t we both open it” Rae looked at her sister than both of them opened it up together. Rae pulled out the letter than Aullra unfolded it.

 

 

**Dear, pets**

  
**Out of all the letters I've written this is one of the hardest to write because I have to image that you two will read this on the day or soon after I’ve passed on. I don’t want you to be sad girls, my suffering has ended and I’m sure all that was left of me was just an empty shell. I hope when you read this it will find you in happy lives. My dear Rae I want to thank you, I know you’ve put your life on hold to help take care of your family, I know you pet that’s what you would do. I am grateful and blessed to have a daughter like you; I wish I told you that more and it will be a regret of mine. I also feel you made sure Aullra got to university to fulfill her dreams of becoming a teacher; I want to thank you for that too. My dear Aullra I know you as well and the guilt you must have felt by going off to uni while your sister and dad took care of me but stop felling guilty or try to pet. Your sister and I agreed you should have your chance at being young, having a life of your own. Rae had her opportunity and wanted you to have the same as well. I am sure this has been hard on you both and my dearest Karim, I just want to say I miss you, I love you and I am so proud of my beautiful and strong daughters.**  
  
**Love your mum always xoxoxo**

 

 

“Mums right you know, you sacrificed so much for us.” Aullra said tearfully while being held by Rae, tears in her eyes as well.

“Oh my little strong one…” Aullra smiled at her nickname Rae gave her as a baby. “It was hard taking care of mum and then latter dad but I feel blessed to have spent what little time mum had, with her. I don’t feel I’ve sacrificed or put on hold my life. I did what I did so you could have a life of your own and I wanted too.” Rae gave her sister a watery smile.

“You had a life in London though, I still feel like I should have help more or not gone off to uni so soon.” Aullra said with guilt in her voice even though she did have fun with the friends she made in uni and loved being there, she still felt she should of sacrificed some of her life, not just Rae.

“Aullra listen to me right now, I did not have much of a life in London. Freelance writing work wasn’t always reliable, there was a lot of struggling and a lot of odd jobs to supplement my income, not to mention the string of relationships that never worked out cause they were never…well that’s nether here nor there. The point is when I moved back home I was able to find a good part time job, thanks to finn, a decent flat, thanks to chop, be able to help take care of mum and write in my free time. I agreed with mum that you needed to get your education and to figure out who you are and live your dream. Everyone deserves that chance. Now like mum said stop feeling guilty for it, ok…say ok Rae.” Rae said earnestly hoping to get through to her sister on the matter.

“Ok Rae.” Aullra said in mock annoyance than let out a light chuckle.

“Rae…thank you”

“For what?”

“For being the best big sister I could ever have.” Aullra gave Rae a big smile while hugging her.

“Well thank you for being the best little sister I could ever have and for giving me the best advise I’m so happy I listened to! I still can’t believe you’re almost twenty-two you’ve grown up so fast.” Rae pulled from the hug to giver her sister a proper smile.

“I love you Rae.” Aullra had tears running down her face, sniffing back more while wiping her face, huffing out a laugh.

“I love you too my little strong one…so how have ya been liking your teaching job?” Aullra had started a primary teaching job a few weeks before.

“Oh I love it Rae! The kids in my classroom are a challenge but so fun to teach.” Aullra beamed happily. Pretending to be a teacher had been a favorite game Rae’s sister like to play and eventually became a dream to do one day.

“Sounds wonderful, I’m so proud of you Aullra…seems like it was only yesterday I moved back home only to watch you go off to uni soon after. Time defiantly did go by fast.” Rae smiled at her sister thinking back on the day she moved back to Stamford.

 

 

*****************

 

 

Four years earlier……

 

 

 

“So this is the last box… it’s not labeled or anything, where do ya need it go Rae?” Finn asked as he was walking through Rae’s door to her new flat. Her family and some of the gang, Danny had to work at the pub to help out with a party and George had to stay in London for work as a last minute emergency kept him from going, had come to help Rae move in her nice one bedroom well lit spacious flat. Rae thought the best part about it was the rent. This was in thanks to Chop owning the rental property and giving Rae mates rates. It had been nearly a year since her mother’s diagnoses. The medicine she took for symptoms had helped for a while but was less effective as the days wore on. Rae’s sister was leaving for uni on Tuesday so Rae in the last few weeks made preparations to move back home. Finn had given her a part time job at the radio station so she could have a little income and still be able to help take care of her mum when Karim could not. Linda still had good days thanks to the medicine but the signs of her disease started to show more as the months went by.

“I’ll take that I-It’s just some private stuff I got to find a home for.” Rae nervously laughed, her eyes nearly bugged out. She knew exactly what was in the box, it had been mementos of her and Finn’s life together that she never had the heart to throw away or give back to him.

“Oi, Raemundo I bet I know what’s in that box.” Chop gave Rae knowing look as he smirked and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Chop” both his wife and Izzy said in unison, as they pushed him on the arms, shaking their heads at him. Finn, Archie, and Chloe chuckled while Rae just rolled her eyes at him.

 

“What! It’s not like I said sex toys or anything…and I hate it when you two gang up on me.” Chop looked at Sahra and Izzy in annoyance than let out a chuckle as he moved away from them to be on the safe side.

“I swear Chop that’s all you think about is sex, if you must know it’s just um…old diaries of mine ok.” Rae let out a huff than smiled nervously hoping her lie sounded believable. She went to her bedroom to put the box away but as she was putting it up on the wardrobe shelf, she lost her grip on it and it fell to the floor. It opened and its contents spilled out, just as Arch came into the room.

“You ok? Need any help?.” Arch asked as he was walking closer to Rae than he noticed the items as he was bending over to help.

“No Arch I got it.” Rae said quickly trying to scoop up everything back in the box. Arch squatted down next to Rae.

“Looks like Chop were wrong about what was in the box. I’m guessing it was stuff from when you and Finn were together.” Arch gave Rae a knowing look. Rae let out a sigh shaking her head than looked at Archie.

“Yeah, ok it is but most people keep some mementos of their first loves Arch.” Rae finished putting the items back in the box and put it up.

“Yeah maybe but not a whole big box full unless there are still feelings there.” Arch gave Rae a knowing look.

“Archie stop, Finn and I moved on a long time ago ok! Besides that he’s got a girlfriend and I need to just concentrate on me family now.” Rae said resolutely. Wishing to get out of this conversation

“Well Rae Finn…”

“Rae mum…Oh I didn’t interrupt did I.” Aullra looked at the both of them worriedly hoping she hadn’t intruded on something important.

“Oh no Arch was just helping pick up stuff from a box I dropped, did ya need something?” Rae smiled reassuringly to her sister. Thanking whatever deity that took pity on her for granting her wish.

“Um just mums tired and dad is taking her home but they wanted to say goodbye first.”

“Ok” Rae said as the three made their way out the door to the lounge. Rae and Aullra walked to their parents standing by the door.

“Rae love, Karim is taking me home I’m feeling a bit tired but Aullra is staying a bit longer. So I’ll see you Friday when you move in ok pet” Linda smiled warmly at Rae but didn’t see the sad and worried looks everyone had on their faces. Aullra had the sting of tears threatening to fall but quickly blinked them away, her guilt at going off to uni tugged at her heart when she felt her family needed her more.

“Mum it is Friday I just finished moving in.” Rae said calmly knowing when her mum was tired she got confused more. Her sister grabbed her hand a gesture Linda missed but was not lost on the gang. They all had a look on their faces as if to say they wished they could do something to help the sisters and Karim.

“Right of course its Friday, sorry Aullra I guess I’m more tired than I thought. Have you seen my purse I seem to have misplaced it” Linda had a worried look on her face desperately looking around the room.

“Mum it’s already on your shoulder,” Rae said gently not having the heart to correct her mother about her name. Rae squeezed her sister’s hand tightly.

“Oh right of coarse how silly of me. It’s good to have you home Rae” Linda smiled warmly at Rae but you could see the beginnings of a lost look in her eyes. Karim looked at his daughters.

“Bye mum, bye dad, see ya both tonight” Aullra gave her mum than her dad a hug.

“Bye dad, bye mum, I’ll see ya Sunday and I’ll make sure Aullra gets home safely latter tonight.” Rae gave both her parents a hug goodbye. Over the years, Rae had started to call Karim her dad seeing that he became one in her life while karim had thought of Rae as his eldest daughter.

“Goodbye my precious ones, It’s good to have home again Rae.” Karim beamed at his girls than took Linda’s hand, you could see the sorrow in his eyes as he looked at her, he led her out the door as they made their way home.

“Well um right who wants take away pizza?” Rae asked trying to change the mood in the room. The gang had all agreed they wanted pizza and wanted to chip in on the cost.

“Oh no it’s my shout as a thank you for all your help moving my stuff in.”

“Well I insist on getting drinks than Raemundo, anybody want to come with me?” Chop was looking around to see who wanted to go with him. His very heavily pregnant wife, with their first child, said she would and after some protest on Chops part, afraid she was doing too much in her condition, she won out. They both made their way to the store to get some beer and water for Sahra.

“Right well since Chops getting drinks, I’ll go order some food than” Rae made her way to the kitchen to find the takeaway menus. Once inside the kitchen she took a deep breath blinking back tears she did not want to let fall. She had just finished ordering when she felt familiar warmth on her upper back as she felt the words **u ok?** She turned around to face Finn giving him a thin smile.

“For right now I am Finn, thank you.” Rae let out a sigh while looking at him. It had been so long since they used their secret mode of communication. Through the years they met periodically for special occasions with the gang mostly keeping in touch by emails, texts messages, cards and latter Skype.

“Well you know if you need someone to talk to I’m always here for ya” Finn smiled at Rae.

“I know I feel blessed to have good friends like you in my life. And especially now with everything going on in my family.” Rae smiled at Finn, the sadness in her voice not lost to his ears. Finn took her hand and squeezed it, she had to fight the urge to close her eyes at the familiar warmth running through her body at his touch.

“Rae I…”

“Rae where’s your loo pa…oh sorry didn’t mean to interrupt” Chloe said apologetically, Finn let go of Rae’s hand reluctantly and cleared his throat.

“Uh guess I’ll go talk to Arch, don’t see him much. I‘ll see ya back in the other room.” Finn said nervously than made his way out the door. Rae watched him go, letting out a sigh than looked at Chloe.

“So what did ya need Chlo?” Rae said smiling at her

“I just needed loo paper…sorry if I interrupted anything important.” Chloe bit her lip, an apologetic smile on her face. She could kick herself for her bad timing.

“Oh no you didn’t, just Finn asking if I was ok is all.” Rae walked to a box that said needed items for moving day, she opened it and dug out the loo paper than handed some to Chloe.

“Here ya go.”

“Thanks babes, so how are you doing?”

“Like I told Finn I’m fine right now” Rae sighed with a sad smile playing on her lips than she took out some paper plates for the take away pizza when it got delivered to the flat.

“Well you know I’m a phone call away and I’ll be here if ya ever need me.” Chloe hugged Rae

“I know I appreciated all of you guys when you said you’d help me when you could after I told ya what happened in the doctor’s office that night in the pub. I’m very lucky to have you all as mates.” Rae backed out of the hug giving Chloe a smile but she saw the sad look in Rae’s eyes, her heart breaking for her friend.

“ Well I need to pop in the loo but when we get the chance I tell you all bout that party I went to and that chef Rick, he’s so fit” Chloe smiled dreamily thinking about Rick the guy see met a week ago.

“Ok Chloe we’ll talk about it later, now go before you pee yaself.” Rae laughed as they made their way out the kitchen.

The take away pizza soon arrived and the mood in the room became jovial as the gang started to reminisce about old times. Aullra loved hearing stories about her sister and her honorary aunts and uncles when she had been a baby. Stories about how Finn couldn’t believe for someone so small Aullra pooped a lot, how Arch tried to get her to say Uncle Archie but she took after her sister and always said no just Archie no Uncle. How Chloe and Izzy dressed her up in supper cute outfits much to Rae’s cringe, Rae making sure she knew her music by playing oasis, stone roses and not some nursery songs. How Chop was surprisingly really good with her and much to Linda’s annoyance got Aullra to say Uncle Chop as her first word. This had been one of Aullra’s’ favorite stories and always made her laugh. Soon the conversations changed to what was happening in every ones lives. Izzy said she had some work to do in Paris while Chloe told everyone she got that promotion she’s been working hard for at the store, Archie told everyone he finally got his dream job of teaching history in a university in London which led him and Aullra into a conversation about teaching. The rest of the gang talked amongst themselves letting the two talk.

“So Rae when do you start work at the radio station?” Asked Izzy taking a sip of her beer as Rae mockingly groans.

“Well I was hopin’ I’d start Monday and have the weekend to unpack but Mr. I have other plans for your Saturday here wants me to come in tomorrow.” Rae gave a look to Finn to let him know she really didn’t mind. Finn gave Rae a nice part time job as a dj in the morning three days a week, the pay was good and Rae would have plenty of time to help Karim with Linda. Rae defiantly thought this job was an improvement over the really shity ones she had to do back in London to makes ends meat.

“Sorry Rae but I need to show you around and where everything is at. Also I needed help cataloging some new albums I got the other day and without help it will take me all day….” Finn looked at Rae apologetically. “But I can come by Sunday and help ya unpack if it would help” Finn was more than happy to give this job to Rae he knew she would do well on the radio; he would do anything to help Rae. He still could not believe he has owned a radio station for the last year. It had been a challenge but he was living his dream, he sometimes still did dj work when one of the dj’s got sick.

“Naw it’s ok Finn, I really don’t have that much to unpack but thank you for the offer though.” Rae smiled warmly at him.

“Ya sure, I don’t mind helping’ it’s what mates are for right!” Rae and Finn were so lost in their conversation they missed the eye rolls the gang and Aullra gave the two.

“Yeah it‘s fine Finn but thank you again for the offer.” Rae looked at Finn with an appreciative smile on her face. Rae felt her phone vibrate; she got it out and saw it was from one of her editors.

“Look I’ll be right back guys I need to make a call with an editor I’m doing freelance work for.” Rae got up to go to the kitchen. After she was done with her call she was about to go back when her sister came in.

“Rae I-I really think I should do a gap year before uni, to stay and help out you and dad with mum…I don’t think its right that I should go off and leave.” Aullra said tearfully as Rae went and hugged her.

“Aullra we been through this, I know you want to help sweetie but you need to get that education to become a teacher. You’re eighteen Aullra; you deserve to have fun and figure out ya life. I got my chance now it’s your turn.” Rae says gently but firmly, wanting to get her sister to understand as she breaks the hug and stands a little bit away but still holding Aullra’s’ shoulders.

“Rae you saw mum today I should stay and help.” Aullra had tears running down her cheeks now. Rae took a deep breath.

“Aullra mums going to continue to get worse whether you stay or go to uni. You’ll be able to help when you’re home for holidays, now let’s go back and join the others ok.” Rae said curtly but you could hear a hurt in her voice from Aullra mentioning their mum.

“Ok, fine.” Aullra wiped away her tears, giving in as Rae put an arm around her, they both walked out to join the gang. The gang talked for another hour before every one had to start heading home as it was getting late.

“Well Rae I’ve got to go back to London but it’s been good seeing ya today, I love ya Rae.” Archie said as he gave Rae a hug.

“Alright, you tell George I said hi and sorry he missed such a fun filled day of helping me move in. I love ya too!” Rae said as she let out a laugh.

“Right I’m sure he’ll be crushed on missing out on so much fun but he’ll be getting a second chance at a fun filled move in day when we move into our flat” Archie said sarcastically than let out a chuckle. They both gave each other a kiss on the check than he said his goodbyes to everyone else before he left.

“Well Chop and I need to go but we’ll see you tomorrow for dinner.” Sahra said as she was hugging Rae goodbye or trying to but when you’re almost nine months pregnant, it was somewhat hard to hug people anymore.

“Of course I can’t wait; you two can show me the nursery and all when I come over.” Rae smiled at the both of them.

“Goodbye soon to be Aunt Raemundo.” Chop said cheerily as he hugged her goodbye next.

“Goodbye guys but were not using Aunt Raemundo Chop.” Rae said in mock annoyance as they left but you could hear chop say “we’ll see.”

“Well that’s my cue to go girl, I need to head out, got work in the morning and so do you. Remember seven o’clock, I know it’s early for ya but I think you’ll live.” Finn scrunched his nose than huffed out a laugh.

“Yeah, yeah boss I’ll be there.” Rae mockingly glared at Finn than smiled at him a little.

“Boss I like that “Finn smirked.

“Don’t get to use to it I’ll only call ya it when I’m annoyed at ya.” Rae scrunched up her nose then let out a giggle. Finn chuckled at Rae he missed her humor.

“Bye Rae I’ll see ya at work.” Finn gave Rae a lingering hug than a small smile as he broke apart from her.

“Bye Finn I’ll see ya bright and early.” She said softly as he left for home.

“Well I guess this means you two are leaving me as well.” Rae looked at Chloe and Izzy as they stood in front of her to say goodbye.

“Yeah babes me and Iz need to get on a plane tonight for Paris and I got to be home for tomorrows’ date with Rick, Rae he is so fit and kind, I can’t wait for you to meet him. When I come back we’ll have a proper girl’s day out, you, me, Iz, Sahra and Becky ok.” Chloe gave Rae a hug.

“I’m going to miss ya Rae, when I get this photo shoot done I’ll email you some pictures from it and I can’t wait for that girl’s day out.” Izzy said with one of her brightly lit smiles that could make the grumpiest person crack a smile Rae thought. Izzy gave Rae a hug.

“I’m going to miss you two as well and I look forward to the pictures Iz and the girls’ day. Bye girls.” Rae said as Chloe and Izzy left to go to the airport.

“Ok you, time to get you home.” Rae looked at Aullra.

“Ok just let me get my bag.” Aullra said as she went to the kitchen to get her bag than they both left, driving to their mum and dad’s home. After Rae dropped off her sister, she drove back to her flat. She unpacked some sheets and got into some pj’s than put out something to wear the next day. She fell into bed the exhaustion from the day caching up to her as she fell asleep.

 

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Rae woke up to the sound of her buzzing alarm clock set at five thirty in the morning much to Rae’s annoyance. She got up grabbing the clothes she put out than headed to the bathroom. She undressed and got in the shower in hopes of it waking her up a bit. After she got out, she dried off and dressed than went to the kitchen to make tea and something to eat. She headed out the door by six thirty and headed to work. Rae arrived at work with ten minutes to spare, as she walked in she saw Finn standing at the receptionist desk with a cup of brew reminding her of when they were in collage and he would always have a brew waiting for her. She smiled at him as he smiled back.

“Well I see some things never change, thanks Finn.” Rae put her purse down and took the offered cup than took a sip. Not surprised he remembered how she liked it.

“Well it’s a bit of an apology for making you get up this early…” Finn had an apologetic smile on his face. “So I’ll show you the studio that you’ll be working in and the rest of the place, follow me.” Finn walked Rae to the dj studio, showed her the buttons that she would need to know to turn off and on the mic, to put callers on the line than walked her out to the record room that housed a multitude of vinyl, cassette tapes and cds. He took her around the rest of the rooms and introduced her to some of the employees. He ended the tour in his office.

“I’m impressed Finn you got a nice radio station here” Rae pushed some hair behind her ear than smiled at him.

“Yeah I quite like the station too, I’m happy I got to buy it. I’m also happy that you accepted this job, I’ve been needing someone who knows there music pretty well to fill it. I thought you’d be a good fit.”

“Well I’m glad I took the job too…so is this your way of telling me I’ve got the superior music knowledge.” Rae smirked at him as Finn shook his head huffing out a chuckle whilst letting his bottom lip slide out between his teeth.

“I didn’t say that, I just said you’d be a good fit besides we know it’s me with the superior music knowledge.” Finn smirked back causing Rae to scoff, Finn so loved to rile her up.

“What! I don’t think so Finnly Nelson; I’m not the one who likes Babylon zoos bloody spaceman.” Rae glared at him but Finn could see the hint of amusement in her eyes.

“Well Chloe told me you liked Boyzone at one time so I don’t think we should be questioning my music taste.” Finn smirked knowing he won this augment.

“Oi you cannot hold that against me, it was before I saw the light and found what good music was.” Rae scoffed wanting to kill Chloe for the infringement on their friendship.

“Still doesn’t change the fact.” Finn was chuckling now.

“You better take it back or I’ll tell the gang and live on air, what your middle name is.” Rae smiled triumphantly knowing she won the argument.

“Mae you wouldn’t dare…would you?” Finn said in shocked fear

“Try me!” Rae said in a tone that said she would.

“You don’t fight fair girl.”Finn shakes his head

“When did I ever.” Rae smiled like the cat that got the canary.

“Well I see something never change Rae, ok I take it back.” Finn sucked on his teeth shaking his head with an amused look on his eyes.

“Well as much as this conversation has been fun Finnly you made me come to work early so shouldn’t we get these categorizing thing done. I like to get some unpacking done a bit before I go to Chop and Sahara’s for dinner and I’m sure your girlfriend would love to see ya sometime today or have ya become a workaholic .” Rae let out a chuckle.

“Yeah I guess we need to get on that, um…I don’t have to worry about a girlfriend wanting to see me since… well Angela and I broke up last week.” Finn said quietly a thin smile on his face.

“What, you were together for like two years what happened? If ya don’t mind me asking?” Rae asked shocked at the news, she thought Finn had found some happiness with someone.

“No I don’t, um well Angela got a dream job offer and I just didn’t want to hold her back. Also my life’s here and really the last year we were growing apart.” Finn shrugged huffing out a breath.

“I’m so sorry Finn; Angela was a really nice girl.” Rae said genuinely heartbroken for Finn

“Its ok we ended it on good terms…so what about you, break any hearts in London?” Finn said smiling at Rae trying to lighten the mood.

“Oh no haven’t had time to date and honestly I don’t have time for a relationship, taking care of mum is my priority at the moment and working here not to mention freelance assignments I’ve got ta turn in. There’s just no room for a romantic relationship at the moment.” Rae sighed as Finn felt a pain in his chest at her last statement.

“Of course fair enough, still have time for friends’ right?” Finn bit his lower lip, raising his eyebrows looking at Rae prepared to give her anything she wanted even if it was just friendship.

“Always.” Rae said warmly smiling that smile she only saved for him something she hadn’t done in ages. Both felt that old pull of their souls desperate to connect to one another.

“Good to hear. Well now let’s get to work as you say you’ve got unpacking to do, us talking isn’t getting you home sooner now is it?” Finn said with a warm smile as he and Rae went to the record room and got to work. Most of the morning was talking about music and rating things out of ten, it felt like old times they thought, they both had miss just hanging out just them with the music, Finn and Rae both looked at each other at one point when the other wasn’t looking, both wondering if there time to be together had come and gone, wondering what could have been.

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The rest of the morning went by rather quickly for the two, by lunchtime they had everything cataloged and put in the proper category. Finn took Rae to the swan for lunch as another thank you for her help. Finn shared some ideas he had for the radio station that Rae was quite impressed with. Rae talked about some of her freelance writing assignments and some of her crappy jobs she had to do back in London to make ends meat. After lunch they said their goodbyes, Finn giving Rae another lingering hug than he went back to the station to do paper work his least favorite thing to do as Rae went home to start unpacking. Rae put on some music first thing when she entered her flat than put up some framed posters on the wall. She figured; get the loud stuff done first during a decent time of the day. She was half way done when she needed to quit and get ready to go over to Chop and Sahra’s for dinner. Once ready she drove over to their nice two story house.

“Raemundo how was work? Finny boy didn’t make you do all the work did he?” Chop said cheerfully giving Rae a hug as she came in through the door.

“I’m fine and no he didn’t, he helped out and shouted me lunch.” Rae said as they made their way to the spacious lounge where Sahra a tall woman, fair with blond hair and green eyes was waiting for them on the settee.

“ Hi Rae I’m so glad you made it, hope you like lasagna it’s a family recipe from my Sicilian grandmother.” Sahra said as she got up albeit not very gracefully with something the size of a bowling ball throwing you off balance all the time, giving Rae a hug.

“Sounds good to me, how are you and that little wee one to be doing?” Rae and Sahra sat down while Chop got everyone drinks.

“It’s going well getting ready to give birth to my little womb hotel guest.” Sahra said while Rae chuckled.

“I like that hotel womb guest that’s cute. So is the nursery almost ready and all?” Rae laughed.

“Oh yes Chop put the last of the baby items together last night, so let’s go take a look.” Sahra got up slowly; Rae following after, both the woman went upstairs to the finished nursery.

“Oh wow its beautiful in here, it’s just so cheerful.” Rae said in awe. The nursery was in a pretty palette of lavender and yellow with white trim, a dresser, changing table, crib, and an antique rocking chair in the corner. It has just a few stuffed animals and some books on shelves and a soft pastel yellow carpet.

“Thank you I love it myself.” Sahra smiled rubbing her pregnant belly than walked over to the rocking chair to sit down. A minute later Chop came into the room with drinks for everyone.

“Raemundo a cider for you and Sahra water for you. So Rae how ya like the nursery?” Chop put his hand on Sahra’s shoulder bending down to give her a quick kiss on the check.

“It’s beautiful Chop. So looks like you’ll be the daddy soon.” Rae smirked. Chop chuckled at the reference about Rae being the daddy of the gang.

“Yeah it looks like it but you’ll always be the daddy of the gang Rae.” Chop smiled at her. Chop had told Sahra about him calling Rae the daddy of the group of friends, Sahra had thought it was funny but could see it that Rae had a presence about her that made you want to be around her.

“Oh damn I thought I could finally pass on that baton. Ah well there are worse things to be called I supposed.” Rae let out a mock sigh and chuckled with her friends.

“Rae that’s forever your title, along with Aunt Raemundo.” Chop had a cheeky grin on his face.

“Not going to happen! It’s going to be Aunt Rae.” Rae shook her head smiling warmly at Chop.

“Will see, love I’m going to check on the food so ya can rest a little longer, love you.” Chop looked at his wife with such love that it made Rae feel like she was intruding on a very intimate moment between them as she looked away.

“Thank you sweetheart, Rae and I will be down in a minute, love you too.” Chop kissed Sahra chastely and went out of the room to the kitchen to check on the lasagna.

“So Rae how are ya really doing?” Sahra asked with a knowing tone in her voice. Rae let out a sigh tired of everyone asking that, hating how it reminded her of how much her family was changing but something about Sahra’s tone made Rae trust her.

“Honestly I’m fine for now just scared.” Rae said sadly blinking back the tears she refused to cry and not ruin a lovely time with friends.

“I know that feeling Rae, my dad had terminal cancer in his brain, ten months after the diagnose he was gone.” Sahra wiped away a tear. Than let out a sigh.

“Oh I’m so sorry Sahra about your dad.” Rae looked at Sahra with sympathy.

“Thank you. Taking care of a loved one with a terminal sickness is never easy Rae, I was the only caregiver my dad had, mum had died when I was young, and I was an only child. I became very depressed after my father died and had to stay at hospital to recover for a time. It makes me happy that you have so many people to turn to; you’re going to need it. I want you to know I’ve been there and if you ever need to talk I’m here if you need me.” Sahra got up and started for the door, Rae stopping her to give her a hug blinking back tears.

“Thank you Sahra, I’m grateful to have friends like you in my life.” Rae smiled warmly at her friend, now sharing a bond that only the two of them will understand completely. They made their way downstairs to the kitchen where Chop was setting the table while the food was cooling on the counter. The three of them sat down to eat and talked about their day and Rae felt happy for this brief interlude in her life, to live in this moment before reality truly set in

 

********************************

Rae got up late in the morning after a bit of a late night at Chop and Sahra’s house, after dinner they had played some games until midnight. Rae came home, just fell into bed, and soon was asleep. Rae got in the shower than got dressed for the day. She got to work making something to eat and unpacking more of her stuff, figuring out where to put things. About four in the afternoon Rae was done with unpacking and got herself ready to go over to her mum and dad’s for dinner and to spend some family time together.

“Hi I’m home anyone here?” Rae called though the house as she let herself in than closing the door behind her.

“Hey Rae!” Aullra came bounding up to her sister giving her a big hug.

“Hi my little strong one, where’s mum and dad?” Rae asked as the two sisters’ arm in arm walked to the kitchen.

“Mums up in her room and dad just came home from work and is feeding the birds. Want a brew?” Aullra asked as she gathers tea and mugs to make a brew than sets stuff down on the counter and checked on dinner in the oven.

“Thanks I’d love some.” Rae put her purse on the table and sat down.

“So how were work yesterday and the unpacking going?” Aullra put the kettle on to make tea than got plates down from the cabinet to set the table.

“Work was fine, Finn helped so we got done fairly quickly and unpacking is done and dusted finally….” Rae got up and gathered silverware to place next to the plates helping her sister. “I also found out Finn broke up with Angela but according to him it was mutual and he seemed ok about it all.” Rae shrugged at Aullra trying to push down feelings she did not want to deal with right now.

“Oh that’s a shame they were like together for two years. Guess some things aren’t meant to be.” Aullra was sad for Finn but honestly she hoped maybe with Rae and Finn both being single and working together maybe some old sparks between them would fly. Even she could see the connection and love they still have and feel for one another. The kettle on the stove whistled, Aullra took it off the stove and poured it in the mugs, Rae got out the sugar and milk to put in their tea. After Rae put away the milk and sugar, they sat at the table.

“Yeah I guess…” Rae said quietly. “Well enough about me how was mum today?” Rae said with a worried look in her eyes.

“She’s been ok; she didn’t carry her purse around with her today so that was something. She took the photo albums out to look at them in her and dads room about an hour ago. Not too many…moments, honestly Rae I’m scared, that every time I come home from uni the light in her eyes are going to be dimmer than before.” Aullra’s voice cracked as some tears fell down her face that she wiped away. Rae leaned over to hug her sister feeling the same way.

“I know, I am too but as mum said we’ll get through this as a family.” Rae pulled back from the hug as her hand rubbed her sisters back in comfort. Heavy footsteps came up from behind causing them to turn around to see their dad.

“Hi dad” Rae said as she got up to hug Karim.

“Hello Rae so glad you home.” Karim smiled happily at Rae. He was so happy to see his family together although slightly altered now a day’s. He walk around the table and sat down as Rae took her seat back. “So how’s work yesterday?” Through the years Karim’s English had improved but sill a mistake was made from time to time but everyone was genuinely proud of him knowing learning a new language is never easy.

“It was fine; I’m looking forward to doing my first DJ show. I’ve got about half the set list figured out now.” Rae smiles warmly at her dad

“Can not wait to hear your show, it is good fit for you, you love music.” Karim could see the light in his daughters eyes and hear the passion in her voice when she talked about music. It was the same kind of light and passion Linda has for things she loves. It was breaking his heart to see that light dim in her eyes, to hear that passion in her voice lessen just a bit more slowly every day.

“Thanks dad, so what’s for dinner Aullra?”

“Hot pot of course, um dad dinner will be done in a few minutes do you want to get mum?” Aullra got up to get the hot pot out of the oven.

“Ah yes I’ll just-” Karim was starting to get up when Rae stopped him.

“No dad I’ll go up and get mum, you worked today.”

“Ok thank you.” Karim smiled at Rae gratefully.

“I’ll be back.” Rae left the kitchen and went upstairs, as she approached the door to her mum and dad’s room she could hear her mum mumbling, the door was just ajar enough to peek inside the room. Her mum was sitting on the bed looking at the photo albums, pictures scattered all around the bed. Linda had a fistful of hair tugging at it in distress whilst biting on her thumbnail, she was rocking a little with tears in her eyes, she was looking at a picture, one Rae recognized.

“I should know her…I should know her …who is this girl?” Linda breathed out in near sobs at the distress at not recognizing the child in the photo. “Ok…ok…ok…I’m Linda Bouchtat …I-I have a daughter no-no two daughters th-their names are-are Rachel no Rae and Aullra and I-I have a husband named…Karim…I should know this little girl…who is she.” Linda breathing was ragged. She took her hand out of her hair grabbed a pen and started to scribble circles around the girls face as if it would draw out the name of the child from her memory. Rae entered the room to stop her mum.

“Mum…mum the picture is of me when I was eight.” Rae gently stopped her mum’s hand and took the pen, moved the albums over to sit next to her. Rae held her mum untill she calmed down.

“Th-thank you Rae…how could I forget my little girl.” Linda shook her head her voice trembling.

“It’s ok mum it’s not your fault.” Rae fought with herself to stay strong right now blinking back tears she would not let fall.

“I’m scared Rae… I feel like I’m in a fog, just wandering lost, than I have moments of clarity only for it to be yanked from me…” Linda said crying than an angry look appears on her face. “ I hate this thing…this disease…I hate that it’s plucking out my precious memories of my children, of holding you and your sister for the first time, first steps, first words, watching both my girls grow up into the beautiful young woman you are. Memories of falling in love with Karim, our life together…I’m angry that I won’t remember seeing my girls get married or may not even be there at all…I won’t see grandchildren or they will only know me from looking at a picture.” Linda sobbed in Rae’s arms as she held her mum tighter.

“You said everything was going to be ok and it will…we’re going to get through this as a family…” Rae said more to herself than her mum. “Why don’t you take a break from looking at pictures, lie down and rest. I’ll take the albums downstairs for ya.” Rae said in a calm soft voice stroking her mums back to calm her.

“Yes I-I think I will lay down…thank you Aullra…” Linda gasped at the slip, closing her eyes shaking her head a little. “Rachel… I mean Rae.” Linda said struggling to remember her daughter’s name.

“It’s ok mum I know who ya meant, just rest.” Rae helped her mum lay down on the bed than gathered all the photo albums into her arms.

“Thank you Rae…I love you pet.” Linda said with a trembling voice as she laid on the bed staring out the window.

“I love you too mum.” Rae said than left the room with albums in her arms, once in the hallway she let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding than started for the stairs back to the kitchen.

“Where’s mum?” Aullra asked worriedly as Rae put the photo albums on the counter.

“She had a bit of a freak out…she couldn’t remember people in some pictures and looks like some are ruined.” Rae said quietly, Aullra went to Rae putting a hand on her sister’s shoulder causing Rae to look at her with a mix of sadness and worry in her eyes.

“Well is she ok now than?” Aullra asked with the same look in her eyes as well.

“Yeah, she’s resting right now.” Rae let out a sigh than Karim got up.

“I go check up on her.” Karim said and was out of the kitchen before Rae could say anything.

“Should we hide the pictures than so she can’t ruin anymore?” Aullra asked hesitantly.

“Uh no, no um I’ll make copies of the pictures than give mum the copies when she wants to look at pictures. I’ll keep the photo albums at mine for safe keeping.” Rae put her hand on her sisters that was still on her shoulder giving her a small smile. Karim came back into the room a couple of minutes latter.

“Linda is asleep I’ll make a plate up for her, for latter.” Karim said you could see his red rimmed eyes as if he had cried. The three of them sat down for dinner, the mood was somber as attempts at conversation of mundane subjects quickly faltered. It was silent for the rest of the meal.

“Well dad I’ll be by tomorrow after my show for lunch and to help you pack Aullra for uni. Love you dad.” Rae said as she gave her dad a hug.

“I love you too, be safe.” Karim said warmly as Aullra came up and hugged Rae.

“Love you Rae.”

“I love you too my little strong one.” Rae smiled at her sister than made her way out the door for her flat.

 

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Rae set her keys down on the side table by the door as she came into her dark and quiet flat. She closed the door than leaned her back on it clutching the photo albums in her arms to her chest. Than the reality sets in like a punch to the gut at the thought of losing her mum slowly day by day as she slowly slid down the door sitting with her knees bent. A streetlight shins a beam of light through the lounge window illuminating a part of the album in her arms. She looks down at the writing on the album, at the word memories than sees a lone teardrop splash on it. The dam holding back the tears finally crumbles, agonizing sobs start racking through her body as a high pitched whimper escapes her lips. Rae sobs for what seemed like hours but was only a few minutes as the exhaustion of the day caught up with her. She lies down on the floor having no energy to get up. The only sound echoing in the room is Rae’s soft sobs as they soon turn into trembling breaths, her tears stop and soon the sound of quiet even breathing could be heard as sleep overtook Rae. She was still holding onto the pictures of people, of places, memories of two childhoods, of a great love that would soon fade in her mums mind as a sunset fades into the darkness of night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N hi, so I wanted to note some things, my grandma at one point had carried her purse around with her even if we weren’t going anywhere. She did have photo albums that had the word memories on them and did unfortunately ruin them over time. Unlike Rae who found what her mom was doing to them, I did not until it was too late. So I had Rae do what I wished I had. It broke my heart to see my grandma struggle with remembering the people in the pictures when just a few years before she could tell me who each and every person was. I also have a friend named Sahra who’s husband died of cancer and that had been the inspiration for Sahra’s story plus I wanted Rae to have someone in her life who knows what its like to have to take care of a terminally ill loved one, in the next chapter she’s defiantly going to need the extra support.  
> So I hope you’ve been liking the story so far, I’m working on the first draft now of the next part so it will be a while but I’ll get it out as soon as I can. Ok bye now


	3. Fading Away part three

“Hi girls am I interrupting?” Rae and Aullra looked up to see there dad standing in front of them.

“Hi dad, no you’re not interrupting anything, we were just taking about my job. Want to sit down?” Aullra asked smiling as she was pointing to the seat next to her.

“Yes thank you” Karim said wearily as he sits next to his daughter while gently rubbing his thumb over a letter lovingly. Both girls looked at each other instantly knowing it was there mums letter to karim for this day.

“How are you holding up dad?” Rae asked with a warm smile but with concern in here eyes as she adjusted in her seat and rubbed her back.

“As well as can be on a sad day as this” Karim looked down letting out a sigh clutching his letter tighter to his chest as if it would protect him from the pain and reality of this day. Aullra reached over and held her dads hand, fresh tears in her eyes. Aullra had noticed some people at a table than looked a Rae.

“Rae there’s Andrea and some friends of mine from uni that I want to thank for coming” Aullra smiled at Andrea.

“Oh go on then, I got a chance to speak with my friends so you should get yours as well.” Rae smiled warmly at her sister.

“Thanks I’ll be back.” Aullra said gratefully.

“Oh take your time, dad and I will be fine, ok! You tell Andrea I said hi ” Rae said reassuringly to Aullra.

“Ok I will, bye” Aullra gave her sister and dad a quick hug before walking off to her friends and Andrea.

“I’ve decided to go to therapy with you and Aullra tomorrow dad,” Rae said as she moved closer to her dad giving him a small smile.

“That makes me happy to hear, it would be good for our family” Karim looked at Rae happily. Just than a blond haired woman walked up to them.

“Karim, Rae I wanted to give you my condolences on your loss” said the blond haired woman with a mournful look on her face. Rae got up and shook the woman’s hand thanking her for coming than gave her a small smile. Karim got up to shake her hand.

“Thank you Dr. Evans for being here today, I know how busy you are”

“Oh it’s no problem I wanted to be here for you and your family” Dr. Evans gave them a warm smile.

“I wanted to let you know I’ll be at therapy tomorrow with dad and Aullra” Dr. Evans gave Rae a surprised look, this would be the first time Rae would be coming to a therapy session with her family. Dr. Evans had found herself touched at this as she quickly blinked back tears.

“Oh that’s wonderful Rae, it’s always good to have the whole family at a session, it helps.” Dr Evans dug out her car keys than looked at them both. “Well I need to go I’ve got a therapy session to get ready for this afternoon, I’ll see you two and Aullra tomorrow, bye.” Both karim and Rae said goodbye as they watched her leave the pup. Karim and Rae sat back down, karim was clutching Linda’s letter over his chest as if trying to fill the hole in his heart left by her passing.

“Aullra and I read our letter from mum, I’m so grateful she wrote these, it almost feels like she’s still here with us.” Rae stared to cry, Karim put his arm around her in comfort. Finn had seen Rae crying but as much as he wanted to go and hold Rae himself, he knew this was a moment only for Karim and Rae.

“Yes I’m grateful too, both you girls and these letters are all I have left of Linda now” Karim said tearfully, Rae could hear the sadness in his voice as she held her dad tighter both trying to comfort the other.

“Rae would like you to read your mums letter she wrote to me. You were talked about in it, think it’s important for you to read.” Karim had a small smile on his face as he was holding out the letter to Rae.

“No dad it’s your private letter from mum, I don’t need to read it” Rae was shaking her head as she tried to stop her dad from giving her the letter from her mum.

“Insist you read I want you to” Karim gently opened Rae's hand and put the letter in it. Rae let out a sigh then opened the letter proceeding to read.

**My dearest Karim,**

**I am so sorry that all the dreams we had of growing old together, of seeing the girls get married, watching grandchildren play, traveling, wont be coming true for us. Well at least not for me. You will still be able to be there for the girls, there going to need you now as there only parent left. I’m still not sure how I got so lucky to have found you. I still remember that day I was crying on that hospital bench after they admitted Rae to the mental home. You sat down quietly next to me and held my hand, letting me cry. I didn’t know what to think of you but I saw in your eyes a kindness and felt safe some how. Whenever I came to visit Rae, you were always there after the visit, on that bench waiting for me, waiting to hold my hand as I cried. I realized that you were a quite, kind, special person, the type to come around once in a lifetime. Even though you didn’t understand much of what I said you listened as I talked about my daughter. How I found her with the cuts on her thighs and the blood everywhere, I still have nightmares about it. It reminds me of how close I came to loosing my daughter, the best thing in my life next to you and Aullra, of how much I failed her as a mum. This disease is like a double edge sword, it will take away the nightmares but it will take away the memories of us becoming friends than falling in love. Oh my beastie, I am so blessed to have had the time we did have together, even thought it wasn’t as long as we would have liked. I guess a minute of pure happiness is better than a lifetime of nothing special. Please look after our daughters, support them in there decisions in life, give them the hugs I can no longer give them, tell them I’ll always be by there side in spirit. Give any grandchildren a kiss from there Nan that watches them from heaven. Know that I will be looking out for you to, you are my heart and soul and I will be waiting for you always and forever.**

**Love your dearest Linda**  
**xoxoxo**

“Thank you dad for letting me read this, it gave me some insight about mum I didn’t know…I never knew she had nightmares, how badly it affected her but again I was so lost in my own problems at the time I didn’t take the time to notice. Thank you dad for being there for her when she needed someone.” Rae gave her dad a watery smile as she hugged him clutching the letter to herself. They parted, Rae handing back the letter to karim than wiped away her tears.

“Don’t be hard on yourself, you were young and lost in darkness yes but eventually you found good relationship with Linda” Karim held Rae's hand as he smiled at her, Rae sniffed back tears than smiled at her dad.

“Yeah we were getting to a good place, actually becoming friends until…” Rae let her voice trail off, she didn’t want to think of the relationship that might have been with her mum if her diagnoses never happened, it hurt too much for her to think about.

“The illness took a lot from us but we’re still strong family because of you” Karim give Rae's hand a squeeze “Rae you kept this family together that year when it was falling apart, helping me when it was too much” Karim smiled gratefully at Rae tears in his eyes.

“Oh dad I just did what I needed to do to help the family, you needed help and I know how easy it it’s for depression to sink its claws into ya. It can happen to anyone.” Rae said as a tear fell down her check.

“You deserve thanks Rae, it was a tough year for our family but ended on a bright side for you as well” Karim smiled warmly at Rae as she smiled back at her dad than looked at the ring on her finger.

“Yeah that it did. I love you dad” Rae leaned her head on Karim’s shoulder as he put an arm around her gently hugging her.

“I love you to my daughter” Rae thought back to that year when her mums illness started to take its toll on the family, when the cracks started to show. When she had to dig deep to keep it together nearly falling apart herself, of the one person that had been there when she needed someone the most.

******************************

Three years earlier……………

It had been five months since Rae moved back to Stamford, five months since she woke up with swollen eyes from crying her self to sleep on the floor. She had put the photo albums on a side table and went to take a shower. Once cleaned up she decided she was going to be stronger, she needed to be for her family, just as her mum had asked. Over the months, she had established a routine in her life. She worked at the radio station sometimes doing extra work with Finn sorting out paper work or cataloging new music that came in each week. Taking care of her mum on days Karim worked, she would visit most days for lunch after she got off work and talking to Finn, on occasion she would stay for dinner but most of the time karim looked after Linda. She still worked on her freelance writing assignments although she was starting to think about writing a book. One of her editors she occasionally writes for said her talent in writing was just plain brilliant and should consider it, now the only thing Rae needed was an idea for a story. Most of her mums’ days were ok and others were not, it had been around November when the treatment for Linda’s symptoms stopped working completely. The weeks that followed saw Linda’s illness continue to dim that light in her eyes day by day. Aullra came home from uni for her Christmas holiday. Since Aullra had been a baby Linda had decided to do a joint birthday party for her and Rae in the early part of December seeing that their birthdays were close together. It had made sense, saving money for Linda and Karim to do one party instead of two, just mere days apart from the other. Rae, to her mums’ surprise, had agreed to this eagerly. There had been a couple of rocky years when Aullra did not want to share her birthday with her sister. That had changed when at around fifteen Aullra was being bullied, much to her sisters heartache. Rae had told Aullra all about what happened to her and that she would always be there for her to talk. Aullra after that time had looked at her sister in a new light with respect and admiration. Ever since than the two sisters had become closer than Rae had ever thought possible with a fourteen-year age difference between them. With Aullra in uni, their party had to be bumped closer to her break from school now.

“Rae have you seen my blue jumper?” Aullra called out as she was packing up her stuff to go back to uni for her second term. Their party, that had been held at the swan, had been a great one. The gang had all come to it this year, for Rae it felt like old times. Rae, Chloe and Izzy had planed to have a girls only weekend over the summer, the gang noticed Finn and Rae had grown closer again but Aullra could see that her sister was keeping Finn at arms length a bit also.

“Oh it’s in the dryer Aullra but it well be done soon for you to pack it. This holiday went by so fast it seems that just yesterday you came home.” Rae went to help her sister pack wanting to spent a little extra time with her before she left the next day. Aullra smiled at her sister gratefully and was glad her sister came and helped, she wanted to ask Rae about there dad. Aullra felt their dad seemed off, a bit more than she remembered before she went to uni, over the last couple of weeks since she’s been home.

“That’s the nature of holidays they go by fast, Rae can I ask ya something?” Aullra looked at Rae while folding a shirt with a thoughtful look in her eyes almost hesitant, she wasn’t sure if it was anything at all but she needed to voice her concerns.

“Of course, what do ya want to know?” Rae sat down on the bed, Aullra sat next to her taking a deep breath.

“Does dad seem not quite himself? I mean just a bit more off than when I went to uni ” Aullra bit her lower lip in worry raising her eyebrows waiting for Rae to answer.

“Its possible, he’s dealt with mums illness longer than we have, I mean I only just moved back. Before I was only told about some of mums memory lapses and you’ve been at university and haven’t seen mum change as much until you came back home. I think mums illness is just hitting dad hard, do you remember when he started to seem off to you? ” Rae had felt something was off too and was glad she wasn’t the only one to see it.

“Yeah I guess it has, I remember that near accident mum got into last summer, when mum was still driving. That had to have been frightening for dad to see mum run that red light, I think that was when it hit dad he was losing mum, after that maybe” Both Aullra and Rae were told about what happened by Karim, Linda had been driving and momentarily forgot which pedal was the accelerator and the break. She had pressed down on the accelerator running the red light almost getting into an accident . Both Karim and Linda were shaken by it, after that day Linda didn’t drive again.

“Yeah, I knew after that day I needed to come home. I’ll keep an eye out on him ok, you just concentrate on your studies let me worry about it” Rae smiled at Aullra taking hold of her hand giving it a squeeze.

“Rae” Aullra said in at tone as if saying “really” while raising her eyebrows.

“Your going to worry anyways aren’t ya” Rae shook her head than let out a sigh, she wished her sister only had to worry about her studies and not what was happening at home.

“Yeah!” Aullra looked down playing with her sleeve of her shirt.

“I wish you didn’t have too…will it help if I call you every week with updates?” Rae looks at her sister with concern in her eyes, a worried tone in her voice.

“No, not every week, maybe a couple times a month or when something big is happening.” Aullra leaned her head on Rae's shoulder; Rae put her arm around her, comforting her. Aullra wipes away a tear that escaped the corner of her eye.

“Ok I can do that, come on your blue jumper should be dry and ready to pack” Rae smiled at her sister giving her another squeeze before getting up, both sisters going downstairs to the kitchen, Rae got the jumper out of the dryer and handed it to her sister. Linda came into the room at this time looking a bit lost and a bit frantic as she looked like she was searching for something.

“Mum do you need help finding something?” Rae said calmly taking a quick look at her sister before giving her attention back to her mum. Linda looked startled when Rae spoke to her.

“Oh Rae I seem to have forgotten what I came in here for, m-maybe it was my jacket I was looking for, have you seen it” Linda was fidgeting with her hands, struggling to remember what else she came into the kitchen for.

“Mum your wearing your jacket” Rae said calmly, Linda looked down and saw that she was wearing her lightweight jacket. She looked up with a lost look in her eyes

“Oh yes I seem to be” Linda let out a chuckle to cover her confusion as Linda looked at Aullra.

“Hello I don’t believe we’ve met, are you a friend of my daughter Rae?” Aullra faltered a bit at the pain she felt when her mum looked at her as if she was some stranger.

“Uh…um yeah I’m a friend of your daughter” Aullra tried to keep her voice neutral but Rae still heard the hurt in her voice.

“Oh that’s nice I always like meeting one of Rae's friends” Linda put her hand in her jacket pocket and pulled out a handful of photos that were all marked up, some even torn in half.

“Oh my photos that’s where they were, all this time” Linda clutched the photos to her while smiling at Rae but its not her mums smile, it’s a new kind of smile this insidious disease had given her, an emotionless smile devoid of any warmth with a glazed lost look in her eyes. Linda sits down at the kitchen table putting the photos down; she finds a pen in her pocket and starts to scribble on them. Karim walks into the kitchen dressed in his work clothes to head to work.

“Hi dad, did ya want me to make a quick brew before work?” Rae asked as she was getting the kettle to put water in to start making tea. Linda shot her head up in record speed at the word dad.

“Get out you lousy, no good, dead beat tosser. Me and Rae don’t need you Victor, we been doing just find without you” Linda said venomously as she got up and started to push karim in the chest. Rae came from behind Linda to hold her stopping her mum from starting to hit karim.

“MUM! Its dad, karim your husband!” Rae tried to break though her mum’s hazy memory, trying to calm her. Her mum still agitated soon relaxed into Rae's embrace.

“I don’t have a husband named karim, what are you talking about Rae?” Linda said with confusion in her voice.

“I go to work now Rae, I think for the best I go” Karim said with hurt in his voice, the hint of tears in his eyes looking broken as he left. Rae held her mum a little longer until she was calm again.

“Mum why don’t you go to the lounge and watch some telly and I’ll make you a brew how does that sound?” Rae asked soothingly to her mum as she rubbed her mums back trying to keep her calm. Linda looked at Rae with that new smile of hers that Rae was finding she hated to see.

“That would be lovely dear” Linda said quietly as she walked to the table to gather her photos, Rae walked her to the lounge and turned on the television for her mum than made her way back to the kitchen. As Rae entered the kitchen, she saw Aullra standing facing the counter, her hands gripping the edge of it as she was crying. Rae instantly went and wrapped her arms around her sister as she turned into Rae’s arms, to comfort her.

“ Shh…it will be alright” Rae said in a soothing voice as she held her sister, Rae fought back the tears telling herself she needed to be strong right now for her sister.

“No its not, mum didn’t know who dad was or me. She was practically hitting dad” Aullra could not keep the fear and hurt out of her voice as tears continued to fall down her face. Rae gently started to stroke her sister’s hair to try to calm her.

“Mums having a bad day my little strong one, she doesn’t know what she’s doing.” Rae’s heart was breaking for her sister; she hated to see Aullra like this, hating the disease that was causing this pain for everyone.

“I-I need to go pack for uni…um I’m just gonna…” Aullra slipped out of Rae’s arms quickly making her way upstairs, Rae knew her sister was going to her room to cry and for the first time in years Rae found her hands on the kitchen cabinet doors, on something solid and started counting to ten.

******************************

“ Yeah about spring break, I’m not gonna be able to come home Rae” Aullra said apologetically, Rae was making tea as she held her mobile phone to her ear with her shoulder, she could sense her sister was holding something back in her voice. It had been a couple of week since she last talked to her sister updating her on what has been happening with their dad but noticed in her voice a kind of distance and now it seemed more prevalent.

“Why won’t you be able to come home?” Rae set the water-filled kettle on the stove than grabbed her phone reliving her shoulder of holing it to her ear. She grabbed a cup and put a tea bag in it as she put some toast in the toaster.

“Um…I…have a lot of studying to do but I’ll defiantly be home for summer holiday” Rae picked up the guilt in her sisters voice but also the lie in it too. Aullra was never the type to let school work pile up, she would practically have it done a week in advance if she knew something big was happening on a weekend Rae thought. It had been almost three months since Aullra had been home. Rae had a suspicion that day before she left for uni, seeing mum act that way towards there dad shook her. That maybe it was still to raw and painful for her to come back home so soon after. It made Rae worry a little about her sister.

“Ok that’s fine, spring break is not all that long anyways, hardly worth coming home for but we’ll miss you.” Rae tried to sound reassuring but wasn’t entirely sure she was able to keep the worry out of her voice.

“I’ll miss you guys as well, I wish I could come home, I know you need the extra help” The kettle started to whistled as Rae took it off the stove and poured the hot liquid in her cup. She could hear the tears in her sister’s voice; it made her wish she could hold her sister, wishing she could make the pain go away for her family.

“Aullra its fine I’ve got dad to help and my friends, I’m fine. You just concentrate on studying ok!” Rae had just finished buttering her toast and took it to the kitchen table with her tea as she held the phone with her shoulder to her ear again, trying to sound cheerful and reassuring but felt she wasn’t quite successful.

“Ok I will, bye I love you Rae” Aullra said quickly before hanging up.

“Love you too Aullra, buy” Rae said quietly knowing Aullra may not have heard her goodbye. Rae had just put down the phone when it rang again, she picked it up a bit annoyed but like lighting smiled at who was calling.

“Hiya Arch what’s going on?” Rae smiled over the phone always happy to here from Archie.

“Hi Rae, George and I have some news. We’re going to adopt a child” Arch said happily, Rae was so happy to hear this news she knew they had be talking about it for months and really was grateful for this distraction from her reality right now.

“Oh that’s wonderful Arch so tell me the details” Rae asked before taking a bite of toast than a sip of her hot tea.

“Well we found a couple of agencies that deal with gay adoption, we started the paper work but the only drawback is that we may have to wait for five or so years” some of Archie’s cheerfulness went out of his voice a little.

“Oh Arch I hope you don’t have to wait that long, you and George are going to make wonderful parents.” Rae said a little heartbroken for her friend.

“Well Rae there’s lots of couples gay or straight that wait years for a child but we’re hopeful, so what’s going on with you?”

“Oh you know work and just taking care of mum. Nothing much has changed” Rae tried to keep her voice neutral but knew that with Arch it was probably a waste of time to keep the worry out of her voice.

“Rae it’s me, your stereotype gay best friend what’s going on really?” Arch asked in that knowing voice that irritated Rae sometimes.

“Oh Archie…” Rae huffed out a laugh at Archie’s humor than let out a sigh. “Ok well, I think mums illness is getting to Aullra and dad. Aullra doesn’t want to come home and dad seems a bit off” Rae didn’t even bother to hide her worry in her voice this time.

“Well what do you think Rae?” Archie asked with concern in his voice.

“Honestly I think maybe Aullra seeing mum act that way to dad affected her some, maybe she just needs more time. I’m not sure about dad but I‘m trying to keep an eye out on him more” Rae let out another sigh.

“Rae how are you holding up?” Archie asked with a mix of concern and worry in his voice.

“ Oh I’m fine, just taking it one day at a time. It’s all I can do” Archie felt what Rae said sounded a little too rehearsed to his ears; he knew Rae was lying to herself.

“Are you sure Rae?” Archie pressed the issue. Rae didn’t want to talk about this than looked at the time seeing she needed to go to work and thought thank god for small favors.

“Yes I’m fine Arch but I have to go I’m gonna be late for work I’ll talk to ya soon” Rae got up from the table and put the dishes in the sink and started grabbing her purse and leather jacket she still had from when she was in her teens.

“Ok Rae um tell Finn I’ll call him latter with the news and we’ll defiantly have too talk soon, bye Rae.” Arch said sounding a little defeated at not being able to get Rae to be honest with herself.

“Yeah I tell him you’ll call, bye Arch” Rae hung up and headed out the door hoping she would make it to work on time. She push down the feelings Arch somehow found a way to stir, she could not deal with her own feelings right now. She needed to be strong for her family.

******************************

Rae got to work five minutes late, Finn was waiting for her with a brew, over the months he had restarted there old tradition. It always put a smile on Rae's face seeing him waiting to greet her. Finn nodded to the time on the clock with raised eyebrows as Rae looked apologetically at Finn. She took her tea Finn handed to her, telling him arch would call him today and made her way to her locker to put her stuff away. She than proceed to the studio to start her morning show that over the last few months was becoming popular. Rae finished her three-hour show, after handing the reigns to the next dj, she made her way to Finns office.

“Hiya sorry I was late this morning” Rae smiled apologetically at Finn leaning against the door frame of his office; Finn looked up and smiled back.

“Its ok was it sommat with ya mum that kept ya?” Finn asked with concern in his eyes as Rae came in the office and sat down in the chair in front of his desk.

“Oh no my sister called telling me she wasn’t coming home for spring break and than Archie called. That’s how I knew he was gonna call ya” Rae smiled at Finn while playing with the sleeve of her leather jacket. Finn got up to file some papers away than sat down in the chair next to Rae.

“Yeah he’s already told me the news and I really hope it won’t be that long of a wait for him and George. So why is Aullra not coming home?” Rae let out a sigh than leaned to the side of the chair closest to Finn. Rae rested her elbow on the arm of the chair as she cupped her chin in the palm of her hand looking at Finn.

“She says she has a lot of studying to do but I think seeing mum act that way to dad has really upset her. Also dad seems a bit off” Finn leaned in his chair taking Rae's left hand in his stroking the top of her hand with his thumb looking at Rae with concern. Rae gave Finn a thin smile but he picked up the worried look in her eyes.

“Do you think he could be depressed?” Rae had started to wonder that herself here lately.

“Possibly, I mean I should be the expert on it but I don’t know if it’s that or he’s just a bit down because of mum’s illness. I know how easy it sneaks up on ya, I just wish my dad and Aullra didn’t have to go through this” Rae let out a sigh than pressed her lips together, closing her eyes to stop the tears she didn’t want to shed especially in front of Finn.

“Do you need some time off Rae to help your mum and da more?” Finns heart was breaking for Rae and her family. He was prepared to help Rae as much as she would let him.

“No but thank you for the offer, if I do though I’ll let ya know” Rae gave Finn a warm smile at his kindness.

“Ok but just to let ya know if you do it will be paid time off”

“But that’s for full time employees, I’m only part time you don’t have to do that, I mean can you even afford to do that?” Rae was so touched at Finn’s offer knowing the station was doing well but a big chunk of income had to go for repaying the lone to the bank for buying the station.

“Well I’m that boss and I can do that, besides I want to. It’s my way of helping and you let me worry about if I can afford it, you got enough to worry about, sounds like” Finn squeezed her hand in reassurance.

“Finn you have helped by giving me a job but I won’t argue if ya sure…so what film did ya get for our film night?” There movie night had started six months back when Finn had come around Raes after a disastrous first date that Finn told her all about. Rae had felt a little sting in her heart at the news that Finn went out with some one but pushed the feelings aside; they were friends now nothing more. She asked if he wanted to watch the rocky horror picture show with her, he said yes and it stared a new tradition.

“Yes I’m sure and a classic… Howard the Duck” Finn gave Rae a crooked smile as she grimaced at his choice.

“Howard the duck really Finn, not only do I question your music taste but I question your movie taste as well” Rae giggled, Finn put his hand to his chest in a mock look of hurt.

“Well I wasn’t the one who rented waterworld” Finn smirked as Rae scoffed

“I don’t think the film was that bad besides I thought it had good action scenes” Rae rolled her eyes at Finn than gave him a crooked smile

“Rae the planet is covered in water how the fuck did they get oil to make petrol” Rae had looked at the clock and saw she was going to be late on checking up on her mum and dad.

“From the Exxon Valdez of course as the end of the movie showed, look we’ll have to continue this later I need to go to mum and dads” Rae got up grabbing her purse as Finn got up at the same time. Finn gave Rae a lingering hug; both could feel the heat between them, the pull that always seemed to draw them together. The familiar sent of the other sends a heady rush through there bodies. They slowly pulled away; there cheeks just graze the other as they turn to look into each others eyes. Finn licks his lips as he looks at Rae’s mouth than back to her eyes; Rae swallows thickly as the energy in the room changes. They both could feel the breath of the other on there lips, there hearts pounding as there lips were inches apart moving ever so closer as their souls longed for contact.

“Hey Finn I can’t find that one primal scream album…oh sorry I’ll just keep looking” Jake one of the dj’s nervously backed out of the room. Rae abruptly pulled apart from Finn, as the moment between them was broken.

“Well I’ve got to go we’ll have to continue um…uh I see ya tonight” Rae said nervously as she started to make her way out of the room. Her heart screamed at her to go back but she pushed down the emotions, she didn’t want to deal with those feelings right now. She had to worry about her mum and now it seemed her dad as well.

“Yeah to be continued Rae” Finn said quietly to the empty room as he leaned back on his desk, a long dormant aching need started to grow in his heart once again.

******************************

Rae got to her mum and dads at around noon, she came into the house and went to go find her mum. Rae found Linda sitting on the settee watching an old Monty Python episode. She saw karim outside feeding his birds and that was one thing Rae noticed about her dad of late, he seemed to loose interest in his birds, he would feed them but now he didn’t admire, sing or even talk to them like he use to. Karim finished feeding the birds and came back inside the house but Rae noticed a bruise on the side of his face and it worried Rae.

“Dad what happened to the side of ya face?” Rae said with concern in her voice as she reached for her dads face to try to take a better look but karim shrugged her off.

“I’m fine it was accident at work” Karim said a bit agitated. Rae didn’t buy it; it didn’t look like a bruise from an accident but from someone hitting him.

“Did mum do this to you?” Rae said in a quite voice, Karim just walked past her but not before she saw that hurt look in his eyes and knew the answer to her question. Her mum had become more physical when she was confused; Linda even hit Rae once when she was trying to help her mum to the bathroom.

“Dad it was mum wasn’t” Rae said in a knowing voice, Karim turned around so fast it made Rae back up a little.

“I SAID IT WAS ACCIDENT AT WORK” Karim snapped at her causing Rae to flinch. This was not the first time her dad lashed out at her. The other day she asked if he ate something and when he said no she offered to make him something to eat. He yelled at her that he was not hungry and just went to bed. It had unnerved Rae because it was uncharacteristic of her dad to be like that.

“Ok I’m sorry I believe you, do you want something to eat?” Rae asked hesitantly not wanting her dad to lash out again.

“Sorry Rae for yelling and no not hungry. I’m just going to bed, tired” Karim said with regret in his voice as he started to make his way up to his room he once shared with Linda but now she slept in Rae and Aullra's old room. Both Rae and Karim felt separate sleeping arrangements was best after Linda woke up several times screaming and confused at karim sleeping next to her. Rae felt that this affected her dad more than he let on.

“Ok dad I’ll watch mum you get some sleep,” Rae said calmly as she let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Rae dug out her mobile phone and called Finn.

“Hiya Finn” Rae said quietly and with a bit of sadness to her voice.

“Hey Rae what’s going on” Finn said in a hesitant voice.

“Yeah dads not well today and I need to cancel on our film night sorry…b-but to be continued” Rae said apologetically.

“It’s ok Rae you take care of your family and defiantly to be continued girl” Finn said reassuringly. It would be months before they would have another move night.

“Thanks Finn bye”

“ Bye Rae” Rae hung up the phone and made her way to the kitchen to make some tea and found herself putting her hands on the cabinets again, counting to ten. A few more weeks went by and Rae became more concerned for her dad. He continued to lash out at her, he stared to lose weight, he became more withdrawn, and Rae found alcohol bottles in the trash bin and knew her dad was not coping. It was a few days latter after her discovery, that she knew she needed to find help for her dad. It was a late spring day and Rae had just finished her morning radio show, she had decided to go straight to her parents house to check up on her mum and dad.

“Mum what are you doing out side?” Rae asked with concern as her mum was wandering around the front of the house looking lost. She was dressed only in her nightgown.

“Oh Rae thank god you’re here, I can’t find the house I-I don’t know how I got here” Linda said fearfully as she was fidgeting with her hands looking franticly around her trying find her home.

“Where’s dad why isn’t he looking after ya” Rae said calmly but you could here an underlining anger to here voice.

“I don’t know where victor is and why would he be taking care of me, he skipped out on us. I swear you talk more random then duck shite” Linda continued to look frantic. Rae smiled for a moment at her mums familiar words it made her feel that her mum was still somewhere in her head. Rae took of her leather Jacket and put it around her mum.

“Mum lets get you inside, I know were home is” Rae said calmly as she started to lead her mum inside.

“Ok your so kind I have a girl baby that’s kind like you, do you know her? Here names Rae.” Rae felt a sharp pain in her heart at her mum’s words knowing that her mum was lost in that insidious fog of her illness again.

“Yeah I know your daughter, your right she is very kind” Rae tried to keep her voice cheerful but could not quite keep the hurt out of her voice. Rae lead her mum inside the house and made some tea to help warm her than after took her to the bathroom to use and helped dress her in some tracksuit bottoms and top. Rae had started to put her in them because her mum started to forget how to dress herself, Rae found it was the easiest way to get her mum dressed. Of course, Rae knew if her mum was of sound mind she would hate the fact she was in old people’s clothes. Rae led her mum to her room and went to find Karim. She found him in his room, the smell of alcohol hit her nose as she entered the room. The light in the room was dim due to the closed curtains, the sheets looked like they hadn’t been change in awhile, there were crumpled up clothes in the overflowing hamper, empty liquor bottles were scattered all over the room. The anger Rae had dissipated when she saw her dad lying on the bed looking gaunt and pale, blurry eyed from drinking too much, with tear-stained cheeks, and he looked like he hadn’t showered in days. Rae went to the wardrobe and miraculously found some clean clothes for Karim. She took them to the bathroom and started a shower than went back to the room opened up the curtains letting light in causing Karim to wince at the brightness. She sat down next to him putting her hand on his back rubbing it in comfort.

“Dad let’s get you cleaned up, I’ve got a shower going for ya and clean clothes for ya to were” Rae said gently as Karim sighed and started to sit up.

“Ok” Rae could hear the defeated and hollow sound in his voice. She helped him up and walked with him to the bathroom after he went in and closed the door, Rae went back to the bedroom to clean up. She put new clean sheets on the bed, gathered the dirty clothes and went downstairs to put them in the wash. Rae went back upstairs with some trash bags and started to pick up the empty alcohol bottles than she went to check up on her mum, she found her mum asleep. Rae than went to check up on her dad. She knocked on the door and waited for an answer after a couple of minutes with no answer she knocked again.

“Dad are you ok in there?” Rae listened but no answer again, she tried the doorknob and opened the unlocked door to peek in side, she saw him still in his dirty clothes with a razor blade close to his wrist. He had a look of struggle in his eyes as tears fell down his face, Rae barged into the room to take the razor out of his hands.

“NO, no, no dad stop!” Rae said fearfully as she threw the razor in the sink, the razor scraped along the porcelain as it slid down the drain. Rae held him as he crumbled onto the floor, Rae lowering herself with him as he’s shaking with sobs speaking in French; Rae starts to rock him like a little child.

“It will be alright dad” Rae said more to herself than Karim. Rae blinked back tears; feeling she needed to be strong right now for her dad, to hold him together, to be the glue for the family to keep them from falling apart.

“Ln-Lnda mon cœu, mon âme, chez moi.” Karim said quietly, Rae could feel the heartbreak in his voice as he kept repeating the same words.

“ Dad I could only pick up the word heart, what are you saying? ” Rae held her dad tighter, Rae had picked up enough French to understand some of what her dad was saying but it was hard to make it out with him this upset.

“Sh-She is my heart, soul, home… I don’t know what I do without her… She hits me now, looks at me as a stranger. Heart feels like it dies a bit. It hurts to live” Rae could feel every ounce of agony in his words as her hatred for her mums illness grows even more.

“Please dad…please fight…please fight for Aullra and me we need you in our lives. Dad you need help, to talk to someone” Rae asked pleadingly as tears threatened to fall, that she quickly blinked away determined to stay strong.

“Y-yes t-talking would be good, talking worked for you” Karim said tearfully. Rae put out a hand to test the water and found it was cold and reached over to turn it off.

“We need to get you cleaned up but the water is cold, we’ll have to wait for it to warm up again” Rae helped up her dad and took him back to his room. They sat down on the edge of the bed to wait for the water to heat back up.

“I’m sorry you saw me like this” Karim said defeated.

“On dad don’t be sorry, I should of gotten you help sooner but I‘m going to now. I‘m going to call Sahra to help watch mum a bit. You go and take a shower; water should be warm now and than rest. I‘m going to talk to someone who can help, ok” Rae smiled at karim in encouragement.

“Yes ok, shower would be good” Karim said quietly as he got up and went to the bathroom. Rae went to check up on her mum. Rae found her mum still asleep something she’s been doing a lot here lately that Rae noticed. She went to the kitchen to check on the clothes to find it needed another ten minutes before needing to go into the dryer. Rae took a moment, putting her hands flat on the counter and counted to ten. She went back upstairs to check on karim and found him asleep lying back on the bed in the clean clothes she found. She pulled out her mobile phone and called Sahra.

******************************

Sahra and Chop with there nearly one year old daughter Lily had arrived an hour after Rae's call. Rae had asked if Sahra could watch her mum for awhile so she could go talk to some one about getting help for her dad. Sahra had agreed to come over but needed to call chops mum to take her daughter, Rae said that would be fine and promised she would not be too long.

“Sahra thank you so much for coming sorry about the short notice” Rae gave Sahra a grateful hug.

“Oh no problem I told ya if ya needed any help I’d be here for ya” Sahra smiled at Rae as she walked into the kitchen putting down Lily’s changing bag with chop holding their daughter following after.

“Good to see ya Raemundo” Chop gave lily to Sahra and hugged Rae.

“Hey chop I wasn’t expecting ya, its good to see ya” Rae smiled warmly at Chop as they broke apart from the hug. Chop took hold of his daughter and grabbed her changing bag

“Oh well I‘m not staying long, I‘m taking my little angel here to me mums in a minute. I was just dropping off Sahra hear ” Chop looked at his daughter adoringly as Rae and Sahra smiled at the scene.

“Yeah chops mum was busy at some function until four that’s why I couldn’t come any sooner sorry” Sahra looked apologetically at Rae.

“Oh no don’t worry about it ya fine and it gave me a chance to see this little one” Rae made faces at lily that made her giggle.

“ Rae how’s ya dad doing?” Sahra asked Rae with concern. Rae took a deep breath.

“ He’s sleeping right now but he’s bad off, I need to find him help” Rae had a worried look on her face. Chop and Sahra looked at each other with empathetic looks on there faces.

“ Rae is there anything I can do to help?” Chop asked hoping he could do something to ease Rae's burden even just a little.

“Not really but I think I’m gonna have to give up the flat and move back in here to help take care of mum and dad properly” Rae didn’t like the idea but she was needed at home more.

“ Rae you keep the flat, ya gonna need a place of ya own when ya dad gets better and he will. In fact don’t worry about rent its yours rent free ok” Rae was so touched at chops kind offer she truly felt blessed at having great friends in her life.

“ Chop thank you but ya don’t have to do that, it might be months and that’s a lot of rent you‘ll be loosing”

“I don’t care about that I’ve got other flats rented out I’m not loosing nothing. I want to help baby girl so no arguments” Chop smiled at Rae warmly.

“Alright no arguments but I really do need to go, thanks Chop” Rae gave him another hug for his kindness and made her way out to the front door. Sahra followed her stopping her for a moment .

“Rae how you holding up Really?” Sahra asked in a knowing voice. Rae let out a sigh than looked at her friend.

“I’m doing fine, just taking it a day at a time but I’m copping. I really need to go and I’ll be back as soon as I can thanks again Sahra, bye.” Rae turned and walked out the door. Chop came up behind Sahra putting his arm around her as he held a sleeping lily and changing bad in his other arm.

“Do you think she’s fine?” Chop asked with concern

“I don’t know, I hope so” Sahra said with concern and worry in her voice. Chop held her tighter than left with their daughter as Sahra made her way back inside to look after Linda.

******************************

She walks to the familiar doors reaching for the handle opening it. She enters the building and warm memories flood her mind, as they always seem too as she walks further into the swan. She scans the room for the only person who can help her find Kester and there he was behind the bar talking to a patron. Rae makes her way to Danny as he looks up with a big smile at her.

“Rae this is a surprise its good to see ya” Danny walked out from behind the bar to give Rae a warm hug.

“Hi Danny, Its good to see ya too…I need ya help Danny” Rae smiled warmly at Danny

“Sure anything ya need, so what do ya need me help with?” Danny asked with a quizzical expression on his face. Rebecca had stepped out of the loo when she spotted Rae and made her way over.

“Rae it so good to see you” Rebecca gave Rae a big hug. Rae loved Rebecca she was kind, gentle and would tell you like it is, in a way she reminded Rae of Tixy. Rebecca was a curvy girl the same height as Danny with raven hair, rare violet eyes and beautiful light mocha skin, Rae thought Rebecca and Danny were well suited for each other and couldn’t believe they were coming up on there seventh anniversary soon.

“You too Becky how are the kids?” Rebecca always insisted her friends call her Becky she thought Rebecca was too formal of a name.

“Oh there good, your namesake Rae has started playing in a junior football team and has been loving it” Becky beamed like only a proud mum could be.

“Becky you’ll have to tell me when little Rachel plays a game so I can cheer her on. She turns six on her next birthday right?”

“I will Rae and yeah she will be. The twins are doing good, I still cant believe Tixy and Kester will be starting primary school next autumn, time is going by too fast” Becky chuckled

“Yeah, sound like ” Rae Chuckled

“Becky love, Rae needed to talk to me about sommat. Could ya please watch the bar while we talk?” Danny asked giving his wife a big smile.

“Sure my love, we’ll have to catch up latter Rae” Rae said her goodbye as Becky went behind the bar. Rae and Danny walked over to a table near by and sat down.

“ So how can I help ya Rae?” Danny said seriously as Rae let out a breath while playing with a beer mat nervously.

“Dads really bad off he needs to talk to someone, I found him in the bathroom today with a razor…um…he was…um” Rae closed her eyes swallowing a limp in her throat taking another deep breath to clear her head trying not to cry.

“Its ok Rae I got it, is he ok now?” Danny asked with compassion on his face, knowing what Rae was trying to say almost happened with her dad.

“He’s at home sleeping while Sahra is helping me by watching mum. I need Kesters number and I know he’s retired and all but I figure ya still talk to him” Rae bit her lower lip feeling so bad for loosing touch with her old therapist.

“ Yeah I got it and yeah we still talk from time to time, although he‘s semi retired he still talks to a couple of patients. Got a pen and paper?”

“Yeah in my purse. I didn’t know that about him but I would have if I kept in touch with Kester. Life just seemed to get in the way” Rae reached in her purse to fish out some paper and a pen than gave them to Danny. He wrote down Kesters number and handed it to her.

“ Rae that’s life we all loose touch with people but it makes the reunions with ones we care about that much sweeter. He will be happy to hear from ya though” Danny said reassuringly.

“yeah but of all the people I lose touch with it has to be Kester” Rae shakes her head as she absent mindlessly starts scratching her hand. Danny put his hand on hers to stop her with concern in his eyes.

“ Rae how are you coping?” Danny looked at Rae with a seriousness in his eyes that surprised her to see.

“ Honestly today shook me a little but I’m coping, I’m fine” Rae gave Danny a tight smile hoping Danny would just drop this conversation .

“ Really Rae and is that why you were scratching your hand? Is that how you been copping?” Danny said gruffly causing Rae to wince.

“ Of course not I didn’t realize I was doing it. I’ve been using the copping techniques Kester taught me ok” Rae said tersely. Danny took his hand off Rae's and gave her another serious look.

“You and I both know how easy it can be to lose ourselves, when ya find someone for ya dad to talk to maybe you should too.” Danny said quietly as he got up. Rae looked down unable to look at her old friend.

“I’ve got to get back it’s getting busy, buy Rae” Danny was turning around to head back to work when Rae took hold of his hand.

“Sorry Danny and thanks for Kester's number” Rae said apologetically giving Danny a small smile.

“Just find someone to talk to that’s the best way ya can thank me, bye Rae” Danny gave Rae a reassuring squeeze to her hand, letting go and walking back to work. Rae taking a moment to collect her thoughts and emotions, taking a deep breath she takes out her mobile phone and called Kester's number.

******************************

She was sitting in another doctors waiting room, its very modern looking with its hardwood floors, sleek furniture, etched glass doors, wall painted in a modern color scheme. It was a room that screamed twenty-first century to Rae. She had been waiting in Dr. Stacy Evans waiting room for almost forty-five minutes, for Karim to be done with his first appointment, with the psychiatrist that Kester had recommended for her expertise in caregivers of terminally ill loved ones. Rae's thought back on that conversation and how nerve wracking it had been.

_**“Hello” Rae was nervous at hearing her old therapists voice; she took a deep breath before speaking.** _

_**“Hi Kester its Rae” Rae bit the corner of her lip nervously.** _

_**“Rae its good to hear from you how have you been” Kester said cheerfully.** _

_**“I’m ok, um I've move back home nearly a year ago this august. Um my mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s couple years back, so I’ve been helping take care of mum” Rae said quietly trying to keep the tears at bay. Kester ever astute picked up in Rae's voice something that told him she was holing back.** _

_**“Rae I’m very sorry to hear that, did you need to talk about it? I’m available to talk whenever you need to” Kester said with sympathy and reassurance in his voice that made Rae smile** _

_**“Thank you but it’s my dad Karim that needs some one to talk to. He’s very depressed, today I found him with a razor in his hand, and he almost tried…I stopped him and got him talking but he needs professional help. I was wondering if you knew anybody that could help” Rae said as she breathed out a trembling breath, the tears were forming and one lone tear fell as she quickly wiped it away blinking back the rest Refusing to cry.** _

_**“Um yeah I know of a colleague of mine who specializes in therapy for caregivers, I can give you her number, her name is Dr. Stacy Evans and her office is in Stamford so she well be close for you to go to.” Kester told Rae Dr. Evans number as she wrote it down.** _

_**“Thank you Kester, I’m sorry I lost touch with ya its just life I guess got in the way” Rae felt the need to apologize to Kester, hearing his voice made her feel guilty at not checking in from time to time.** _

_**“Rae its ok, my hope with my patents is they wouldn’t need me after a certain time, that I did my job and helped them find ways ,healthy ways to cope with life but it is always good to here from them periodically no matter how long that is.” Kester said warmly. Rae felt a bit better, less nervous that she was before.** _

_**“Rae, how you coping?” Rae couldn’t help but roll her eyes but found herself smiling at Kester for being Kester.** _

_**“I’m fine…I’m doing all the coping skills you taught me to get trough but if I …need someone I’ll know who to call now” Kester wasn’t fooled he could here the hesitation in her voice.** _

_**“Rae as a caregiver I think you should……** _

“Miss Earl…Miss Rae Earl” Rae was brought back to the present day as the nurse was calling for her.

“Yes I’m sorry, what was it that ya needed ?” Rae got up to walk to the door where the nurse was standing that led to the doctors office.

“The doctor wanted to see you and talk but your dad is done with his appointment.” The Nurse who looked to be in her Fifty’s smiled warmly at Rae as she led her to the doctors office.

“ Do you know why the doctor wanted to see me?” Rae asked confused.

“ No just that she wanted to talk, you may have a seat anywhere” The nurse smiled and left. Rae saw Karim in the office, she told him the doctor wanted to see her and wouldn’t be long, Karim went out to the waiting room to wait for her. She took a seat in one of the comfy chairs near the desk, Rae was looking around when the Dr. Evans came in and Rae’s jaw practically hit the ground at who she saw.

“Stacey bloody Stringfellow!” Rae said in shock. Stacey came around the desk to sit down folding her hands in front of her.

“ Hi Rae, um Stringfellow is my maiden name its Evans now” Stacey smiled small at Rae before looking down.

“ I see that” Rae was so flabbergasted she couldn’t find the right word for this situation.

“This is probably a bit of a shock seeing me I’m sure”

“Shock is a bit of an underestimate its more like unfucking believable” Rae said tersely as she glared at the woman in front of her. Stacey took a deep breath before looking at Rae regretfully.

“ Rae I sincerely want to apologize for how I treated you in collage, I was a right cow to you ,well to a lot of people. You didn’t deserve it and neither did anyone else. I really am sorry Rae” Stacy said apologetically, Rae could hear the sincerity and regret in her voice. Rae wasn’t sure if she believed her or not but the way Stacey looked made Rae give her the benefit of the doubt this time.

“I’m not gonna lie collage was a nightmare for me and you didn’t help it any but I do accept your apology, I do appreciate it” Rae gave Stacey a thin smile.

“If this is awkward I can recommend someone else to be your dads therapist if you would like” Stacey said empathetically.

“No um no Kester recommended you so I’ll trust his judgment…um ok I have to ask why a doctor” Rae had a inquiring look on her face as her curiosity got the better of her.

“Well life has a way of changing your plans, I was going to do something in fashion when my mum was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, ms for short. My dad became my mums caregiver and I saw how hard it was for him. When our family went to therapy, I saw how much it helped and decided that’s what I wanted to do, to help other caregivers also maybe throw out some good karma after all the bad I threw out.” Stacey huffed out a breath with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

“Oh Stacey I’m so sorry about ya mum, is she doing ok?” Rae said with a compassionate look on her face.

“Thank you sadly she passed away last year” Rae’s heart went out to Stacey, something she never thought would ever happen in a million years.

“My condolences for ya mum…um well I’ve got to go” Rae started to get up and make her way out the door.

“Rae just to let you know I do therapy with the entire family not just the individual caregiver. Seeing that you take care of your mum and now it looks like your dad, it can be very stressful, if you ever need to talk I’m available and I can schedule a family therapy session if you want” Rae let out deep breath and looked at Stacey.

“Honestly Stacey I’m not sure I feel comfortable taking with you, I’m sure you a good therapist and all but really I’m fine I have friends to talk to and Kester. I really do need to go…so um bye” Stacey didn’t feel like Rae was being honest with herself but hoped she would be in the future.

“Fair enough, bye Rae” Rae nodded her head in acknowledgment and went to the waiting room. She and Karim left the building and started for home.

******************************

Rae opened the door letting her and karim in, she put her keys back in her purse and put it in on the kitchen counter. Karim went out side to feed his birds but for the first time in months, he took time to admire them putting a smile on Rae's face. She knew it was a first step in getting better for him but it would still take time for him to learn how to cope with what’s been happening in the family. Rae looked for Sahra and her mum and found them upstairs looking at photos. Sahra turned and saw Rae and asked how the therapy went. Rae told her it went well and all about whom the doctor was; Sahra thought it was a small world for that to have happened. Sahra told Rae she had to leave and pick up lily at chops mums and to call her if she needed anything at all than left. Linda was having a good day she only had one distressful moment when she could not find her purse, both Rae and Karim search the house top to bottom until Rae found it in the oven, thankfully it hadn’t been turned on. Rae had noticed her mum put things in the oddest of places. Rae had started dinner while her mum and karim were watching the telly. Rae took out her mobile to call Finn.

“Hello” Rae smiled at the sound of Finns voice.

“Hi Finn” Rae had noticed he sounded out of breath.

“Rae how’s it going” Finn said happily still breathing out hard breaths.

“Um ok, dad had his first therapy session today and your not going to believe who the doctor is”

“That’s great, So who’s the doctor” Finn was happy to know Rae's dad was getting help, he had been concerned when Rae called him the day she called Kester.

“Stacey Stringfellow of all people” Rae still had that surprised tone in her voice.

“Really I thought your dad was seeing a Dr. Evens” Finn was stunned to hear this and wondered what had happened.

“He did that’s her married name and why are you so out of breath” Rae asked quizzically.

“Oh I was working out on the punching bag, so what happened with Stacey and you?”

“Well she apologized to me for all the shite she put me through in collage” Rae still was shocked that Stacey actually did that, she honestly felt she was in an old twilight zone episode.

“So do you believe her?” Finn almost scoffed at hearing Stacey being sorry for something, she had only ever been mean, it was one of many reasons why he broke up with her.

“Yeah I do she seemed sincere about it. I guess time has a way of changing people but that’s not why I called um I’m gonna need that time off that you said I could have if I needed it”

“Yeah Rae you’ve got it, so how long do you need” Finn had a sympathetic tone in his voice.

“Maybe a few months or until my dad is better able to cope…I feel that I’m just needed here to keep a routine going for mum and be there for me dad right now” Finn could hear the sadness in her voice, he wished he could hold her and comfort her.

“That’s fine Rae I’ll fill in for ya. This job will be waiting for ya when you can come back, you just be with ya family” Finn said reassuring Rae.

“Thanks Finn for understanding” Rae said softly.

“Rae I’d do anything for ya…to help” Finn wanted to talk about what almost happened in his office a couple of weeks back but this wasn’t the time to bring it up seeing as Rae had a lot to deal with at the moment.

“Thank you again Finn um I got to go, I’ve got dinner to finish and help mum get ready for bed. We’ll talk soon”

“ yeah bye Rae”

“Bye Finn” after Rae hit the end button on her phone she had called the editors she freelanced for and told them she wouldn’t be able to write for a while. They all had been understanding about it, a couple of editors even said when she was able to again she would have work with them.

Dinner was a simple meal of spaghetti and garlic bread, after their meal Rae helped her mum with a bath and getting ready for bed while karim cleaned up. Her mum had started to get agitated with Rae when she wanted to wear the clothes she was wearing that day but Rae was calmly telling her mum they were dirty. After Linda hit Rae a couple of times Rae relented and put the dirty clothes back on her mum, this seem to calm her down. Linda in a lucid moment gave Karim a hug goodnight like she use too which made Karim happy but tore at his heart knowing hugs like these wouldn’t last. Karim went to bed soon after saying goodnight to Rae, she got the pullout bed ready for her to go to sleep . Rae was laying in bed willing sleep to come to her, she looked at the ceiling lost in the patterns of the light and dark shadows playing across it. She didn’t know when she started but she finally realized she was absentmindedly scratching her hand again, Rae stopped herself than rolled over on her side and closed her eyes as a fitful sleep overtook her.

******************************

The next few weeks saw a routine form in the Bouchtat house for Rae. It was filled with making sure Linda didn’t wander out of the house without some one, taking karim to his Dr. appointments, cleaning, making meals, helping her mum in the bathroom when she needed to use it, cleaning her up after accidents, keeping her dad company. Soon Karim started to go back to work leaving Rae alone more often with her mum, thankfully Sahra came over to help when she could. Those were the days Rae were grateful for, it provided her with a distraction from the tiring routine that had taken over her life. Sahra of coarse tried to get Rae to talk about her feelings but Rae kept insisting she was handling it ok that she was taking it day by day. Sahra had to concede to the fact that Rae had to want to talk and she didn’t so conversations were kept to everyday subjects. Rae was doing laundry on a warm June day when the phone rang.

“Hello” Rae said rather gruffly although not meaning to it had been a tiring day as her mum was having a bad day.

“Rae its me Aullra, did I call at a bad time?” Aullra asked hesitantly not wanting to get on her sisters bad side, what she was about to say was most likely make her sister disappointed.

“Oh Aullra no, no I’m sorry its just mums having one of those days. Its good to hear from you I know its been a couple of weeks since we last talked when I told ya about how dad was doing. So what’s going on?” Rae felt bad for being gruff with her sister but the call made her realize how much she missed her.

“ Um I’m not coming home for summer holiday just yet I’m taking this course that’s only offered in the summer. Its only a six week course so I’ll be home for a couple of weeks in august before I go back to uni. I really want to take this course it um it deals with teaching special needs kids I figure it would be a good thing to have in my repertoire as a teacher” Aullra said this very nervously Rae thought and knew instantly she was hiding something.

“Ok that’s fine, it sounds like a good class to take if your going to become teacher but will miss ya” Rae said cheerfully trying to keep the sadness out of her voice. Rae knew this news would disappoint their dad he was looking forward to seeing his other daughter.

“Sorry Rae I know you need me to help and all” Aullra said Guiltily.

“Aullra its fine I’ve got friends that help. Me and dad will be fine, we’ll see ya when you come home in august ok” Rae said in a reassuring tone.

“Ok Rae, is dad home?” Aullra had missed her dad it had been months since she last saw him and they haven’t talked on the phone much earlier in the year because of his depression and its only been the last few phone calls that he’s been able to talk to her.

“Oh sorry Aullra no he’s at work” Rae said apologetically.

“Oh ok well tell him I said hi and that I love him. Tell mum I love her too” Aullra said with a sad and disappointed tone in her voice.

“ I well and I love you my little strong one”

“ I love you too Rae bye” Aullra said a bit tearfully.

“Bye” Rae hung up the phone then took a deep breath as she carried on with the laundry. She was starting to get worried about her sister and felt her family was starting to fall apart.

******************************

 

“What do you mean you can’t join us on our girls weekend? We been planning this for months. We already lost Sahra due to little rachel getting sick poor girl” Chloe looked so heartbroken on Rae’s computer screen as she was Skyping with Chloe, Izzy, and Rebecca who was in Paris for their girl’s weekend.

“I know but Aullra Is taking a summer course for her teaching degree and as much as dad is getting better day by day I don’t really want to leave him alone for a whole weekend with mum, he’s not quite ready for that.” Rae said sadly she was disappointed that she couldn’t spend time with her old friends and Becky but the timing wasn’t right for a girls weekend.

“You really can’t get anybody else, what about Finn?” Chloe said hesitantly but had a hopeful look on her face.

“Chloe, Finn is in London with Archie and George this weekend.” Rae knew Chloe was grasping at straws at this point.

“Rae how about Chloe and I just cancel our weekend here in Paris and come there. Help you out with ya mum than we can still see each other” Izzy suggested with her own hopeful look on her face.

“I think that would be a great idea Rae the kids are still at my parents place so it should give me and Danny private time. I’ve almost forgotten what that was like with three kids around” Becky said with a wistful look in her eyes as Chloe and Iz smiled at her with Rae huffing out a small laugh.

“No, no you girls have your weekend and have fun for me, I don’t want you to change your plans because I can’t come. We’ll have a girls weekend some other time maybe” Rae look at her friends reassuringly.

“We’ll try Rae but it won’t be any fun without ya. Well bright side I’ll see ya at lily’s birthday in august, I am her godmother and have to be there. I can show ya all the photos I’ve taken here in Paris ” Izzy looked excited about the idea but Rae saw the sadness in her eyes of not being able to hang out with Rae this weekend.

“Izzy that would be great I’ll be looking forward to that” Rae tried to look cheerful but Chloe picked up a weariness in Rae’s voice that made her worried for her friend.

“Rae how have you been coping with all this?” Chloe asked with concern in her voice.

“I’m coping ok Chloe I’m just taking it one day at a time.” Rae said in that now very well rehearsed reassuring tone that Chloe didn’t buy for a second.

“Rae are you sure I know your dad is talking to some one but are you?” Chloe, Izzy, and Becky were worried for Rae as they sensed something in her voice and could see that she seemed tired.

“Chloe I’m fine if I need to talk to someone I can talk to Kester or even if I have to Dr Evens. I still can’t believe its Stacy Stringfellow” Rae rolled her eyes at the thought, shaking her head. Rae had filled Chloe and Izzy in on who the doctor was with them reacting the same as Rae did in complete and utter shock.

“Ok Rae, if you ever need to talk well you know my number” Chloe gave Rae a thin smile hating it when Rae lies to her, Chloe knows Rae isn’t being honest with herself.

“Of course I will, well I hate to cut this conversation short but dad’s about to go to his therapy appointment and I have to go and take care of mum. It was good to see you girls even if it was through a computer screen.” Rae let out a huff of laughter but her friends saw it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Bye Rae” The girls said in unison as Rae said her goodbyes.

 

******************************

After the Skype chat with Chloe and Izzy Rae had went about finishing the laundry. She was starting lunch when Karim had found her telling her that he was called into work and he would be going there after his therapy session. So after a quick lunch with her dad she brought up same food for her mum who was in her bedroom. She was looking at pictures that were once familiar to her but now looked at them as if she was seeing them for the first time. Rae knew that if her mum saw these very same pictures in five minutes again it would be as if she never seen them before. Rae managed to get her mum to eat a little of the food but most times it was a struggle; her mum had bouts of paranoia from time to time. Her mum swore she was in another house or that Rae or Karim were not who they said they were. Those were the worst days but her days mostly consisted of being in a hazy insidious fog of forgetfulness, wondering around the house, struggling to communicate.

“Mum I have dinner ready would ya like something to eat?” Rae said calmly, her mum was having a difficult evening starting with misplacing a set of keys that she was carrying around with her lately. Rae had finally found them between the settees cushions, her mum seemed to have calmed a little but anymore it was short lived.

“Who are you? Why are you calling me mum? Your not my um…girl thing. Rae is tiny person. Were is she do you know?” Linda was continually finding it difficult to find the correct words and often Rae had to decipher what she was trying to say.

“Mum I’m right here, I’m your daughter Rae. I haven’t been a little girl for quite some time” Rae was able to know what her mum was trying to say this time but sometimes it was difficult just the other day she asked for her wind cover and Rae couldn’t figure it out until she picked up her mums jacket and Linda said wind cover.

“No you’re not Rae. Where is she?” Linda was looking frantic and Rae knew she had to calm her mum down.

“Ok I’m not Rae but maybe she’s upstaged in her room lets check” Rae put a genital hand on her mums back but Linda jumped away in suspicion.

“I’m not going anywhere with you I just want to find Rae” Rae knew this was going to be difficult; she took a deep breath finding the strength to get through this.

“Your daughter is upstairs let’s go up there and get her” Rae reached out to her mum but Linda swung at her hitting her in the arm causing Rae to wince in pain. Linda went to the bottom of the stairs and yelled for Rae.

“Rae is not answering I need to go check on her” Linda had a frightened look on her face as she went upstairs Rae following after. Linda went to Rae’s old room going in; Rae followed and saw her mum lost again.

“Why did I come in here? Can you help me? I don’t know where I’m at” Linda looked confused the fear of earlier gone from her face. Rae hesitantly put a gentle hand on her mums back and smiled at her hoping to keep her mum in this calm state.

“Come with me I’ll take you to your room and than you can lay down if you want’ Rae said soothingly as her mum nodded her head with that new look on her face that Rae started to hate so much.

Rae led her mum out the door to her room, Rae tried to get her mum to change her clothes but Linda didn’t want to so Rae fearing upsetting Linda compiled with her mums wishes. Rae stayed until her mum fell asleep than went to the locked wardrobe that housed Rae's clothes. Rae had put locks on the wardrobes after Linda started taking clothes out of them and putting the articles of clothing in the most strangest of places. Rae got out some Pjs than went to take a shower; she turned on the water to warm and got undressed. She got in facing the shower head, she leans her forehead on the cool tiles letting the warm water relax her tense muscles of her back. She put her hands on the tile and noticed the bruise forming on her arm; she looked at it almost as if in a trance, she absentmindedly slid a hand down the tiled wall and slowly turned the cold water down. The room filled with steam from the hot water. Every individual stream from the shower head felt like a razor cutting into her back. Rae let the scalding hot water burn her skin until only the pain on her back was felt and not the pain in her heart.

******************************

The rest of June and July went by in a blur, karim still struggled with his pain he still had days, usually the worst days for Linda, were he just wanted to stay in bed all day. Those were the days followed up with a therapy session or talking over the phone to Dr. Evans. Those days Rae had found herself struggling too, with trying to stay strong and fighting her old demons to cope but there were times when her demons won out under the stream of a hot shower. It was august finally and Rae couldn’t wait to see her sister, she had really missed her. Rae had gone to the train station to pick her sister up, Aullra saw Rae and gave her a big smile as she practically ran to her giving her a big hug. The sisters hugged for what seemed like hours before they broke apart. Rae and Aullra made there way out of the station and found there way to Rae’s car, putting Aullra's bags in the boot of the it before getting in and making there way home.

“ I’ve missed ya Rae”

“Well I’ve missed you too my little strong one” Rae said smiling at her sister glad that she was home.

“Yeah right, strong one” Aullra mumbled under her breath with a hint of disgust in her voice.

“ What was that?” Rae looked at her sister before looking back on the road, Rae sensed that her sister was nervous and a bit hesitant, her worry for her sister had started to increase.

“Oh nothing, so how’s dad and mum” Aullra said worriedly .

“About the same, dads still struggling some days but it takes time to get better.” Rae said softly. Rae took a small breath than put on a big smile for her sister.

“So how about you? How was that class?” Rae said in a cheerful voice that sounded to cheerful to Aullra's ears.

“Oh noting much just studying and the class was um…it was good” Aullra smiled small at Rae while nodding her head, Rae knew she was holding back something but knew her sister would tell her in time or at least she hoped she would.

“You’ll have to tell me all about it latter.” Rae looked over to Aullra giving her a warm smile before looking back to the road.

“Yeah latter” Aullra bit her lower lip as Rae took another glance and saw she was a bit fidgety. Aullra pulled out some cd’s from her purse and put one in. The song story of my life by One Direction blared through the car speakers much to Raes annoyance.

“ Really! One Direction Aullra” Rae groaned while rolling her eyes shaking her head.

“ Rae there not that bad” Aullra smirked than giggled at the look her sister gave her.

“On the scale of annoyance there right up there with the Backstreet Boys and Boyzone, just give me oasis, Garbage, Mazzy Star or the Stone Roses anything like that and I’ll be happy” Aullra laughed, she missed these conversations with her sister.

“ Your such a nineties music snob Rae” Aullra huffed out a laugh.

“ I am not and I thought I taught you better, the Stone Roses were formed in the eighties” Rae huffed

“ Relax Rae it’s a mixed cd, ya know one step up from the mixed tapes you had to make in the olden days” Aullra smirked than just started laughing when her sister looked at her with furrowed brows and pressed lips in a mock look of anger.

“ Oh fuck off sis” Rae and Aullra only called each other sis when they were mock fighting like this or when they were having a really major row with each other.

“ ok sis I’ll change it” Aullra said mock annoyance.

“ Its not another crap mainstream song is it?” Rae grimaced at the thought.

“ No its an Arctic Monkeys song, you should like that well enough”

“ Well it’s slightly better than One Direction, so I’ll take it” Rae gave her sister an begrudged look, Aullra just shook her head while lightly laughing. Both sisters let themselves forget for a time what was waiting for them at home. The rest of the drive was spent just listening to the music of the mixed cd and to Rae's happiness it did get better when it played some of Rae's favorites songs. They got home in time for dinner, Karim gave Aullra a great big hug as she was a bit tearful at the reunion than went to give her mum a tentative hug. She was surprised when her mum called her by her name, Linda was having one of her good days that were becoming fewer and far between anymore. After dinner Rae took her mum upstairs to bed as Linda was getting tired giving Aullra time to talk with their dad. The three of them stayed up until one in the morning playing a card game before they finally went to bed, Aullra shared the pullout with Rae as their dad went upstairs. The three of them tried not to think that soon this would be there new reality a life without Linda in it.

******************************

The week went by in a flash for the Bouchtat family even though Rae is sill an earl she has long since considered herself a Bouchtat. Most of the time Linda had good days the family almost let themselves believe it was like it was before until the day reality made an appearance, reminding them it will never be as before. The day had started out well, karim was happy to have his whole family back together, everyone was in high spirits until Linda wandered off into the back yard and out the back gate. It caused the family to panic, Finn was the only one Rae could reach to help look for her mum, thankful he found her in a nearby park sitting on a bench looking at the birds. He called a relived Rae to let her know he found her and brought Linda back home safe and sound. A grateful Karim had insisted Finn stay for dinner which he gladly accepted. After dinner Rae had walked Finn to the door while Aullra couldn’t help but notice how nervous they were around each other.

“Thanks for everything today fish boy” Rae snorted. Finn just laughed at his new nickname that Linda gave him.

“ Well it makes sense fish have fins and my name is Finn” Finn huffed out a small laugh as he looked at her with longing and a hint of sadness.

“ Well she was closer to your name than she’s been with mine…” Rae had a sobering look on her face than she huffed out breath than looked at Finn. “ It was pretty finny, I got to find some humor in all this. I may start calling you fish boy from now on” Rae smiled at Finn in away to let him know she wouldn’t really call him that. Finn smiled than looked at her.

“Ya know Rae we’re long over due for a film night, I've missed them and hanging out with you” Finn looked at Rae longingly.

“Yeah I know I’ve been missing them and you too. Maybe when dad is better and able to cope with being with mum alone, we’ll have one again.” Rae smiled small at Finn but he could see in Rae’s eyes weariness and something indiscernible that made Finn worry.

“Rae you doing ok?” Finn asked with a concern on his face. Rae felt a need to be honest with Finn, she wanted to tell him she wasn’t sure anymore.

“ Finn I’m…”Suddenly a loud scream from upstairs could be herd and Rae knew it was her mum.

“ I’ve got to go and help” Rae gestured behind her with an apologetic look in here eyes. Finn felt Rae was about to open up to him but knew the moment was gone.

“ Anything I can do to help?” Finn said empathetically.

“You already have you found mum, you’re a really good friend Finn” Finn couldn’t help but feel a tinge of pain in his heart at Raes words. He smiled small at her with a slight hurt and sad look in his eyes that Rae missed as she looked back. Another yell from her mum escaped from upstairs.

“Yeah that’s what friends are for, you better go, see ya Saturday at lily’s birthday party” Finn said quietly then turned to walk to his car.

“See ya Saturday Finn” Rae waved goodbye to Finn as he got in his car. She turned around and ran upstairs. She found her mum agitated while karim was trying to calm her. Rae looked at Aullra with worry.

“Aullra what happened?” Aullra had tears falling down her face with a mix of fear and sadness in her eyes.

“We were talking than she asked for her warm cover and I thought she wanted her jacket but she said no that it wasn’t warm cover. Than I figured a blanket I got one but than she stared screaming for her warm cover and I didn’t know what do so I called in dad than mum just went off on dad” Aullra said tearfully. Rae hugged Aullra in comfort than looked at karim.

“Dad could you get mums blue and white blanket from downstairs please” Karim nodded his understanding and went to go get it.

“Aullra you were half right its just she wanted a particular blanket, if she wants her jacket its wind cover or weather cover ” Rae said gently giving her sister a reassuring smile.

“Oh, I guess I would have known that if I was here more often” Aullra said guiltily with a bit of anger at herself in her voice.

“Aullra its not your fault ya had uni” Rae tried to reassure her sister but she picked up the anger in her voice and felt something not quit right was going on with her sister.

“Yeah right uni, um I-I’m going to bed I’m tired” Aullra gave a small smile, that didn’t reach her eyes, to Rae and hugged her sister before leaving to go to bed. Karim came into the room with Linda’s blanket that made her smile as she started to calm down. Rae helped her mum get ready for bed while karim went downstairs to clean up and make some tea. Rae came down an hour latter.

“ How’s Linda?” Karim asked in that heartbreaking way that he does anymore when it came to Linda.

“She’s asleep dad” Rae said a bit wearily. Rae looked at a clean cup that her dad washed, the very one Finn had drank out of at dinner. She picked it up running her thumb over the rim of the cup were his lips touched it. She looked at it thoughtfully as a long dormant longing in her heart started to came back to life . Karim looked at Rae with the cup knowing who it belonged to at dinner. Rae put the cup down then caught her dad looking at her.

“ What dad? What is it?” Rae asked with confusion, she was starting to feel like she had something on her face.

“ Noting some things you heart has to figure out on it’s own, goodnight Rae” Karim smiled at Rae as he left her alone in the kitchen.

******************************

The rest of the week went by without to much more drama, Saturday came and Rae was wrapping her gift to lily as Aullra was making breakfast. Karim was in the lounge with Linda watching the telly; Linda was having a rare good day. She seemed at ease with karim by her side much to his joy although he was still cautious, not making movements that could set Linda off. He was starting to get better at taking care of Linda and dealing with her temperamental moods. Karim was determined to get to a point where he could cope with the pain in his heart, the heartbreak at seeing the love of his life fade in front of him, of her looking at him as just some stranger. He wanted to live up to the vows he said on his wedding day that he would take care of her in sickness and in health, he lived up to it when Linda had been well and now it was time to live up to it as her illness continues to consume her. He was also worried about Rae, he knew his daughter was strong but knew strong people could crumble under the weight of it all. Karim wanted Rae to find a happy life and knew this was not the life she deserved. Rae and Aullra had gone to lily’s birthday party while Karim stayed to take care of Linda, the sisters got to Chop and Sahra’s house going to the back yard where the party was being held. It was a lovely party with a secret garden theme, which Rae thought was perfect since Chop and Sahra’s daughter was named after a flower. Rae had been pleasantly surprised to see Chloe, Archie and George at the party, they had told her they couldn't come but really only told her that to surprise her, after hugs and greetings were said plans to meet up at the pup latter that evening were made. The party was short with a reason, as toddlers are known to have meltdowns and short attention spans, lily was no exception, she was starting to get tired after presents were opened and the cake was served. Sahra went and put her daughter down for a nap while the gang helped chop clean up. Every one made there way back to there homes or hotel rooms to get ready to meet at the pub, Rae and Aullra came home and Karim asked how the party went, the sisters told him it had been good although noisy. Karim had told them he had been called into work because someone called in sick, Rae had been heartbroken at the thought she wasn’t going to be able to visit the gang at the pup but Aullra said she would look after there mum. Rae wasn’t sure if Aullra could handle being with mum but her sister insisted Rae have some time with her friends. Rae had Aullra promise to call her if she needed help and told her she wouldn’t be home to late. Rae met the gang at the pup, it was a busy Saturday night there was hardly any room to move around in but Rae made her way to the table her friends were sitting at. The gang greeted Rae with hugs as she found a seat next to Archie while the seat next to her was empty.

“ Where’s Finn?” Rae asked he seeing was the only one missing. All of a sudden a pair of hands covered her eyes.

“Guess who!” Finn whispered in her ear the breath causing a familiar spark to run through Rae’s body.

“Um Damon Albarn” Rae quickly found her Baerings as she teased Finn

“No guess again” Finn huffed out a laugh while the gang rolled there eyes at them.

“One of the Gallagher brothers, Noel, Liam” Rae continued to tease Finn while trying to control her racing heart.

“Rae come on you know who it is” Finn said in mock annoyance.

“Ok, ok Finn” Rae giggled that made Finns heart beat a little faster.

“Fancy a pint girl?”

“Yeah sure” Rae went to get out money when Finn stopped her.

“Its ok my shout, snakebite” Finn smiled warmly at Rae as she nodded her head.

“Thanks Finn” Rae said appreciatively. Finn got up to go and get her a pint as Rae started talking to Chloe and Izzy, Archie was talking to Chop and Danny so Rae had to wait to talk to Arch.

“So iz do ya have your pictures with I’m dying to see them” Izzy nodded as she took some out of a folder she had on her. They were pictures of landscapes in pairs and to Chops surprise of lily’s birthday.

“Oh Iz Sahra is gonna love these pictures of lily, how did ya get them done so fast?” Chop said in amazement and appreciation.

“It’s the perks of digital photography and I also have the things I need to develop pictures in the hotel room,” Izzy giggled. Finn had come back with Rae's drink and sat down next to her leaning into her slightly. Rae smiled at him in thanks.

“So what did I miss?” Finn looked at the photos in Rae's hand than took a drink of his pint.

“Iz is showing some pictures she took, Izzy there beautiful” Rae looked at Izzy with admiration in her eyes at the wonderful pictures her friend took. They were quite breathtaking Rae thought iz had a gift with the camera.

“Wow Iz your photos are amazing” Finn smiled at Iz warmly as he took another drink of his pint. The rest of the gang agreed that the photos were great.

“Aww you guys thanks.” Izzy blushed as she put the photos back in her folder, putting the birthday photos in a separate folder giving it to chop. He gave her a hug in thanks and bought her a drink. Chloe found a moment to tell Rae all about Rick, that she finally found a quite kind person to love and loved her back, Rae was so happy for her best mate. Archie had told the gang when they asked about how the adoption was going that it was slow but moving along. He and George had been reading up on child safety, parenting tips and all of the things you need for a baby. It was about this time Sahra finally arrived at the swan. Chops mum had agreed to watch her granddaughter for the evening but had to do something for a club first so Sahra had to wait for a little bit before she could join the gang. Sahra gave iz a big hug for the photos and asked if Archie and George needed any parenting tips, both Arch and George said yes in unison casing the gang to break out into laughter. The gang started to reminisce about times spent in the swan in there collage days that made both George and Sahra laugh, Rae felt a very familiar tingle when Finn wrote on her thigh **can we talk?** , Rae looked at him and nodded her head. Finn and Rae got up telling the gang they were going to get more drinks asking if anybody needed anything but everyone said they were fine. Finn led her out to the back door to go outside, Finn lit up a cigarette than looked nervously at Rae while he took a drag letting the smoke fill his lungs, letting it calm his nerves.

“ So what did ya want to talk about” Rae swallowed a lump in her throat nervously hoping he didn’t want to talk about what almost happened in his office, that really she’s tried to forget. She was so uncertain of where her life was going, of how long she was needed by her family that she really didn’t think it would be fair to Finn to start something more than friendship no matter how much her soul longed for him.

“Um I felt that you wanted to say something that day I helped find ya mum. I was wondering if ya wanted to talk about it now?” Finn took another drag of his cigarette blowing smoke away from Rae than biting his lower lip nervously hoping he wasn’t pushing her into talking if she didn’t want too.

“Oh its fine Finn it was nothing importuned I’m good” Finn knew she was lying to herself, he wasn’t buying her act. He finished his cigarette and flung it away.

“Really because I don’t think ya are” Finn leaned into Rae looking into her eyes with a piercing look almost willing her to open up. Rae leaned back some her heart was beating a million miles a minute at his closeness, the heady scent of Ckone and tobacco almost made her loose her senses.

“Finn I’m fine! If that’s all ya wanted to talk about than I think we should go back inside” Rae tried to turn away but Finn gently cupped her cheek with his hand that felt like it belong there to Rare, she turned her eyes to look at him.

“Actually I want to talk about what happened in my office that day, about that near kiss,” Finn said longingly. Rae could feel his breath on her check that sent familiar shivers down her spine. Rae's breathing hitched as she was scrambling to gain control of her emotions.

“It would have been a mistake Finn, my life it’s really not my own and…” Finn gently put his lips on Rae's kissing her softly as his thumb was gently stroking her check. Rae found herself kissing him back, Finn gently glides his tongue on her lower lip as Rae opens her mouth, there’s an electric charge that goes through them as there tongues caress around each other. Tears fall down Rae's face at finally feeling his lips that her soul has long for and needed. Finn breaks the kiss resting his forehead on Rae's as they catch there breath, both are trembling as they look into each others eyes. Finn gently wipes away Rae's tears.

“That didn’t feel like a mistake to me. Rae I…” Rae's phone started ringing causing her to get her phone as she recognized the ringtone.

“Its Aullra I got to take this Finn” Rae said practically breathless, she took a deep breath and answered it.

“Aullra, yes ok calm down sweetie ok get her blue and white blanket that can calm her down sometimes. I’m coming home to help, I’ll be there soon.” Rae hung up and looked at Finn with urgency .

“I’ve got to go mums had a freak out and Aullra needs help” Finn looking worried slid his hand to her shoulder in reassurance .

“ Do ya need a ride?” Finn asked with concern that Rae might be to upset to drive properly.

“ No Finn I’m good, I’m just gonna go say goodbye to the gang. Bye Finn” Rae turned and went back into the pup leaving Finn alone. Rae said a quick good bye to her friends as she made her way home.

******************************

Rae got home from the pup in record time, she could hear her mum upstairs yelling the word no. Rae went upstairs to her mums room to find Aullra distraught as her mum was in the corner of the room looking around frantic, her blue and white blanket on the floor. Rae went to Aullra, her sister instantly hugged Rae in relief at being home. Rae took charge immediately, she fond a way to calm her mum down and get her ready for bed. Rae had gone downstairs an hour in a half latter after Linda fell asleep. She went to the kitchen to find Aullra making tea and cleaning up a little, Aullra was quiet, her body looked tense as she moved about the room. Rae leaned on the doorway looking at her sister with worried eyes.

“Aullra, what happened?” Rae asked in a concerned voice. Her sister took a deep breath still very visibly shaken and looked at Rae with such a look that broke Rae’s heart.

“She was doing fine, in fact…she um, she um actually called me by my name, she said she was proud of me going to uni than I noticed she had wet herself and was trying to get her to the bathroom so I could clean her up but than that fog came back to her eyes. She started to say I was kidnapping her that she wasn’t going with me than she hit me. Rae I lost my patience and yelled at mum” Aullra said in a distraught tearful voice as sobs raked her body. Rae went to her sister and gave Aullra a hug holding her as she continued to sob in her arms as Rae’s heart broke for her sister.

“Shh Aullra its ok, its ok, mum gets into these paranoid moods from time to time and it can get pretty intense at times. I’m sure you didn’t mean to yell at mum, it’s ok,” Rae said in a reassuring calm manner as she stroked her sister’s hair to try to calm her. Aullra pulled back and out of Rae’s arms.

“ I would have known that if I had been here…Rae I've lied” Aullra was breathing shakily as she sniffed back tears that kept falling.

“ Lied about what?” Aullra looked down not wanting to see Rae’s reaction.

“There was no class over the summer and I didn’t have a lot of studying over spring break to do.” Aullra said with guilt in her voice. Rae looked at her sister with concern in her eyes, she felt Aullra had been holding back some and was even more worried about her sister.

“Why did ya lie? Where did you stay?” Rae said in a quiet calm voice. Rae felt she knew the answer or at least part of it but was more worried at where she may have stayed.

“I stayed with a friend I met at uni, her names Andrea she’s really nice um…” Aullra was starting to tear up as she was struggling not to cry. “ I um…um didn’t want to come home I-I wa-was afraid to see mum deteriorate more…t-to see dad just…to see that look in his eyes, that pain he had in them w-when mum hurt him. I couldn’t handle it, I feel so selfish, I should have been home helping instead of staying away. I’ve been so self centered, I’m so, so sorry” Aullra said tearfully. Rae couldn’t believe her sister felt that way.

“Oh Aullra my little strong one, you’re so far from self centered or selfish. Just the fact you feel that way shows me that. Dad has an appointment with Dr Evans Monday; she works with the whole family not just the caregiver who needs to talk. Maybe you should go with dad and work out ya feelings. I‘ll help ya look for a therapist for when ya go back to uni so ya have someone to talk to there” Rae said almost tearfully but managed a reassuring tone in her voice.

“I can do that; you don’t have to take care of me sis.” Aullra said gruffly. Aullra stepped out of the hold her sister had on her to look at her sister. Rae was taken aback by her sister’s sudden change in attitude.

“It’s my job; I have to look after you, after mum and now dad. This is my life now, taking care of mum, helping dad get better and I’m sorry if you don’t like it but it includes you too, helping you” Rae raised her voice in frustration.

“Rae its dad’s job to take care of mum, I know he got sick but you were there when he needed you to help him, that’s what you’re here for to help. I don’t know if you noticed but I have, that dads getting better. I’ve noticed a change in him compared to the beginning of this year, last year even. He told me the therapy is working for him. Why can’t ya see it.” Aullra raised her voice in her own frustration at her sister.

“Because Aullra you weren’t there to see dad at his worst, to see him hold a razor in his hand holding it to his wrist, with that look in his eyes struggling to stay or to…go. I know how easy it is to succumb to that emptiness Aullra even with therapy, he can still fall again. I did” Rae said practically in tears but refused to cry, she did not want to deal with this. She wished Aullra would just stop.

“Rae dads not you, he may not fall again. You both have a strength in ya to want to get better. Dad is trying. He’s also worried about ya Rae so is everybody else, when was the last time ya slept in ya own bed or Evan had a break from taking care of mum” Aullra softened her voice in empathy and concern.

“ I wish every one would stop worrying about me, I’m fine. To answer your question I haven’t slept in my own bed for months now and I got a break today at lily’s party ok ” Rae said through gritted teeth. Aullra was tired of this from her sister and knew she was building up walls again.

“ Oh give me a fucking break sis, I know what ya doing, your trying to be strong for every one, taking care of everyone but putting yourself last. Pushing away people that ask if ya coping ok by telling them ya fine, when I know your not and if you would be honest with yaself you’d admit it. I know you sis. I may not have been born when ya went through that awful time in ya teens but you told me enough stories to get the idea. You want to know what’s also frustrating is how you keep Finn at a distance pushing him away when he gets to close” Aullra looked at her sister silently daring her to deny it.

“Aullra I’m not pushing away anybody and Finn and I are just friends now” Rae was annoyed at her sister for bring up Finn she didn’t understand why she brought it up.

“Friends yeah right, I see the way Finn looks at ya, he looks at you like dad looks at mum. I see the way you look at him too sis you look at him like…m-mum use…use to look at dad. I‘m not the only one who sees it either, your friends see it, dad sees it and on some level I think mum sees it too” Aullra's voice cracked when she mentioned her mum.

“You know what sis my life is not my own right now, I have to take care of mum and dad…and you. It would not be fair to Finn to be more than just friends with him and it doesn’t matter we’ve both moved on. You know what sis I really don’t want to talk about this right now I’m tried” Rae made her way to walk out but Aullra grabbed her arm making Rae turn to look at her.

“Oh well to fucking bad sis we are gonna talk about this. First do not use me, mum or dad as an excuse to keep you from finding happiness, you’ve sacrificed so much of ya life for us already, mum wouldn’t want you to sacrifice every thing. In addition, you need to let Finn decide what’s fair for him, not you. Not every one gets to be with there first loves its rare but rarer still is to get a second chance to be with that first love.”

“Aullra I wish you would stop. If Finn and I were met to be together, we would have been by now but were not and If ya so worried about me sacrificing my life than ya should have been here to help me, not staying away and being a coward.” Rae said angrily but as soon as she realized what she said, she instantly regretted her words.

“Wow! Was that finally some honesty from ya sis, you know what I’m done. You can take my advise or not I really don’t care but I suggest you find some one to talk to, to figure out your own feelings and to tell Finn how you feel because he’s eventually going to stop waiting for you. You know what I suggest you go and sleep in ya own bed tonight in ya flat you haven’t been to in months. Goodnight sis.” Aullra said in a mix of hurt, anger and disgust as she turned to leave the kitchen.

“Aullra” Rae called after her sister; Aullra turned and held a hand up palm facing Rae.

“Save it sis, I don’t want to talk to you right now” Aullra left as Rae stared to let out trembling breaths than grabbed her keys, purse and left the house to go back to her flat. Rae walk into her flat, she dropped her keys on the floor throwing her purse on the settee as she went to her room to get a change of clothes. She went to the bathroom and turned on the shower, as she got ready to get in. That night her demons won out under the scalding hot water to drown out her sister words and her own than in her bed she fell into a fitful sleep.

******************************

The next day Aullra had visited a friend from collage that still lived in Stamford for the day; she still wasn’t speaking to Rae. Rae had come home to help karim with mum and hoped to talk to Aullra but her sister decided to sleep over at her friends, Aullra was still very much hurt by Rae’s words but frustrated more by Rae's instance of not being honest with herself. Aullra wasn’t sure she got through to her sister and stated to wonder if anybody could. Monday arrived Karim and Aullra had gone to see Dr. Evans in the morning while Rae took care of Linda, they got back close to noon, and the distance between the sisters was felt by Karim. He noticed his usually close daughters seem tense around each other. Aullra decided to leave that afternoon for uni, karim was sad about his daughter leaving so soon and that his family will be separate again. Aullra barely acknowledged Rae as she hugged her dad bye but was elated when her mum hugged her for a moment as if she knew her. The hug felt like it use to when Aullra was younger, a part of her wanted to stay in that embrace forever, fearing she would never feel that hug again. Aullra got in the taxi that she called earlier in the day seeing that she didn’t want Rae to drive her and the fact that karim had to go to work that night. The next few weeks, as autumn set in, Rae had gone back to the routine of taking care of her mum and continuing to look out for her dad but the pain of hurting her sister like she did weighed heavily on her. Rae called her sister several times but Aullra refused to talk to Rae. Karim was now the one Aullra talked to, she told him she found a good therapist at the uni and was working out her emotions on her mums illness, Karim was very proud of his daughter but continued to worry about his other. Rae continued into a downward spiral of her own, her backed burned from her demons winning out, she only felt the pain on her skin instead of the pain she felt in her soul. The weeks went by as October arrived; karim had some time off from work for a week. He decided Rae should take the time off from taking care of Linda and him as well.

“Rae” Karim came into the lounge to talk to his daughter a bit nervous knowing how his stubborn daughter could be.

“Yeah dad” Rae looked at Karim and smiled at him as he sat next to her on the settee.

“I want to talk to you” karim looked at Rae warmly.

“Ok what did ya want to talk about?” Karim look at Rae thoughtfully.

“I’m off work this week I was thinking you could go back to flat and be able to enjoy time off from here, from taking care of Linda.” Karim said gently to Rae. Rae was worried that it would still be too much for her dad if she weren’t here to help.

“I don’t know dad, are you sure you’re up to it, I mean you’ve only been in therapy for a few months and mum can…” Rae stated to ramble when karim put his hand on hers in comfort.

“Rae its ok, I feel stronger able to handle the pain. You should take time off, this is not your job, its mine but I will still need help from you. Therapy is working for me maybe you come too, with me” Karim said in a reassuring voice but hoped his daughter would consider going to therapy, Karim noticed Rae was struggling and pushing away people, knew she needed to talk.

“I’m fine dad, I guess I’ll go pack then but defiantly call me as soon as you need me and I’ll be over as fast as I can to help.” Rae said quietly but had a worried tone in her voice for her dad. Rae got up to go pack her things after finishing she made lunch for her dad and mum than left for her flat.

Rae returned to her flat carrying her bag of clothes and her toiletries, she put her clothes away in her wardrobe and toiletries back in the bathroom. She put on a record, it had been too quite in the flat for Rae’s likening, she sorted through her mail than called for some take away as she hadn’t anything in the refrigerator to make for dinner. She turned on the telly flipping through the channels but not really interested in anything on so she shut it off, the take away had been delivered and after paying for it, she took it to the kitchen. She got out a glass, putting water in it to drink with her meal than grabbed a knife and fork to eat her meal. she finished her meal and went to clean up, she was washing up the silverware and glass in the hot water not caring that her hands were burning from it when she felt a sharp pain on her fingertip, she pulled out her red looking hand from the water and noticed her fingertip was bleeding. She gingerly felt for the knife in the water taking it out when she found it putting it to the side of the kitchen sink, she looked back to her fingertip watching the blood bead on it as a old familiar need came back to Rae. The voices whispering in her head telling her to cut as her hand starts to move to the knife by the counter, her fingertips just touch the handle of it when louder voices breaks through the whispers. The voices of her mum and sister telling her to be strong that her family needs her and she has strength to want to get better makes her hand stop going for the knife.

“No, no, no….” Raes starts to breath shakily as she struggles with herself. “You are perfect…you are strong” Rae starts to sooth her self like a child just like Kester taught her all those years ago. Raes hand ghosted over the knife to her phone in her purse by the counter, she called the one person she wanted to talk to the most, finally admitting to herself that everyone was right she needed to talk to some one. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself as she herd the phone ring on the other side.

“Hello” Rae was relieved to hear his voice.

“ Hiya it’s me, um I was wondering if I could come over and talk if ya not busy that is” Rae bit her lip nervously.

“Yeah sure I’m not busy, I can talk” Rae smiled in relief.

“Great I’ll be there in twenty minuets or so”

“Ok I’ll be waiting than, bye Rae”

“Bye” Rae pressed end on her phone and than quickly addressed her fingertip that was still bleeding a little. After taking care of her finger she grabbed her keys and pure and made her way out the door.

******************************

Rae walked up to the door and knocked. She heard a bit of movement inside as she waited for the door to open. She wasn’t sure what she was going to say or where to start, she just knew she could not continue like this. The door finally opened, Rae smiled at the person standing in front of her.

“Hiya Finn” Finn smiled at Rae as he moved to the side so Rae could walk in, he closed the door when she was in the house.

“Alright Rae, may I take ya coat?” Rae started to take her coat off and looked at Finn.

“Yeah sure” Finn took her coat and put it in the cupboard under the stairs. They both started walking to the front room of his nice sized house. Rae notices a punching bag hanging from the ceiling as she walked in the front room.

“Um Finn why is there a punching bag in the front room?” Rae looked at Finn with a mix of confusion and curiosity as she walked near it. Finn went and stood next to her.

“Oh um well I converted a room for a home gym but I have an ensuite above it and there was leak and the ceiling needs to be fixed. So I put the punching bag out here temporally.” Finn was biting his lower lip nervously. Rae smiled at him as she nodded her head in under standing.

“Oh no I hope you don’t have to wait to long for it to get fixed” Rae looked at Finn sympathetically at his bad luck.

“Someone’s coming Thursday to fix it, you know before you called I was about to go a couple of rounds on it, I’ve had real shite day” Rae was starting to think this a hadn’t been a good idea to talk to Finn with her problems.

“Sorry I ruined ya plans do ya want me to go”

“Oh no, no you just made me day better” Finn smiled at Rae nervously as she blushed.

“Oh well I’m glad I made ya day better than” Finn loved when Rae blushed he thought she looked so cute.

“Well I’m glad ya came over, you know its fun giving the punching bag a go, it really helps get the aggression's out, you should give it a go” Finn raised his eyebrows as he tilted his head towards the bag giving her a crooked smile that rae always thought was adorable on him.

“Yeah Finn have ya forgotten what happened the last time I put on boxing gloves, I hit ya” Finn and Rae both lightly chuckled at the memory.

“Yeah I remember, my mouth defiantly remembers” Finn gave Rae a humorist smirk.

“I’m still sorry about that” Rae looked apologetically at Finn.

“It’s ok. It kinda turned me on a bit I have to admit.” Finn smirked with a blush on his face.

“Looks like I have to give you a new nickname, Finn the masochist” Finn snorted out a laugh as Rae giggled.

“I love your sense of humor girl. You really should give the punching bag a go though, I’ll just stand out of the way this time” Rae scoffed at Finn in mock annoyance as she glared at Finn than let out a chuckle.

“Ok fine but this utterly ridicules” Rae shook her head as she rolled her eyes. Finn helped her put on some gloves and gave her pointers on how to hold her wrist and to punch from the hip not the shoulder or she’ll have a sore arm in the morning.

“Ok so just pretend the bag is something that’s annoying ya or ya hate. Like say someone cut ya off or sommat” Finn stood out of the way, as Rae got ready to hit the punching bag in front of her. Rae looked at the bag thoughtfully than Finn saw a fire in her eyes just before she gave the bag a hard punch. Rae just looked at the moving bag with hate in her eyes as she was trembling, breathing in short shallow breaths.

“What was that punch for Rae?” Finn looked at Rae with a knowing look. Tears started forming in Rae's eyes.

“That was for…m-mums illness,” Rae said tearfully than gave the punching bag another hard hit. She continued to look at the bag with hate gritting her teeth as her breath continued tremble.

“What was that punch for?” Finn felt almost relieved to see Rae let go but hated the pain he could see beyond the hate in her eyes.

“That was…that was for… the doctor for giving mum that diagnoses … saying that word …Alzheimer’s” Rae cried out than gave the bag another hard punch.

“That was for… it making Aullra afraid to come home this year” Rae gave the bag anther tearful hard hit. Finn knew Rae needed to keep going to let all her feelings out.

“That was for my dad…for it making h-him almost take his life” Rae tearfully hit the bag hard repeatedly.

“That was for this illness that’s taking away mum from dad, my sister, me…taking way experience from mum, taking away seeing Aullra graduate from uni, seeing her or me get married, seeing grandchildren, growing old with dad.” Rae anguishly cried as she punch the bag once again with a loud cry.

“ARRRGH That’s for…that’s for, that row I had with my sister for those words I said to her” Rae hit the bag again. This time Rae collapsed onto her knees as anguished sobs racked her body. Finn was by her side in a heartbeat holding her as she sobbed.

“I MISS MY MUUUUUM…” Rae screamed out as the tears and pain she’s been holding back just poured out of her. “I’ve bee-been…been hurting myself Finn” Rae sobbed out the words she’s been to afraid to admit to. Finn had tears in his eyes, angry that Rae and her family had to go through this pain.

“Rae what have ya done” Finn asked gently as he was stoking Rae's hair rocking her as his Nan did when he was little. Fear in his heart for what Rae will say.

“I been burning myself with hot water…b-before I called you I was washing dishes in me flat and there was a knife in the water and it cut me. Finn that urge came back to cut myself, I almost did but I didn’t I stopped myself and I called you” Rae cried softer now as Finn continued to hold Rae tightly.

“I’m glad ya called me, I’ve always known you’re a strong person Rae and calling someone to reach out proved it,” Finn Whispered near her ear as tears continued to fall down Rae's face.

“I’ve been trying to be so strong for my family like my mum asked me to be but I’m so tried of it, tired of doing this alone. Sometimes I just want to run away and than I feel selfish for thinking it” Rae sniffed back tears as Finn continued rocking her in his warm embrace.

“Than stop being strong all the time it’s exhausting, sometimes you have to lean on someone when ya cant be. Ya not selfish for needing a break Rae, what ya doing is not easy. You’re also not alone you have the gang, ya da, sister…me. Be honest with yaself Rae,” Finn said reassuringly with an almost pleading tone to his voice.

“I’m not fine and I know I’ve been telling people that but the only person I’ve managed to convinced is myself. I need you Finn” Rae wiped away some of her tears as she looked at Finn.

“Rae ya always had me, ever since ya nicked my 20p you’ve had me,” Finn said softly to Rae looking at her with all the love he has for this woman in his arms as Rae smiled at him.

“Finn may I stay here tonight? I don’t want to go back to my empty flat…I don’t want to be alone,” Rae said pleadingly as new tears started to fall down her check.

“Yeah ya can stay as long at ya need, c’mon lets get ya cleaned up” Finn picked Rae up in his arms as her arm wrapped around his neck, leaning her head on his shoulder. Finn carried her up the stairs to his room laying her gently on his bed; he walked to his en-suite to get a washcloth running it under warm water than ringing it out. He returned to Rae, she had already taken off her jeans, socks and shoes and was lying down on her side. Finn smiles warmly at her as he gave her the washcloth to wipe her tear stained face.

“Ya know I could have walked up the stairs myself, ya didn’t have to carry me” Rae looked at Finn warmly giving him a small smile. Finn had taken his pants off and laid next to Rae on his side holding her to him than pulled the duvet over them. He propped his head on his hand looking lovingly at Rae as he gently pushed some hair behind her ear giving her a kiss on her temple.

“ Yeah I know but I wanted to” Rae looked at Finn as her sisters words came back to her tell him how you feel, her heart felt like it was beating a million beats per second as she swallowed a lump in her throat .

“Finn I…I still love you, I mean I’m still in love with you,” Rae whispered to Finn.

“Well that’s good to know because I’m still in love with ya to” Rae smiled than gave Finn a soft kiss on his lips. After there kiss they cuddled next to each other just happy to be in each others arms once again like this, soon Finn could hear the even breathing coming from Rae and knew she was asleep. Sleep soon over took Finn as he continued to hold Rae to his side.

******************************

The next morning Rae woke up and for a moment was confused as to where she was but than remembered the events of last night. She looked next to her to see a sleeping Finn, making her smile; he still had his arm around her. Rae gently removed his arm off her and got out of the bed than went to the bathroom to go pee, she came back to a smiling Finn.

“ I was wondering were ya went off too” Finn was sitting up in bed, he work up to find Rae gone and for a moment thought he dreamed it all but when he herd her in the bathroom and saw her clothes on the floor he knew last night had happened.

“Yeah nature called, um Finn I have to make a call to Kester to see if he’ll want to talk with me again even though he’s semi-retired, I’m not sure I could talk to Stacy at least not right now, if ever” Rae made a face saying she probably never would.

“Ok, um so what do ya want for breakfast?” Finn asked as he got of bed, he put on a pair of tracksuit bottoms than walked over to her giving her a kiss on the cheek.

“A fry up would be nice” Rae smiled back at Finn blushing than she looked and found her jeans and put them back on. Finn held out his hand to Rae, taking his hand Rae and Finn made their way out the bedroom door.

Once downstairs Finn made his way to the kitchen to cook breakfast while Rae found her purse to fish out her phone and called Kester. He had agreed to see Rae that afternoon and regularly after that but encouraged her to consider doing group therapy with karim and her sister, Rae had only promised to think about as she was still not comfortable with the fact Dr Evens was Stacy Stringfellow. Kester had understood her feelings and wouldn’t push her on it. Rae and Finn ate breakfast, Rae had told him that karim was off work and that was why she was at her flat the other day. Finn had told Rae if she wanted to, she could stay with him for the week. Rae had agreed, she really didn’t want to stay there alone or be alone right now. Rae and Finn went back to Rae's flat after breakfast to get some clothes and some toiletries for the week. That afternoon Finn drove Rae to see Kester at his small house he bought a few years back, he had been tried of living in a flat with thin walls. The talk with Kester had been grueling but cathartic for Rae as she was starting to deal with the heartache of this disease consuming her mum. Kester set up a schedule for Rae to come and see him but also told her to call him to if she needed to talk. Rae had said her goodbyes to Kester thanking him for seeing her again. Finn drove Rae back to his house, when they got to his house he told her she could unpack her stuff in his room or the guess room if she felt more comfortable doing that although he hoped she would want to be in his room. Rae told him she would just unpack her stuff in his room, Finn felt his heart do a back flip when she said it. Once Rae was settled she took a shower this time under warm water, Finn was finishing up a dinner of cottage pie when she walked into the kitchen wearing in an old band t-shirt and some boy shorts, Finn had to swallowed a lump in his through when he saw her he thought she looked absolutely breathtaking.

“I see ya took a shower” Finn could not help but have a worried tone in his voice with what Rae had said the night before. Rae hears the worry in his voice than turned around; she pulled down the back of her shirt to show him she did not burn herself. She turned back looking at him meaningfully.

“I didn’t burn myself if that’s what ya worried about Finn” Rae walked over to Finn by the kitchen counter than she leaned against it taking his hand looking at him reassuringly.

“I’m glad ya didn’t frankly it did scare me when ya told me you had started to hurt yaself again” Finn had a somber look on his face, he squeezed her hand as if making sure she was here and not a mirage.

“I’m sorry I scared ya but I’m getting help now. Kester help me admit I can’t be of any use to my family properly, if I can’t deal with the pain and fear of loosing my mum. That its ok to put myself first from time to time.” Rae said a bit tearfully as a couple of tears fell down her face, Finn wiped them away gently than gathered Rae in a hug. Rae put her arms around his waist as she buried her face into his chest as she cried. Finn just held her in his embrace as he kissed the top of her head than stroked her damp hair in comfort.

“It’s going to be ok Rae,” Finn whispered in her ear as Rae started to stop crying and sniff back the tears. Rae pulled away a bit so she could look at Finn.

“Thank you Finn” Rae looked at Finn with gratitude.

“For what?”

“For being here when I needed ya the most” Rae slid her hand up to cup Finns face, her thumb caressing his cheek, which sent a warmth straight to his heart. She places a soft kiss on his lips than rested her forehead on his.

“I’ll always be here for ya no matter what. So are ya hungry girl?” Rae nodded her head yes than looked to see food, beer and place settings were already on the table. They waked over to the table hand in hand.

“Ah I see you’ve made ya Nan's cottage pie my favorite” Rae looked at Finn lovingly; Finn took his hand out of Rae's and pulled out a chair for her.

“Why thank you kind sir” Rae said in fake posh tone in her voice than giggled as she sat down on the chair.

“Your welcome me lady” Finn said in a fake posh voice back, as he sat down across from Rae. They both served up the cottage pie on there plates.

“Lets tuck in” they both ate there food as they talked about the radio station, Finn at one point started to play footsie with Rae making her giggle, Finn had enjoyed making Rae laugh seeing that she hasn’t had anything to laugh about here lately. Finn had surprised Rae with desert of apple pie, another one of his Nan's recipes, that he made the day before. After dinner Rae and Finn cleaned the dishes together, Finn at one point flung some soap suds at her making her fling some back at him soon it turned into a soap suds war with both calling a truce as they started getting wet. Rae had changed her wet t-shirt for a dry one while Finn had taken a shower. Rae was down stirs in the front room putting a DVD in the player waiting for Finn to come back to watch with her. Finn came down stairs in a plain black t-shirt and gray pj bottoms, Rae let out a sigh at the sight of him as her heart started to pound a bit faster. Finn and Rae sat down on the settee; Finn had put his arm around Rae as she cuddled up against him, she brought her legs up on the settee bringing them closer to her.

“That was a good meal Finn thank you for making it,” Rae said appreciatively as she started the film. Finn looked down at her with a warm look on his face.

“I should be thanking you; you gave me a good excuse to cook. Of course I made the apple pie yesterday because I was missing me Nan, she always loved making apple pies around this time of the year. I normally do take away or make something a bit simpler for meals” Finn kissed the top of Rae's head as she cuddled closer to him.

“ Well I‘m glad I gave ya a reason than” Rae looked up at Finn with a warm smile on her face. After the film they decided to go to bed with Rae walking up the stairs this time.

They climbed into the bed cuddling next to each other. Finn lazily traces shapes on Rae's forearm as it rests on his chest, Rae places a light kiss on his collarbone peppering kisses up to the pulse point of his neck. Finn closes his eyes in pleasure as a warmth spreads through his body from her lips on his skin. He moves his hand slowly up Rae's arm, his fingertips graze her shoulder causing Rae to let out a sigh, his hand glides up her neck to caress the side of her face as his thumb gently slides along her lower lip. Finn tenderly looks at Rae, both lost in each others gazes . Finn kissed Rae’s lips softly as she starts kissing him back; there lips glide tenderly, softly, molding perfectly together. Their kiss turns passionate as the longing in their hearts turn into a need for each other. They slowly peel away their layers of clothing as a fire builds between them to their very souls. Hands glide over soft supple skin and hard taut muscle as fingertips leave trails of fire on skin. Lips move languidly over tremblingly bodies as tongues lick and swirl over sensitive skin. Two bodies join together molding into one being, one heart, one soul as the feel of home surrounds them. Mouths come together in loves tender ancient kiss as hands, designed to intertwine perfectly, seek one another to hold. They move in loves timeless dance, their hearts beat in a primal rhythm. They ascend to the stars and heavens floating through space, their souls cry out as they come undone floating gently back to earth. Words of I love you escape their lips as they hold each other lost in the love and warmth of their embrace. Soon they succumb to sleeps sweet dreams.

******************************

The next day Rae and Finn made love again in the morning before they got ready for the day, Rae had to Watch her mum while karim went to his session with Dr. Evans. Finn had to go into the radio station to do paper work but decided to take some time to go with Rae when she went home to look after her mum. He didn’t want her to be alone, Rae was grateful that Finn came with. Karim was relieved when Rae told him she was seeing Kester again and that mums Alzheimer’s had affected her too, father and daughter had cried in each others arms as Rae opened up to him about her fears of him relapsing into his depression again and how she’s been really coping as Karim’s heart nearly broke with what Rae told him. Karim and Rae promised to tell the other when they feel like their struggling and worked out a better balanced schedule to tacking care of Linda so it wouldn’t be so one sided for one or the other. Karim, much to his delight, was glad to see his daughter and Finn back together, happy to see love reblossom. Finn had kept Linda company while the two talked, she was having a good day and took a shine to Finn telling him he was a nice young man. After her dad left for his appointment Rae and Finn made lunch for Linda and them, the three of them sat down on the settee deciding on and old episode of Absolutely Fabulous. Linda had kept saying how much she loved this show after every commercial break like it was the start of it, forgetting that it wasn’t, a tear slid down Rae's cheek seeing her mum slipping more into her illness. Finn put his hand on Rae's squeezing it, she turns to Finn with a grateful look in her eyes as he lovingly wipes her tear away. When karim came back from his therapy session Finn had to go back to his office but would came back for dinner. Karim and Rae had talked some more coming to the decision that Rae didn’t have to stay with Linda and him, as much as Karim appreciated having his daughter home and everything she’s done, he knew Rae needed to have her life too.

That night while lying in Finns bed after a wonderful visit with her dad, Rae and Finn got to talking about her coming back to work now that Rae and karim had worked out a more balanced schedule for them to care for Linda. Rae was looking forward to going back to work she had really missed it so she asked Finn if the next day would be too soon, he said he would have a brew waiting for her. They made love once again that night, the next day just as promised Finn had a brew waiting for her only this time it was waiting for her in his kitchen. Rae had done her show with greetings of welcome back form her coworkers and listeners that warmed Rae's heart with happiness to be back. The weeks went by and even though the two never talked about it Rae had started to slowly move into his house. It started with Finn making room for her clothes in a dresser drawer and wardrobe than he noticed some of Rae’s things starting to be left behind after she stayed the night, which was becoming more frequent. Finn had to be honest he didn’t mind, he even started to bring things from her flat to his, saying she should have this and that to make herself more comfortable at his house, he even found Rae's box of things she kept from their relationship that led to some pretty steamy sex. One day in November Rae had just finished her radio show and had gone to Finn's office to spend some time with him, Karim was working that night so Rae had to stay over at her parents house to look after Linda.

“Hiya babe” Rae walked into Finns office to his desk. Finn got up and walked around his desk to greet her with a warm kiss.

“ Alright girl, that was a good show ya had and playing an Arctic Monkeys song was different for ya, didn’t think ya liked them much” Finn looked at Rae with a mix of surprise and admiration on his face.

“I think there ok, there not oasis but…ah fuck me sister was right” Rae rolled her eyes shaking her head at her self as that conversion she had with her sister came back to her.

“Right about what?”

“ That I am a nineties music snob…” Rae chuckled but her expression turned tearful “I was thinking of Aullra when I played it she likes them…she’s still not talking to me” Rae was in Finns arms before she knew it as she cried softly into his chest.

“Maybe she just needs more time girl” Finn whispered in her ear. Rae sniffed back tears as she tearfully chuckles.

“That’s what Kester says…dads been trying to help by talking to her telling her I‘m in therapy. All she says according to dad is that’s good…” Rae took a shaky deep breath as she wiped away the tears on her face. “She’s coming home for Christmas holiday and for our joint birthday party hopefully she’ll talk to me than.” Finn squeezed Rae in another hug before letting go. Both of them sat down next to each other and started talking about doing live shows from some music festivals coming up in the next year. They talked about the logistics of doing the shows and about some of the bands they were exited to see. Rae seeing the time got up and started to gather her purse and coat.

“Well Finn I’ve got to go, dad needs to be at work in an hour and a half and I got to get a couple of thins from the house so I’ll see ya at home tomorrow…” Rae’s eyes bugged out at the realization of what she said. She was so embarrassed, they hadn’t yet talked about there living arrangement. “I mean your place um I got to go” Rae said nervously as she tried to make her way out but was stopped by Finn.

“Rae I think we should just admit it, it’s our home…you’ve been moving in for the last few weeks and lets face it I been helping to” Finn chuckles as Rae had a bashful smile on her face.

“Yeah I guess we’ve been doing that…I guess we should have talked about it first sorry” Rae looked at Finn apologetically.

“Don’t be, Rae it was just a house, it became a home when ya set foot in it. So lets just make it official move the rest of ya stuff in” Finn took Rae's hand in his, his thumb caressed the top of it as he smirks at her.

“Well I guess I better start packing than, I love you” Rae squeezed Finns hand as she looked at him with all the love she had in her eyes.

“I love ya too Rae” Finn couldn’t help but smiled dopey at her, she had permanently etched a place on his heart a long time ago and was grateful for this second chance to be with the girl that felt like home to him.

“Guess I better go” Rae kissed him on the cheek and started to make her way out but than closed his door locking it and turned around with a mischievous smirk on her face, she made her way back to Finn.

“What ya doing girl?” Finn swallowed liking his lips, his heart stated to do back flips in his chest as Rae's lips were mere inches from his. Rae slid her hand down to his crotch feeling his very evident hard on.

“Well seeing as I’m not going to be sleeping next to ya tonight, I figured I’d have my wicked way with ya now” Rae lips met his in a searing kiss full of passion as Finn wrapped his arms around her waist bringing her closer. Rae started a trail of wet kisses to Finns neck working her way down to his collarbone, pushing his shirt out of the way to kiss and nibble more of his salty skin. Finns eyes rolled back in pleasure at the feel of Rae’s lips on his skin as he let out a low groan.

“Ahhh…Rae you can have ya wicked why with me anytime ya want” Finns voice cracked. He took his arm and swiped it over his desk as the few items on the top crashed down to the floor. He than took a surprised and very aroused Rae in his arms kissing her hotly as he lifted her in his arms putting her on top of his desk. Twenty minutes later, they’re lying on the floor in a sweaty heap of tangled limbs as they try and slow their heavy breathing. They look at each other smiling as there hands seek the warmth of the other to hold.

“ Wow um we defiantly need to do that more often, talk about the perks of working with ya girlfriend…” Finn let out a chuckled as Rae blushed. “I love ya girl” Finn said softly but with such a warmth in his voice that it touched Rae's soul.

“ I love you too…” Rae said softly as she kissed Finn gently. “ well I really do need to go now or I’m going to be late” Rae and Finn both reluctantly got up and started to get dressed. Rae had asked if Finn could stop at the house to get a couple of things for her seeing that she was delayed a bit, Finn had told her he would be by after work to drop off her things. The next week Rae had officially moved into Finns, chop was sad to lose a wonderful tenant but was very happy his two friends were together again as was the rest of the gang when Rae and Finn told them the news over the next few days.

On Rae's thirty-fifth birthday Finn had surprised her with a little weekend trip to London and to visit Archie and George. It had worked out well for Archie and George as they were going to be away for the Christmas holidays in Italy to go to a wedding of one of Georges relatives and would miss Rae and Aullra's birthday party. The four of them on Saturday had gone out to dinner and a pup afterwards to talk about what had been going on in there lives since they last met. On Sunday finn has taken Rae to some Record shops for her birthday, Rae had such a light in her eyes when she walked in the first shop that finn knew he did well for her birthday. Sometime between going from one shop to another they walked past a small art gallery that was open and an oil panting had caught Rae’s eyes. She had gotten lost in the picture of the beautiful curvy woman in the painting that almost looked like her, she didn’t know she had shed a tear until Finn had gently wiped it away, he smiled warmly at her as he whispered in her ear “see ya are an oil panting”. Rae had come along way in loving herself but there was still a little doubt in the back of her mind, in this moment she probably couldn’t explain it if she tried but she felt that doubt slip away. She finally saw in herself how people who knew and loved her saw her, as a beautiful person from the inside and out. It had been one of the best birthdays Rae has ever had.

******************************

“Rae are ya almost ready? We need to get to the pup by six were cutting it close” Finn called upstairs, they were getting ready for Rae and her sisters birthday party.

“Yeah I’m almost done just got one more thing to do, I’ll be down in a second” Rae yelled down the stairs. Rae had just finished putting her earrings in her ears and was just brushing trough her hair. Rae had walked out than looked down the stairs at the man with warm honey brown eyes looking back at her almost slaked jaw. Finn felt like he couldn’t breath that Rae took it away, she was a vision in a red three quarter sleeve wrap dress with the hem just grazing the top of her knees it fit her perfectly. She wore black leggings and red heals, Finn felt mesmerized by the almost glow of her raven hair as the light shined on it, the beauty of her warm smile and the sparkle of her hazel eyes.

“Rae you l-look so lovely tonight” Finn said practically breathless as he nervously smiled at her much like he did when he was seventeen. Rae smiled shyly at him with a blush on her cheeks that made Finns heart beet a little faster.

“Thank you” Rae kissed Finns cheek that sent shivers down his spine.

“ Ya know we could just skip the party and go upstairs to bed” Finn said suggestively looking at her with lust in eyes, Rae's heart was beating so fast she was surprised it didn’t beet a hole out of her chest.

“Finn…” Rae giggled as she shook her head. “We can’t, I still need talk to my sister remember. So to be continued yeah” Rae said softly.

“Defiantly to be continued girl…” Finn whispered in her ear as his warm breath tingled on her skin making Rae swallow thickly. “Well I guess we better head out then” Finn took Rae's hand as they walked to the cupboard under the stairs and got their coats. Soon they were on their way to the swan.

They arrived at the swan exactly at six; Finn opened the door for Rae and him as they walked in. Rae saw all of her friends and family as she scanned the room but the one she was looking for was Aullra. She spotted her in the corner talking to a tall curvy gingered haired girl she never met before and Rae figured it was one of Aullra's friends from uni. Rae was nervous; she wiped her palms on the sides of her dress as she took deep breaths. Aullra turned and saw Rae, The sisters look at each other than start walking to towards each other slowly as the guests felt the tension in the room thick enough you cold cut it with a knife. The sisters look at each other nervously as they meet almost in the center of the room.

“Hi” Aullra said quietly

“Hi” Rae said back as her eyes glistened with the start of tears blinking them back quickly.

“Lets go and talk yeah” Aullra nodded her head to the back of the pup.

“Yeah I’d like that” Rae relived and scared at the same time as they made there way to the back and into the women loo. The entered and Aullra looked the door so they couldn’t be interrupted. They stood in front of each other as both of there eyes glistened with tears of pain and regret.

“Aullra I’m so, so, so, sorry I didn’t mean what I said I regretted my words the moment they escaped me lips” Rae said tearfully as her tears slipped down her face, Aullra crying herself embraced Rae in a tight hug as much as Aullra was hurt by her sisters words she missed her sister just as much.

“I know you didn’t mean it…it still hurt though but I’ve already forgiven ya.” Aullra pulled back from their hug and looked at Rae reassuringly as a watery smile appeared on her face. Rae let out a relived sigh as more tears fell down her face.

“I was beginning to think you hated me, I’ve defiantly hated myself” Rae’s voice cracked a little, as the guilt in her voice could be herd.

“Rae I don’t hate ya I just needed time to get to a better place in me head and please stop hating yaself. We all say things we don’t mean when we’re angry. We can’t fight like this not now when this family in being torn apart by this illness” Aullra said tearfully as she wiped way her tears. Both sisters hugged each other tightly.

“I know I’ve hated this, not talking. I’ve missed you and I’m trying not to hate myself I’m working that out in therapy as well as everything else” Rae whispered in her sister’s ear as she sniffs back more tears, Aullra doing the same.

“ That’s good that your going to therapy. I’ve missed you to Rae I love you” Aullra said in Rae's ear before giving Rae another squeeze and pulled out of there hug.

“We should get back, they probably think we killed each other in here” Rae said in a watery chuckle making her sister snort out a laugh.

“I swear Rae only you can make me snort, oh god look at us were a mess” Aullra huffed out a laugh as she and Rae saw their faces in the mirror. Their eyes were blotchy as eyeliner was running down there face.

“Guess we should of worn waterproof eyeliner” both sister burst out laughing, outside the door the laughter could be heard by the gang and karim bringing smiles to their faces. The sisters were cleaning their faces up and reapplying their liner.

“So you and Finn are back together I see” Aullra said smugly. Rae rolled her eyes as she huffed, a smile on her face.

“Yeah don’t look so smug, you were right we were still in love with each other, happy sis” Rae said in mock annoyance.

“Wait say that again, I was what?” Aullra smirked looking like the cat that got the cream.

“You herd now let’s go back to the party.” Rae smiled as both girls left the loo arm in arm.

Chop was the first one to wish them a happy birthday and soon the rest of the guests followed with their own well wished for their birthday. The sisters had a great time with there family and friends for a time they almost forgot what was going on in their family. The party started to die down, Chop and Sahra’s daughter lily was asleep in a booth with Danny and Becky’s three kids. Most of Aullra's friends had said their goodbyes, the gang stayed behind to help clean up a little. Aullra had walked up to Rae arm in arm with the girl she had been talking to all night and tapped Rae on the shoulder.

“Rae this is Andrea the friend I told you about” Aullra said nervously. Rae looks at Andrea and smiled warmly at her

“Hi nice to meet you Andrea” Rae said warmly to her.

“You too, Aullra has told me a lot about ya” Rae could tell Andrea was nervous.

“I want to thank you for being there for my sister when she needed someone” Rae looked at her sister’s friend gratefully.

“Oh it was nothing I’d do anything for her” Andrea said happily but with a hint of longing in her voice that Rae picked up in her voice than noticed the blushes on there faces as they bashfully looked at each other. Rae also noticed that they were holding hands, Rae had had her suspicions about who her sister fancied but after learning her lesson with Archie, she didn’t say anything about it. Rae felt that if her sister were going to tell her something one way or the other she would do it in her own time.

“Girls I wanted to wish you happy birthday, I’m taking Linda home she is tired” Karim hugged his daughters smiling happily at them. Linda looked at the both of them with that blank smile on her face and glazed look her eyes.

“You two head me of my um…um little people girls” Linda said struggling with finding her words. Rae instantly seeks out Aullra's hand as her sister letting go of Andrea's grabbed hold of Rae's. Both Rae and Aullra felt the pain in there hearts and could see the pain in there dads eyes. The gang, Finn and Andrea all had sympathetic looks on their faces as they looked at the family that was changing.

“Its time to go home Linda, happy birthday again girls” karim said calmly you could here the sorrow in his voice. Linda looked up again at the girls.

“Oh I didn’t know it was your birthdays, happy birthday…” Linda turned to look at karim and smiled at him. “I like you, you seem ice” karim just smiled at his wife as he led her out of the pup and home. Rae and Aullra looked at each other as the tears came back to their eyes again, they both hugged each other as they started to sob in each others arms. Finn came up behind Rae putting his arms around both sisters than Andrea did the same as one by one the rest of the gang surrounded the sisters in one group hug pouring out all the love and support they had in there embraces.

******************************

After the emotional end to their birthday party Aullra had left with Andrea after saying goodbye to every one while Rae and Finn visited the gang for awhile longer. Finn held Rae that night as she broke down again. The rest of the holidays went well, Rae and Finn had decided to have a small non denominational, out of respect for Karim and his religions beliefs, celebration at their house on Christmas eve with their friends and family. Rae wished Chloe and Izzy could have come but Chloe was meeting Rick’s parents for the first time and Izzy was spending it with her parents in Italy. The party had gone well but after dinner Karim took Linda home when she was starting to get agitated being surrounded by so many people. The next day Rae spent Christmas with Finn and his dad, Gary. Rae had watched father and son and seen the closeness between the two. It reminded her of the closer relationship with her own mum that she was just starting to have until her illness took that opportunity away. Rae and Finn spent Boxing Day with Karim, Linda, Aullra and Andrea. The day had been a good one for Linda, Rae and Karim started to notice that she didn’t do well with to many people around and decided to keep Linda from going to big events. Karim had noticed how close Aullra was with Andrea and felt it was more than friendship they felt for each other. Much like Rae he had his own suspicions about his daughter but would wait until Aullra was ready to tell him what he already knew. Rae and Finn were heading to the swan for New Years Eve to meet the gang who all came back to town to celebrate it. Finn had made a stop at the park and led Rae to a bridge, the park was covered in snow and there was ice on the trees with white fairy lights on them. It looked like a magical winter wonderland to Rae.

“Ok Finn so why are we here? It’s cold I swear I‘m freezing me tits off” Rae asked shivering from the cold as she tried to figure out why he brought her to this bridge.

“I promise I wont be to long, so do you ya recognize the bridge girl?” Finn raised his eyebrows up with a smile on his face hoping she would remember.

“Um yeah this is the bridge you apologized to me on, about being a dick to me when we first met, why?” Rae was very confused and very cold wishing Finn would tell her why they were there. She really wanted to go to the swan and get warm.

“Yeah it was the day I wanted to start over with ya. Be friends. But after I hugged ya I realized I wanted ya in my life as more than just a friend, I realized I fancied ya, I wanted ya to be my girlfriend.” Finn said a bit nervously as he bit his lower lip letting it slide out between his teeth than smiled at Rae.

“Ok well I’m already ya girlfriend again, so what’s with the trip down memory lane?” Rae again asked confused.

“Because I want ya in my life as more than just my girlfriend, Rae when I’m with ya I feel like I’m home and know I’ll always feel like that, with ya by my side. You’re the music in my soul and honestly I can’t imagine my life with out you in it, I love you…” Finn than pulled out a small black box and got on one knee opening the box. “Rae will ya marry me if you’ll have me that is” Finn said nervously as his heart pounded in his chest like that of a humming bird. Rae's mouth was agape as a tear fell down her face than she fell to her knees and crashed her lips on his kissing him passionately pouring all of her love into the kiss. They kissed for what seemed like an eternity to Finn but to him even that would never be enough time savor her lips on his. Rae breaks the kiss leaning her forehead on his as she smiles at him.

“I-I take it that’s a y-yes than” Finn stammered as he was caching his breath.

“Yeah, fuck yeah, a thousand fucks yeah! Yes I’ll marry you, you dickhead” Rae tearfully smiled at Finn.

“I love ya, soon to be Mrs. dickhead” Finn smirked than he laced his fingers in her hair caressing the back of her head as his arm pulled her close to him kissing her once more. They got up a few minutes latter when Finn's trousers and Rae's leggings were getting wet from the snow, Finn placed a simple white gold princess cut clear diamond ring on her finger that was his Nan's. They got to the swan ten minutes latter, the gang congratulated them on there engagement. Rae and Finn were holding each other counting down the time; they kissed at the first stroke of midnight. It was a new year, Rae knew she would see new challenges for her family but this time they were stronger than last year and felt they were going to get through this together.

 


	4. Fading Away part four

“Where’s dad?” Aullra asked Rae who sat by herself rubbing her back.

“Oh he went to the loo. Want to sit?” Rae gestured to a seat next to her, giving her sister as small thin smile as she sat down next to her.

“So have a good chat with your friends?” Rae turned in her seat to look at her sister better and started to rub her belly.

“Yeah they just left, Drea and I are about to go, we need to get the last of her things out of storage to move into our flat” Aullra looked over to Andrea warmly as she walked towards them.

“Hiya” Andrea kissed Aullra on the cheek than sat down taking Aullras hand in hers and pushed some of her long red hair behind her ear giving her a bright smile.

“Almost ready to go?”

“Yeah but I can go and talk to ya dad if you want to talk to your sister more, hi Rae” Andrea said to Rae with a sympathetic smile on her face, leaning in closer to Aullra stroking her fingers with her thumb.  

“Hi Andrea” Rae smiled at her than adjusted herself on the chair trying get comfortable but that was a feat in and of itself these days.

“Sure that would be fine Drea” Aullra squeezed Andrea’s hand before letting go as she got up than turned to Rae.

“Take care Rae again I’m sorry for your loss” Andrea bent down hugging Rae warmly.

“Thank you I’m looking forward to seeing you and Aullra Saturday for dinner” Rae smiled than sifted in her seat again in a vain attempt to get comfortable.

“So am I, bye Rae. See you in a bit love” Andrea smiled at the both of them mouthing “I love you” to Aullra who mouthed the same sentiment back before walking over to Karim. Aullra looked at her sister than at her hand rubbing her back again.

“So how ya doing?” Aullra nodded her head to her sisters belly.

“As well as I can be for being eight months along…” Rae grumbled pushing at her stomach trying to get the baby to move in another hopefully more comfortable position. “Um I’m coming to the therapy session tomorrow with you and dad” Rae bit her lower lip looking at Aullra.

“Oh Rae I’m so glad your coming with us. I mean I know you and Dr. Evans have history but it would be good for you, Kester would be proud” Aullra took her sisters hand giving it a reassuring squeeze and a relived smile.

“Yeah” Rae whispered with a far away look on her face as tears started to fall down her face. Aullra put her arms around her sister giving her a supportive hug.

“Oh” Aullra pulled back some from the hug and put her hand on her sister’s belly.

“Baby’s been kicking a lot today” Rae said in a watery laugh as she sniffed back tears.

“Still can’t believe you didn’t want to find out the sex of the little wee one in there”

“Finn and I wanted it to be a surprise”  

“Well I would want to know. Oh I can’t wait to spoil this little one and the best part is I can give it back to you after” Aullra giggled as Rae rolled her eyes at her sister.

“Oh fuck off sis” Rae smiled at Aullra as she stuck her tongue out at Rae.

“Oh you love me…” Aullra smirked than took a breath and looked at Rae seriously. “ Ya know I said you sacrificed a lot for us but I’m glad you didn’t sacrificed every thing.” Aullra moved her hand off Raes belly and took hold of her sisters left hand looking at her wedding ring.

“I told ya I didn’t feel like I did but looking back I started to. It took some good advise, ok a fight really from someone I know to make me see that, although it took a while for it to sink in” Rae huffed out a laugh looking at her sister as she rubbed her back again.

“Well I’m glad you listened to your wise little sister.” Aullra said in an air of mock smugness as Rae shook   her head at her sister huffing out a laugh.

“I wouldn’t go that far” Rae rolled her eyes playfully at her sister.

“Oh you know I’m brilliant” Aullra said in a mock dramatic fashion that caused both sisters to giggle.

“I’m just happy we made up in the end ” Aullra said seriously looking at Rae as a tear fell down her face still hating that time they didn’t speak to each other.  

“Yeah me too” Rae quietly said wiping away her sisters tear. Rae was back to rubbing he back and adjusting in her seat.

“Well I’m gonna say goodbye to dad and go, Drea and I will see you Saturday. I love you Rae” Aullra gave her sister another hug.

“Love you too my little strong one” Aullra stood up and walked over to karim while Rae got up and walked over to the gang and her husband.

“The baby been active today?” Finn asked chewing on a piece of nicotine gum as Rae sat down next to him placing her head on his shoulder, Finn started to rub her back gaining a grateful sigh from Rae.  

“Oh that feels good, yeah! I feel like I’m carrying a watermelon that’s grown legs and keeps kicking me” Rae rolled her eyes shacking her head while rubbing her stomach in a vain hope to move the baby a bit.  Finn huffed out a small laugh than gave Rae a warm smile he only reserves for her.

“You say the strangest things sometimes Rea” Finn said quietly but with love in his voice.

“And yet you marred me anyways” Rae scrunched up her nose at him than smiled the first genuinely happy smile in days.

“That I did Mrs. Nelson and I‘d do it all over again” Finn leaned over giving her a kiss on the cheek than moved his mouth closer to her ear.

“ I love you” Finn whispered in her ear.

“ I love you too, Mr. Nelson” Rae said while looking at Finn than adjusted herself on the chair. Rae looked around the table for the first time and saw that the gang wasn’t there.

“ Where is every one at?”

“Oh Sahra took Lily upstairs to change her clothes and Izzy and Chloe went with her. The guys are helping pick up a bit but they’ll be back to say goodbye.

“Oh!… um I’ve decided to go to therapy tomorrow”

“That’s great Rae” Finn said with a sound of relief in his voice.

“I know I’ve been putting it off but I’m going to listen to Kesters advice and give Stacey…Dr Evans a chance. Its just gonna be weird”

“Maybe but the last few months have been rough for ya this will be a good thing” Finn took her left hand in his and squeezed it reassuringly.

“I’m just grateful you’ve been there for me, that we been there for each other.” Rae kissed Finn on the cheek than leaned her head back on his shoulder.

“Well in good times and in bad right” Finn leaned his head a bit to look at Rae as he smiled lovingly at her than put his hand on her belly rubbing it, he kissed the top of her head and felt the baby’s kick.

“I think the baby is gonna take after its daddy and be a football player with all the kicking its been doin’” Rae let out a sigh looking at the awe in Finn’s eyes who was still amazed at every movement he saw, every kick that he felt when he put his hand on Rae’s belly. Still astounded at the life their love created.

“Hay little one, why don’t ya take a little nap, give your poor mummy a break in there” Finn whispered to Rae’s belly, rubbing her back again. Rae smiled at her husband than her face fell as her eyes glazed with tears threatening to fall.

“Wishing your mum could have hung on a little longer to see the baby aren’t ya” Finn looked at his wife with knowing sadness in his eyes as he took hold of her left hand again, gently rubbing his thumb over the top of her knuckles.

“I know it’s daft, that she wouldn’t have been aware but…” Rae’s voice cracked as a tear fell down her face.

“It’s the idea of her physically being there right!” Finn put his right arm around Rae holding her to him.

“Yeah, I could let myself believe that maybe a small part of her would know what was going on, I know its silly” Rae sniffed back her tears as Finn wiped away the ones that fell.

“No it’s not Rae” Finn kissed Rae’s temple before she leaned her head on his shoulder once again.

“I’m still so angry mum won’t see her first grandchild its just so fucking unfair” Rae whispered  as fresh tears pooled in her eyes that she wiped away. Finn held her tighter felling the same.  

“Babes you ok?” Chloe asked with concern as she sat next to Rae .

“Yeah just wishing for impossible things” Rae gave a watery smile to her friend. Chloe nodded understanding what she meant.

“Well Rick and I have to go babes, got to catch a flight back to Paris, he’s got work tomorrow. Just remember I’m just a phone call away, love ya” Chloe smiled warmly at her best mate trying to hold back her tears.

“I love ya too Chlo, thank you so much for coming.” Both women hugged each other than Chloe got up and after saying her goodbyes to Finn she made her way to say goodbye to Karim. Rick after saying his own goodbyes left with Chloe.  

“Hey guys me and George are heading out” Archie said as Finn got up to hug his best mate.

“Thanks for coming mate, the four of us need to hang out sometime before the baby comes” Rae got up and hugged Archie next as George shook Finn’s hand.

“Yeah Arch, me and Finn don’t see you and George enough” Rae smiled warmly at the couple than George gave Rae a hug.

“How about in a couple of weeks George has some time off from work” Archie looked at his husband to see if he had any objections.

“It would be lovely to have you guys visit or would it be better for us to visit you two here?” George said gesturing at Raes belly.

“I should be ok for travel for a bit longer although I might be a bit grumpy due to my womb hotel guest” Rae pointed at her stomach as the others chuckled.

“I guess that’s settled than we’ll see the both of you in a couple of weeks here than” Archie put on his coat and drank the last of his water not looking forward to the long drive ahead of him. “Goodbye you two”

‘Yeah bye mate, George”  Finn said as him and Rae waved to them as they walked to the door after saying their last goodbyes.

“Hey guys” Izzy said walking up next to Rae and Finn with a slight frown on her face.

“I’m guessing you’re saying jo too” Rae said sadly as Izzy gave her a hug than one to Finn.

“Yeah I have a photo shoot in a couple of days for a magazine. I’ll be back close to your due date so I’ll be around to see the baby and take some photos of the little one”

“Oh Iz that would be wonderful thank you” Rae teared up at Izzys kind offer.

“Oh I’m happy to do it and I really can’t wait see the little one” Rae put Izzy’s hand on her belly as the baby started to kick.

“Looks like the little one can’t wait to get its picture taken. Ah see another kick at the word picture” Rae and Izzy giggled as the baby moved.

“Well bye you two”

“Bye Izzy” Finn and Rae said in unison as Izzy waved bye and left the pub. Chop and Sahra holding lily in her arms were next to say their goodbyes.

“Bye Aunt Raemundo” Lilly said with a smile on her angelic face as Rae playfully glared at Chop who shrugged trying to look all innocent but the devils grin on his face made it hard to believe.

“Now you listen here missy, that’s Aunt Rae too you,” Rae playfully said while she tickled Lilly causing her to giggle in Sahra’s arms.

“Ok, ok Aunt Rae. I love you” Lilly said in her small soft voice as she reached out to hug Rae.

“Oh I love you too sweetie” Rae gave Lilly a hug a little awkwardly as she was still in Sahra’s arms.

“Bye Rae” Sahra gave her a hug as Chop said his goodbye to Finn.

“Bye Raemundo” Chop gave Rae a hug as well.

“Bye guys thanks for coming” Rae and Finn watched them leave than Karim walked over to them.  

“Hi dad”

“Hi, I’m going home to start dinner for us so I see you latter” Karim smiled at his daughter and son-in-law, you could see his eyes were bright with unshed tears.

“Yeah dad will see you in a bit, Finn and I have to go home and change first but we‘ll be there after” Rae hugged her dad giving him a kiss on the cheek than he gave Finn a hug before he left for home. Danny walked up to Rae and Finn to say his goodbyes.

“Hey Rae”

“Hiya Danny, it there anything we can do before we go?” Rae gestured around the now empty room, her eyebrows raised as she waited for a reply from Danny.  

“Oh no Rae the others helped out with that so ya fine “ Danny hugged Rae before shaking Finn’s hand.

“Ok than Danny, well we’re heading out but I wanted to thank you again for the use of the pub today for the wake” Rae said gratefully with a touch of sadness, the sound in her voice just tugged at Danny’s heart for his old friend.

“Its no problem Rae, I was happy to help these are the times when we need family and friends the most” a tear slipped down Rae’s face at the kind words of her friend, Finn put his hand on the small of her back looking at her warmly. Her and Finn made their way out the door and to the car.

Finn drove them home, after changing they made their way to Karims for dinner. The three of them ate their dinner in relative silence with occasional small smiles and small talk mostly about the baby. Finn and Rae did dishes, wiped the table off and cleaned off the counter tops for Karim since he cooked a lovely meal for all of them. Rae and Finn stayed to keep Karim company playing a card game or two; it had been getting late so Rae and Finn said their goodbyes. Rae said she would be by in the morning around eleven to pick up Karim for therapy; Finn opened the car door for Rae helping her in than went around to the drivers side and drove home. Rae walked to the bed after taking a shower and now was dressed in some maternity pjs as she was struggling to get her rings off her left ring finger.      

“Ugh I’m gonna have to start to wear my wedding and engagement ring on a chain with my finger getting so fat, their getting uncomfortable on my finger” Rae huffed as she finally got them off and put the rings on the side table by the bed. Finn took her hand kissing the indentation on her finger and rubbing the soreness away.  

“I’ll get ya chain tomorrow before ya go to therapy the jewelers in town should be open early enough…can’t believe its been two years already since we got married” Finn looked at Rae like he did on their wedding day, Rae truly had been breathtaking that day. Rae smiled at her husband as she sat on the bed and laid down on her side that was becoming a struggle to get comfortable in now a days.  

“Yeah I know, it really seems like it was just yesterday” Rag chuckled, that day had been perfect but no less touched with a twinge of wishing. She turned a little to look at Finn and had a smirk on her lips.

“Love ya Mr. dickhead” Rae bopped him on his nose as she scrunched up her nose at him. Finn mirrored her actions.

“Well I love you to Mrs. Dickhead, goodnight” Finn kissed his wife tenderly than laid his head on his pillow cuddling up next to her.

“Goodnight” Rae yawned as that year they got married, with all the surprise it held and heartache, unfolded in her mind as sleep overtook her.

*********************

**Two years earlier………**

The New Year had started out happy and well with congratulatory sentiments on Rae and Finns engagement and the usual curious questions that come with it until the sad news broke that Bowie had passed away. Rae couldn’t believe it, that one day someone that was so integral to her childhood and teen years were alive one day than gone the next. Rae held her labyrinth soundtrack album in her hands as the day her mum brought home the film came back to her.The day that introduced Rae to Bowie’s music and innovated artistry, Rae thought of how her mum just gushed over how gorgeous he was in it, bringing a smile to her lips at the thought. Of course, Rae at the time couldn’t see it as she didn’t like boys then but that had changed when she got older. Bowie was one of the few things her and Linda had in common, earlier that day when she had to watch her mum she played some of his songs for her. Rae couldn’t be sure if it was the power of Bowie or music in general but for a short time Linda seemed like her old self as the melody and beats of the music touched something deep within them both but that bit of spark in Linda’s eyes vanished with the last note. Rae was grateful for one thing that her mum would never know that he was gone would not feel the loss like the rest of the world, forever in an oblivious state of that knowledge.          

Finn walked into the house hearing the sounds of[ “ **As the World Falls Down”** ](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D2V3FlGZo6Qc&t=OTEyYjYzNWVjMjgyZmY0MjhhYjQ4OTY0YzdlNjJhZDkyOWE3YmNjZCx5NDdmeWRFeQ%3D%3D)being played. He went to the lounge to see a red rimmed teary-eyed Rae swaying with the music, sensing someone in the room she turned to see her fiancé looking at her with the same lost mournful look that her face mirrored. She held out her hand to him that he took when he walked to her.

“Dance with me” Rae said quietly, Finn took her into his arms and they danced in solace letting the music envelope them as they sway to Bowie’s voice together. That evening was spent listing to record after record of their lost idol dancing to **[“Wild is the Wind”](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DVbpMpRq6DV4&t=OTU2N2RlMTE1MjU1OTUyMjM2NmYzODEwM2Y2NmI0MzU3NjVlNDU4OCx5NDdmeWRFeQ%3D%3D)** and reminiscing over the many good times that in a strange way Bowie shared with them as his songs played in the background of their lives.

************************************

**“SURPRISE”** the room full of people yelled out as Rae and Finn entered his dad’s house one early February day.

“What is this?” Rae asked in shocked surprise.

“Yeah what’s going on da” Finn looked at his dad than around the room to see the gang, Karim and Linda all there smiling at him and Rae than at the big sign that says congratulations on the engagement.

“It’s an engagement party that your friend Chop planned” Gary explained as he hugged his son and soon to be daughter-in-law.

“Oh I should have known this had choppy Chop written all over it” Rae smiled warmly at her friend as she went to hug him.

“Raemundo guilty as charged but you know me any excuse for a party” Chop gave Rae a cheeky grin than gave Finn a hug as he walked up to them.

“Thanks Chop, ya didn’t have to though all of ya congratulated us during New Years” Finn playfully ruffled Chops hair.

“I know but Archer and George weren’t there as well as our Izzy. I wanted to do a proper party so every one could share in ya happy news. Also i volunteer to plan ya stag party” Chop gave Finn a mischievous grin before handing the happy couple some champagne for a toast.

“Oh Chop how did I know you were gonna volunteer for that. Just remember no strippers” Rae playfully glared at Chop who just chuckled with the rest of the room.

“Well as ya best mate I volunteer for your hen do than” Chloe chimed in with a big smile on her face and a look to indicate she already had some ideas forming in that brain of hers.

“Oh Chlo I would like nothin’ better, thank you” Rae hugged Chloe tears in her eyes at her oldest friends offer, Izzy was next to hug Rae and than Finn, soon everyone had either greeted or hugged the happy couple in congratulations.

“Ok, ok ,Oi its time for toasts and I’ll go first” Chop held up his drink and the others in the room did the same.

“To my friends who have found there way back to each other may you have a long and happy life together. Cheers” everyone in the room cheered lifting their drinks and sipped the champagne.

“And I know you two will be wearing out the room service since you won’t be living your room while your on your honeymoon” Chop wiggled his eyebrows suggestively than all of a sudden both Sahra and Izzy shoved his arms causing him to spill a little of his drink.

“What! you know its true, no newlyweds ever leave their room on their Honeymoon.” Chop defended himself as both women just yelled “CHOP”, Finn and Rae feeling warmth on her cheeks giggle leaning into each other, the other party guests just shook their heads rolling their eyes at him. Karim cleared his throat to go next.

“To my daughter and future son-in-law may you be blessed with long life, happiness and good health” Karim smiled at the happy couple than looked mournfully at Linda, who was smiling at them but her eyes were covered in a fog of indifference, a look becoming more prevalent these days. Rae hugged her dad and gingerly hugged Linda not wanting to upset her, Finn shook Karims hand and just smiled at Linda not wanting to upset her either.

“Well George and I want to wish you both the best of luck and congratulations, I’m happy for ya mate and Rae make sure to tell Finn off when he becomes a grumpy sod on ya in his old age” Archie chuckled as Finn playfully sneered at him, Rae giggled at the old friends.

“I’m afraid it could be too late he’s already getting gray hair’s at his temples” Rae ran her fingertips along his hair with a playful smirk on her face as she looked at Finn’s grumpy face proving her point.

“I hate you both” Finn grumbled, Rae gave him a hug to let him know she was just kidding. Finn couldn’t help but give her a kiss that garnered them some catcalls and awe’s from their friends.

“I’ll show you who’s a grumpy sod tonight” Finn whispered in Rae’s ear sending a shiver down her spine and tingles to her lady garden.

“I defiantly can’t wait” Rae whispered back her lips just grazing his earlobe making Finn swallow a lump in his throat.

“Well I guess I’m next, I just want to say I don’t think there’s anyone in the world more perfect for each other than you two so congratulations and as my early wedding gift for you two I’m offering my photography services for free in lue of becoming a bridesmaid” Izzy beamed another one of her megawatt  smiles at a very touched Rae and Finn.

“Oh Iz thank you so much” Rae was crying as she hugged Izzy feeling blessed for the friends she has in her life, Finn gave Izzy a grateful hug next. Karim walked up to Rae and tapped her shoulder that made her turn giving him a wide smile.

“Yeah Dad?” Karim took out a envelope and Rae knew what it would be.

“Linda left letter for you for your engagement party” Karim handed Rae the letter that she shakily took, Finn squeezed her hand for support. Rae read the message on the envelope **“For Rae on her engagement party if she has one, if not give to her on her wedding day”** that made her smile.

“Wow mum thought of everything with these letters” Rae huffed out a chuckle but the hint of sadness in her eye’s were not lost on everybody in the room. Rae letting go of Finns hand that instantly went around her waist, she opened the letter taking a glance at her mum before she started reading out loud

**_Dear Rae and Finn,_ **

**_I’ve been writing many letters for many occasions and for certain ones such as this, two. I did write another letter in case you got engaged to someone else but figuratively I’m happy to see your reading this one. Since you’re reading this one it means you and Finn are together and I‘m so happy that the right time finally happened for you two to be together again. I liked Finn from the start he was very polite and kind. I could tell how much he loved you Rae with the way he looked at you it always broke my heart you couldn’t see it (much like my insecurities with Karim, something I fear I passed to you) but hopefully you do now much like I finally did with Karim. To Finn this may be a bit of a surprise but I always thought of you as part of the family even in the years you weren’t with my daughter but just her friend. You were always so kind to watch Aullra when Karim and I had to work, to help Karim with the car or any yard work, helping me on occasions and being there for Rae when she needed someone. One more thing Finn don’t think I didn’t know that you two were up to know good in my daughters room when I asked her to get red cabbage that day, I was a teenager once too *wink* once.  To you both I hope your life is happy together filled with days of laughter and love, and most likely music with you two. I hope that you two cherish each other, we’re not guaranteed forever. To my daughter and future son-in-law congratulations I love you both, cheers._ **

**_Love Linda xoxo_ **

Rae read the last words with tears streaming down her face. Finn tearful himself and a tinge of redness still on his face from the bit about Rae’s room, he held onto Rae tighter as she looked over at her mum again, who was sitting in a chair looking out the window with her usual lost look in her eyes.

After speeches everyone had cake, Aullra had put on a mixed cd full of Rae and Finn favorite music of the nineties including some reggae that made Rae roll her eyes.

“Rae I want you to meet Rick, Rick this is Rae that I’ve been telling you about” Chloe introduced Rae to a very handsome tall man with short dark brown hair that kinda reminded Rae of Ewan McGregor only with piercing ocean blue eyes.

“Hello Rae its nice to finally meet you and congratulations again on the engagement” Rae shook Rick’s hand giving him a warm smile as he nodded his head slightly in acknowledgement  

“Thank you Chloe has told me a bit about you that you’re from here but went to a culinary school in France”

“Ah yes I went to the Ferrandi school for culinary arts in Paris and fell in love with the city so much I stayed” Rick smiled brightly at Rae than looked warmly at Chloe, their hands intertwined. Rae could see by the way they stood close they were very much in love.

“Oh Finn meet Rick, Chloe’s boyfriend” Rae grabbed Finn’s hand leading him closer to her, Finn had shook Ricks hand both men saying hello.

“So Rae have you and Finn picked out a date yet for the wedding?” Chloe asked while taking a sip of her champagne.

“Oh not yet but I guess we need to start don’t we Finn” He nodded his agreement as he held Rae’s hand rubbing the pad of his thumb over her fingers that made her heart beat faster and something flutter in her stomach. “But we do know its gonna be small. We both agreed on that with mum not handling big crowds well and we’re not the big wedding types either so a small intimate wedding is perfect for us surrounded by family and friends” Rae and Finn looked at each other in what looked like a silent conversion, Finn lifted Rae’s hand to his mouth giving it a loving kiss.

“Well whenever you decide it will be I’m putting in for time off I don’t want to miss my best mates wedding and would be happy to volunteer for maid of honor” Chloe said giving Rae a coy look.

“Well I don’t know yet who I want, you or my sister” Rae responded in the same coy look on her face as Chloe chuckled.

“I see ya got a tough decision, although I’ll be happy whichever choice ya make, I would just like to be in me best mates wedding party” Chloe said sincerely.

“Now that I can guarantee ” Rae and Chloe laughed, a few moments latter Rae found herself with her sister, Andrea, Chloe, Izzy, Becky and Sahra while Finn got corralled with the guys.

“So Rae have you been thinking of what your going to do for your wedding theme wise or anything like that yet? Bet ya been thinking about this since ya were a kid right?” Becky asked whilst she pushed some of her unruly brunette fringe from her forehead as the other women looked at Rae. Rae smiled small as she shifted her weight from one side to the other and let out a sigh.

“To be honest no. I didn’t like boys when I was kid and I guess about the time one would start thinking about that I was starting to get bullied, hating myself. I didn’t think anybody would want to touch me let alone marry me, not a blob with gob like me. I never let meself think about it” Rae pursed her lips to the side shrugging not knowing what else to say.

“Oh Rae I’m sorry you ever felt that way” Becky hugged Rae with a rage building in her small frame of a body at the twats that made Rae feel bad about herself.

“Rae would you like us to help with any planning?” Sahra asked holding a sleeping Lilly who was looking more like her mother everyday in her arms as the other women also volunteered any help to Rae.

“I would love that thank you so much” Rae smiled at her friends than looked at her mum taking a small breath turned her attention back to her friends putting on a warm smile on her face that didn’t reach her eyes. Rae talked with the girls for a time saying goodbye to her sister and her curvy red headed friend Andrea when they had to leave making their way back to uni. Rae noticed her sister and friend talk to Archie and George for a bit before they left. The party started to end as guests slowly left saying their goodbyes one by one, Chop stayed behind to help clean up than after saying his goodbyes only Rae, Finn and Gary were left in the home.

“Hey da me and Rae were wondering if we could have the ceremony in the back garden of the house and the reception? Its plenty big enough for both” Finn bit his lip as he nervously rubbed the back of his ear, Rae held his hand looking at Gary with a small smile. This was one thing Rae and Finn had decided right away on the wedding about, where to have it, hopping Gary would agree.  

“Of course I think that would be perfect. Do you have an idea when the wedding will be?” Gary asked with a content smile for the happy couple.

“Uh no but when we decide ya will be the first to know”

“Ok than so you two staying for dinner?”

“Yeah da that would be great” Finn smiled at his dad as the three of them headed to the kitchen to start dinner. After dinner Rae and Finn made their way home, the moment Rae closed the front door Finn pounced on her kissing her passionately, making her giggle into their kiss but soon turned into moans as his touch left a trial of fire on her skin. They laid in bed panting coming down from their orgasmic bliss, they cuddled into each others arms with sleep overtaking them in a warm embrace.

********************************

The next morning Rae woke up to the smell of a fry up making her smile, She got out of bed naked and walked to the dresser getting out some underwear and put them on. Rae went to the wardrobe for some pj bottoms when she noticed her box that housed her old diaries. She took it down, quickly put on her bottoms and an old band t-shirt than went through the old diaries, finding one that chronicled her first year of uni and her break up with Finn. She was siting on the floor reading it when Finn found her to tell her breakfast was done. Finn sat next to her and wiped away the tears that escaped down her face.

“What’s wrong, girl?” Finn rubbed her back looking concerned.

“Finn do you wish we tried harder to stay together when I was in uni instead of breaking up?” Rae sniffed back the tears as he took hold of her hand.

“There were times yeah. Why are you asking?” Finn felt his heart race thinking about that time in his life that he felt so much fear of the future.

“I really want mum to help me with this wedding Finn but mostly I just want her to take part in it, to remember it. I can’t help but wish if we got back together sooner or at least tried harder, made compromises to stay together, so she could have” Finn held her as more tears fell down her face, the teardrops splashing  on her old diary laying open to the entry of her session with Finn and Kester.

“Rae I would have loved nothin’ more for us to have found our way back together sooner and we did try hard when you were in uni and it led us to see Kester. Nether one of us wanted the other to do something because we felt we had to. We would have ended up resenting each other it might have broken us for good” Finn’s heart was breaking with feelings that came with that day they saw Kester.

“I know Finn but I still can’t help but wish” Rae wiped her tears and smile small at him and planning on talking to Kester about it.

“I know girl I wish it too, come on food’s getting cold” They both got up, Rae put her old dairy on the desk  still opened to the entry of that day with Kester next to the wardrobe as they made there way downstairs.

_**June 1999…** _

_“Rae, Finn this is a surprise” Kester stood at his door a smile on his face but a questioning look in his eyes._

_“Hiya Kester um I know this is unorthodox and all but I was wondering if me and Finn could talk to you?” Rae bit her lower lip nervously with Finn looked pensive at her. Kester looked at the young couple with reverence as he considered her request, he looked at his clock  seeing he had a couple of hours before his next patient than looked back to Rae._

_“Is this ok with you Finn?”_

_“Yeah if you can help us” Finn said eagerly but Kester picked up on the desperation in his voice._

_“I make no promises but I will try and help if I can. Come on in” The two of them walked into Kester’s office, Rae sat in the chair she always sat in while Finn grabbed a chair in the corner of the room setting it next to Rae and sat down, both with worried looks on their faces._

_“So what has been going on with you two?” Rae had answered first explaining that the two of them had been struggling with the long distance relationship. Kester helped them under stand that even the strongest of relationships can be tested by distance. Finn had admitted that he had fears of losing Rae to some one better than him that he often wondered what he had to offer Rae while she couldn’t believe how much Finn felt like that, she knew he had insecurities but never knew that they were that deep. The conversation than veered into Finn’s mum leaving him and how much it had effected him, made him feel unworthy. It had been Rae to suggested Finn make an appointment with Kester to talk more about his mum and his feelings of abandonment, knowing all to well the feelings of anger and wondering what one did to make that person leave. Rae shared her own feelings of fear that Finn would find someone else and how annoyed it made her feel to still think like she was lucky that Finn was with her at all. Finn reassured her that there wasn’t anyone better than her that he was the lucky one to have her in his life. This admission led Kester to ask if they think the other is better than the other, if they ever thought they had put the other unfairly on some sort of pedestal. It was something he felt Rae did to Finn but wondered If Finn had done the same with Rae with some of the things she’s said in past sessions. This surprised Rae and Finn at first but as they thought about it, they couldn’t really deny it. Both thought back to when they may have first started to do that to the other realizing for Finn it had been when she comforted him after learning of his Nan’s death and for Rae it was when she was in the caravan with her standing in the bathroom looking at that picture of them._

_“Putting people on pedestals is dangerous, people fall off but now you’ve acknowledged it. You can help the other climb down, put this relationship on equal footing. To truly be able to see each other completely and not just in glimpses” Rae and Finn looked to one another with an understating at how unfair they had been to each other. Kester reached for his cigarettes, taking one and lighting it. He took a drag considering the next question to ask._

_“So my next question is in light of this do you feel your communication is lacking in some way? Which it seems to be the case with what has been said” Kester took another drag of his cigarette as he watched the couple think on this._

_“I still hold back sometimes so yeah I think so” Rae sighed softly than looked at Finn with a tearful expression. Finn intertwines his hand in hers, giving her a small supportive smile._

_“I try to talk say what I feel but its hard sometimes I still feel that I’m no good with specking”_

_“So Rae why do you still hold back and Finn why do you feel you’re not good with speaking” Kester asked as he blew smoke from his mouth and leaned back in the chair looking at the pair._

_“I don’t want to burden to Finn all the time or be a burden to him. I-I know I shouldn’t think I am one but I do at times. Its something I‘m still working on with my therapist at uni ” Rae wiped at her tears blinking back more that threatened to fall. Finn squeezed her hand looking at her with hints of hurt, sadness and pride in his eyes._

_“Rae I’m glad your working on it and I’m willing to share your burdens because I want to, you’ll never be a burden to me Rae ever. So please don’t hold back” Finn said earnestly as a tear falls down his face, Rae gave him a watery smile._

_“Ok I promise I won’t”_

_“Finn you say your not good with specking but you seem to be doing just fine here today” Kester put out his cigarette as he observed the couple sensing they had a shaky foundation to their relationship even after nearly three years with what had been revealed with this session but yet he didn’t think it was something unfixable._

_“Most of the time I struggle to express how I feel. It seems easier to show it with music or physically” Finn looked at Kester sheepishly, feeling heat on his cheeks than looked down playing with some loose thread on the cuff of his shirt._

_“Have you ever tried writing down how you feel in a journal or diary, sometimes its easier to do that. It give you the time to work out exactly what you want to say” Kester moved forward resting his elbows on top of his thighs supporting the side of his face with one hand._

_“No I haven’t but I’ll give it a go. It couldn’t hurt right?” Finn gave Kester a slightly hesitant but hopeful look._

_“Finn I think it couldn’t hurt either. In fact I remember the letter you wrote me when ya went to Leeds. It came to me at the right moment because it was what I needed to read at the time” Rae smiled at Finn warmly, Rae still had that letter folded up in one of her diaries and some times reread it at uni when she missed him. Finn felt overwhelmed with this news never knowing it helped her so much he always figured it was just a letter to tell her goodbye and wasn’t much of one at that._

_“Why didn’t you Tell me that?”_

_“I guess it never came up really and after we made up I didn’t think it mattered we had talked about more important things like why I broke up with ya and all that”_

_“Well Its good to know” Finn smiled at her giving her hand a squeeze._

_“So Finn you said the long distance was difficult, if you’re able, have you ever considered moving with Rae to uni?”_

_“At times when I miss her but my job is hear I finally got that internship at the radio station that I’ve been working on getting for the last year. Its even been a dream of mine to own the station one day” Finn smiled seeing the encouraging look his nan gave him when he told her that dream as the image ran through his mind._

_“Finn I knew ya wanted to work at the station but ya never told me that? I told ya me dream of becoming a writer which is why I wanted to go to uni” Rae furrowed her brows questioningly at Finn sounding a bit hurt as he shrugged._

_“Well to be honest it seems a bit far fetched for it to ever happen to even mention it I guess. Sorry” Finn said quietly looking guiltily at Rae._

_“Its ok. I guess we both held back a bit, something we have to learn not to do anymore, especially me” Rae gave Finn a small smile, Kester saw where he needed to take this conversation and the next question would be a hard one._

_“Where do you see yourselves in a few years say after uni?”_

_“Living in our own flat together in London” Said Rae_

_“Living in our own flat together in Stamford” Finn said at the same time as Rae._

_Both of them turned to the other with the same confusion in their eyes._

_“What? Stanford?” Rae shook her head, speechless._

_“I didn’t know you wanted to live in London since when?” Finn turned more toward Rae still surprised with what she said._

_“Since I visited on a school trip there in first semester that I told ya about. I loved it, it was exciting and I knew I wanted to live there” Rae had been enthralled with London and all that it had to offer._

_“I always assumed ya would move back to Stamford, we’d live in a flat together and you could do your writing here while I’d go to work at the station” Finn’s voice trailed off as he grew quiet feeling a pain stab through his heart at seeing that they’re wanting different things._

_“I always assumed we would live in a flat somewhere but I didn’t realize you meant Stanford” Rae looked down trying to process the information._

_“Finn would you consider living in London or Rae wold you consider moving back home?” Kester felt this may be too big of a hurdle for this young couple to overcome._

_“I could move to London for Rae yeah” Finn said to quickly than started to chew the side of his lower lip, Rae saw how Finn was sitting slumped in his chair bouncing his leg nervously._

_“Finn ya don’t want to move to London and I don’t want you to move there for only me. I want you to move there because you want to. Besides I may not be able to afford London so I’ll be moving back to Stamford anyways” Rae smiled but Finn saw that it didn’t reach her eyes and saw them glisten with tears feeling in his heart it wasn’t what she wanted._

_“Rae do you even want to move back to Stamford?” Finn asked with his heart pounding in his chest as he saw the turmoil in Rae’s eyes and her hesitation to answer, he braced himself for what he felt was about to come._

_“No, I always saw myself living somewhere else besides Stamford, I just didn’t know where until the trip to London” Rae felt the tears fall down her face as she sniffed back more her heart felt like some one ripped it out._

_“Like ya said I don’t want you moving back here if you don’t want to. I know ya gonna find away to live there but I can’t see myself living there, visiting yes but its just not for me. I want you to be happy and live your dreams Rae even if its not with me” Finns voice cracked as he wiped away his tears, his world felt like it fell apart around him._

_“I don’t want to loose ya Finn, I love you” Rae tearfully said as their hands gravitated to each other to hold onto something that was irrevocably ending but weren’t ready to let go of._

_“I love you too and I don’t want to loose ya either Rae” Finn let his tears fall, his vision becoming blurry, Rae leaned over to hold him, both of them not sure what to do next._

_“Its ok to let go of a relationship if the road your travailing on leads you in different directions. It happens for many couples, sometimes love and good communication isn’t able to overcome all obstacles. Although it doesn’t mean you have to loose the person from your life if they’re someone that you want to stay in it. It looks like you’re both going to have to decided what you want this relationship to evolve into now” Kester looked at the time than back at the young couple that he felt were heading into a different chapter in their lives and being together wasn’t a part of it._

_“Thank you Kester, um do you need to see someone?” Rae asked Kester as she leaned down to get her bag, Finn got up waiting for her blinking back tears._

_“Yes, Finn I’ll see you Wednesday” Rae got up along with Kester as she took Finn’s hand just trying to keep it together._

_“Yeah see ya than” Finn took a deep breath trying not to fall apart like he wanted to. The three of them walked to the door._

_“Rae, Finn I’m sorry that I couldn’t have been of more help for you” Kester said in sympathy._

_“Kester you got us to talk about something we’ve only talked about in the abstract. You probably saved us unnecessary heartache. I figured we were doing fine after three years but I guess we were only doing enough to get by” Rae looked at Kester gratefully but the pain of what was about to come was evident on her face. Rae and Finn walked out the door making their way to the exit when Kester stopped them._

_“You know sometimes as we get older and our lives change, Sometimes our dreams change with it. We don’t have to stay on the same path forever sometimes its good to take a detour in life” Kester nodded his head in farewell retreating back to his office as Rae and Finn made their way out to his car._

_“So where do you want to go?” Finn asked as he got into the car that Rae had already made her way into._

_“Ya flat” Rae whispered as new tears fell down her cheeks, Finn started the car and drove them back to his in silence. Finn opened his door and let Rae go in first with him following in after._

_“So what now?” Finn’s voice trembled as he put his keys on the table next to the door than looked at Rae who stood in front of his sofa looking at him back_

_“Those are familiar words…” Rae chuckled through her tears. “I don’t want to loose you and this is killing me but I know I want ya in my life Finn so I guess…friends but maybe to be continued” Rae started to sob, Finn walked to her putting his arms around her as he sobbed with her. They held each other for what seemed like an eternity both wishing they could stay in this moment of time forever not wanting to let go of the other._

_“Rae this is killing me too but it would kill me more if I lost you completely so yeah…friends and maybe to be continued” Finn whispered in Rae’s ear as they continued to cling to one another in a tight embrace. They pulled apart and looked into each other’s eyes, in a silent understanding they wanted to have one more moment of love, before saying goodbye to one relationship that was drifting into a new uncertain beginning. Finn gently cupped Rae’s face grazing his thumb over her cheek, closing her eyes at the touch she would miss. Her hands laced around the back of his neck, their lips softly came together not in fire as before but in parting heartache. Their feet walk them to the bedroom, to a fork in their once shared road. They remove clothes slowly, every kiss mingled with the taste of salt from their tears, every touch a goodbye before they walk their separate paths. Their souls cry out as their last connection is released and broken by divergent dreams. They hold each other as their hands roam memorizing contours, muscles and soft curves into a road map to carry and treasure on their opposite journeys, hoping one day it will lead them back to a road they can share once more._

*************************************

“What ya thinkin’ about ?” Finn whispered in Rae’s ear as she was washing up dishes in the sink, music playing in the background. Rae jumped a little at the unexpected question.

“Finn ya scared me” Rae chuckled as she put the last dish in the drying rack. Finn put his arms around Rae as she turned into his embrace.

“Sorry, I was just wonderin’ where ya were at up there?” Finn looked at her head than back to her eyes than gave her a peck on her cheek.

“I was just thinking about that day with us and Kester, ya flat after” Rae looked at him warmly as her arms went around his neck pulling him a little closer to her.

“I thought I’d never hold ya again like that after that day Rae” Finn looked at Rae with sadness in his soulful brown eyes as the emotions of that day washed over him again. Rae kissed him softly as her heart felt the pain of that day also.

“Me too Finn” Rae and Finn continued to embrace but pulled apart to look at each other.

“You know Rae I feel like I got you back by default if…if your-”

“If my mum hadn’t gotten sick” Rae finished Finn’s thought as her right hand intertwined in his hair at the nape of his neck.

“Rae I would gladly give us up if your mum could be better again no matter how much it would kill me” Finn closed his eyes at the calming affect Rae running her fingers through his hair had on him, he opened his eyes to see a smiling Rae.

“And this is why I love you Finn Nelson because you’re kind. To be honest I was thinking of coming home anyways” Rae smiled at the surprised look on his face.

“Why were you thinkin’ of doing that?”

“London was losing its luster for me plus it was expensive to live there, freelance work was starting to pay a little more but still not enough. I was thinking of taking a detour in life like Kester said, regrouping and figuring it out on what to do next”

“I wish you could have come home for those reasons than” Finn gave Rae a wistful smile as the two of them naturally started dancing to[ **Paul Weller’s You do something to me** ](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DI0RJOuPNQCc&t=ZTMyMTFjMzNkZDRlY2RiMGI0M2NkZGNlY2M4OWQzMTkwNmMyYzU3Zix5NDdmeWRFeQ%3D%3D)that started playing on their ipod speakers.

“Yeah me too, so don’t go thinking you got me by default ok.”Rae beamed at Finn as they continued swaying as one to the beautiful melody that both though would sound better on vinyl.

“Ok, so you want to talk about a date for our wedding?” Finn surprised Rae by all of a suddenly dunking her causing Rae to giggled.

“Finn you cheeky bugger” Rae was in full on laughter mode that Finn couldn’t help but join in with it being so infectious.

“So any ideas?” Finn asked again as Rae looked thoughtfully at him,.

“Yeah, I was thinkin’ July tenth” Rae said as the idea had been inspired by reading her old diaries earlier.  

“Why that day?”

“It was the day I got out of hospital and my life changed. It was the day I met you and the gang” Rae smiled warmly as she could still hear the roar of the scooters passing her mum’s car and the smell of Chloe’s perfume as she huge her.

“Sounds perfect Rae, July tenth it is. I’ll call me da with the news” Finn pecked a kiss on Rae cheek.

“Well now that’s settled, we just have a billion more details to go I’m sure” Rae giggled as Finn put on a mocked overwhelmed face.

“I hope not that many”

“God I hope so too. Well I need to get dressed and go watch mum. So I’ll see you later tonight at mum and dads?”

“Yeah I’ll be over after work. Oh Rae I’m filling in for one of the dj’s today at one, I’ll dedicate a song to ya”

“I’ll be listening than but no crap reggae or worse backstreet boys” Rae cringed at the thought as she wiped around the sink to finish cleaning, Finn scoffed a mock look of hurt on his face.

“Really backstreet boys I would never play them not even for a joke. Also there’s nothing wrong with reggae. I was gonna play spaceman your favorite song” Finn grinned as Rae gave him a dirty look.

“Well in that case I’m not listening and we‘ll have to continue to disagree on the reggae”  Rae smirked folding her arms in front of her.

“Ok I’ll find a good song for ya, though admit it you love spaceman” Finn bit his lower lip that sent a jolt of lust to Rae’s lady garden.

“Never and Finn stop biting your lip you know what that does to me” Rae swallowed as Finn let his lip slide between his teeth.

“I know that’s why I’m doin’ it” Finn winked at Rae who felt very warm all of a sudden.

“You are an evil, evil man Finn Nelson. I’ve got to go” Rae with all her might turned to go upstairs to get changed when Finn smacked her arse. Rae turned to look at him narrowing her eyes at him a smirk on her lips, two could play at this game she thought. She walked closer to him and leaned closer to his ear, her hand mere inches from his groin.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish Nelson” Rae whispered in his ear, her breath tickling his neck as her hand grazed the front of his trousers causing Finn to hitch his breath.

“Oh I could but we’re gonna be late so to be continued girl” Finn cupped her face as his lips connected with hers, he licked her bottom lip before nibbling it making Rae moan out. The kiss turns deeper as their tongues touch and slide sensuously around the other sending tingles down to Rae’s core, Finn pulls away but softly kisses her lips a couple of more times. Rae is left breathless as Finn smiles at her.

“Yeah, yeah defiantly to be continued. Holy fuck” Rae had to hold on the counter as that kiss left her a little week in the knees.

“I see ya tonight girl, bye” Finn left with a big grin on his face as Rae waved him off.

“Bye, ya cheeky bastard” Rae turned to go change and thought about ways to get her revenge, she all of a sudden felt in the mood for a new bra and knickers set.

****************************  
Rae sat on the settee flipping through a wedding magazine as her mum watched the television but wasn’t  really paying attention to it. Rae was looking at some of the wedding dresses on the page when a tear ran down her cheek and splashed on the glossy page, she wiped at her cheek and took a deep breath. Rae closed it, putting it down next to her, she sniffed back some tears when Linda turned to look at the magazine. She picked it up and grazed her hand over the cover with a blank stare on her face than looked at Rae putting her arm around her, holding her to Rae’s surprise.

“What’s wrong pet? Why are you crying?” Linda held Rae like she did when she was younger and it tore at Rea‘s heart.

“I’m getting married mum and I wish you could help” Rae’s tears fell down her face afraid to move as she didn’t want this rare lucid moment to end with her mum wanting to stay in this moment wishing time would stop.

“Oh you’ll make a lovely bride Rae and you’ll figure it out” Linda rocked Rae gently like she used to and Rae almost let herself believe that everything was going to be alright, almost.

“I love you mum” Rae let her tears fall down her face as her mum continued to hold her.

“I love you too pet.” Linda started to sound far away a cue for Rae that this moment would end soon, Linda’s lucid moments were never long anymore as before. Rae stayed in her mum’s arms but soon Linda stopped rocking her and let her go. Linda went back to looking blankly at the television as Rae took a breath  before getting up taking her magazine to the kitchen, Rae sat at the kitchen table and cried.

Rae wiped away her tears after a time and started to make dinner, by the time it was done Karim had come home from work. He noticed the blochiness of Rae’s tear swollen eyes, her quite mood, and instantly held her. Rae broke down sobbing and Karim just held her tight, he patted her back and rocked her much like she did for him nearly a year ago.

“Shh, shh precious one. Linda” Karim said in a knowing voice as he pulled away a bit to look at her with a pained expression on his face as Rae nodded her head.

“Yeah dad, she had a lucid moment. She told me she loved me and I’d make a lovely bride” Rae sniffed back tears and took a deep breath trying to calm down.

“She is right you will be” Karim smiled at Rae, his heart breaking for his daughter.

“This disease is cruel, it gives ya your loved one back for a moment than yanks them back from ya” Rae wiped at her tears as she turned away from her dad to check on the food in the oven than grabbed an oven mitt to take it out.

“Yes it is Rae but I chose to think of them as precious gifts of extra time with Linda knowing soon they will end, these moments” Karim looked at Rae with sadness before walking over to the cabinet that held plates, he took some and started to set the table.

“That’s a good way to think about it dad. Oh um me and Finn set a wedding date, for July tenth this year” Karim looked at Rae with understanding at the significance of the day.

“Day you got out of hospital”

“Yeah, the day my life changed” Rae still could feel the nervous and exhilarating feelings she had when she entered the swan that day. There was a knock at the door and Karim made to go answer it.

“Oh dad I’ll get it, its Finn” Rae went to the hallway than to the door to let him in.

“ Hey girl! You’ve been crying what happened” Finn caressed Rae’s cheek that she leaned into and sighed.

“Mum had a lucid moment today, there’re getting fewer and far between now” Rae blinked back a tear and smiled small at Finn, he hugged her giving her a kiss on her forehead.

“Are you ok?” Finn whispered in her ear.

“I’m ok right now, it just hurts” Rae took a deep breath not wanting to cry again.

“Wish I could do something to help” Finn said dejectedly, Rae looked at him gratefully.

“Finn you do help more than you know by being there for me… come on dinner’s ready” Rae smiled at him as she made her way back to the kitchen with him following after. Rae managed to get Linda to the table to eat, some days are harder to get her to eat than others. The dinner passed quickly with small talk but the mood was somber as was most meals shared in the bouchat home were now a days. Karim took Linda to her room when she looked tired while Rae and Finn cleaned up the kitchen and put leftovers away. Rae and Finn stayed a while to visit with Karim talking about the wedding plans that have been figured out so far, as it was getting late Rae and Finn said there goodbyes and left for home.

**************************

Rae was walking into the bedroom when she spotted her diaries she didn’t have time earlier to put back up, she walked over to them and started  reading them again. An idea came to her as she read entry after entry  especially the therapy parts, she realized that with some editing to make them more readable that maybe she could turn her old diaries into a book. Finn walked up to her kissing her on her neck which made Rae giggle.

“What ya doin’? ” Finn said in a curious tone as he was taking off his shirt and trousers getting ready for bed.

“Oh I was contemplating turning me old diaries into a book. Maybe they could inspire or help someone get help. I mean lets face it its harder to be a teen now a days than it was for us but some experience remain the same no matter what decade you live in ” Rae said reflectively as she closed her old diary.

“Well I for one would love to read that book and know what you were thinkin’ back than” Finn joked but Rae felt guilty for not being more open when they were younger.

“So what do you want to know” Rae felt a nervous energy sweep though her body as she grabbed the diary from the summer of ninety-six getting up to hand it to him.

“Whatever you’re comfortable with Rae” Finn smiled at her as she put her diary in his hand, he took it and Rae took his hand leading them to their bed. They got comfortable before Finn began reading her old diary, it felt so intimate to Rae watching him read all her triumphs, dark memories and heartaches. Finn finished  three hours latter after reading her diaries from the summer of ninety-six to the end of her first year of collage. Finn put the diary on the side table than looked at Rae with that smile that made her feel so loved.

“Thank you, I hated that you felt that way and felt so alone. I wish we could have talked to each other better than” Finn sighed looking reflectively. Rae took his hand smiling at him felling the same way.

“Me too but we communicate better now that’s the important thing”

“You know I think sometimes it was good that we broke up when we did, being friends helped us really see each other” Finn caressed the side of Rae’s face, his thumb grazing her cheek.

“And not just in glimpses” Rae sighed thinking back on Kester’s words that day they saw him. “I think it was good for us too cause it took me so long to realize I’m not a burden that I shouldn’t push people away. A pattern I was falling back into last year” Rae squeezed his hand.

“But you found the strength in ya girl to stop. Its just one of many things I love about ya that inner strength of yours” Finn kissed her her lips lightly than leaned his forehead on hers.

“And I love that you so supportive I need that now with everything… have I told you how much I appreciate you and all that you do” Rae smiled than kissed him back with such love that it made Finn’s soul sigh contentedly.

“Not recently but I’m glad to hear it. I appreciate you too” Finn smiled happily at her.

“I love you Finn” Rae whispered and kissed him again.

“I love you too Rae. So sex wizard eh?” Finn smirked raising his eyebrows. Rae couldn’t help but giggle.

“It fit, those fingers of yours are magic” Rae said saucily as she bit her lower lip making Finn groan.

“Well than lets see if I still got the magic touch to make ya scream me name” Finn kisses the side of Rae’s neck making her giggle that soon turned into moans of pleasure as his fingers worked their magic once again.

******************************

The next couple of months passed rather quickly, Rae with help from Becky and Sahra had figured out most of the smaller details of the wedding from color scheme to decorations, something that Rae was so grateful for. Becky had volunteered to cook food and do the flower arrangement something she loved doing in her spare time in lue of being a bridesmaid when Rae asked if she wanted to be one, she told Rae that she had been one in five of her friends weddings and were all bridesmaid out. The bigger details were finalized such as the date, the time, and the officiating party who would marry them. All that was needing to be done still was finding a dress, a cake and Rae to choose a made of honor. Aullra was soon due home for spring break and Rae couldn’t wait to see her little sister. Chloe and Izzy were also due to visit so the both of them, Aullra, Becky, and Sahra could help Rae find a wedding dress and bridesmaids dresses for Aullra, Sahra, and Chloe. Rae had been happy for the help but the person she wanted there the most wouldn’t be. Rae was driving to the train station to pick up her sister. Rae was waiting for her sisters train to pull into the station, she was listening to her Ipod when she spotted her. The sisters hugged each other in greeting and Rae was pleasantly surprised to see her sisters friend Andrea. The ride home was animated with news of uni, arguing over music and talk of the wedding.

“Dad we’re home” Rae called out as she walked in the door with Aullra and Andrea. Karim picked his head out from the doorway and smiled to see both his daughters home.

“Welcome home Aullra, ah Andrea good to see you welcome” Karim waked into the entryway to hug his daughter than Rae.

“Its good to see you too dad” Aullra smiled at her father, Andrea stood next to her smiling back at Karim as he shook her hand warmly.

“Its good to see you too Mr. Bouchat”

“Please just Karim. Um lunch ready” Everyone went into the kitchen, Linda was sitting at the table staring off in space. Rae walked over to her mum and sat next to her, Linda turned and smiled not in recognition  but in reaction to Rae sitting next to her.  

“Hello are you waiting for the train too” Rae felt her heart lurch at her mum’s confusion at where she was, Rae noticed Andrea holding Aullra’s hand in support.

“No mum you’re at home not waiting for the train” Rae said gently as Linda just continued to smile.

“Oh that’s nice” Linda said hollowly. Aullra and Andrea sat down next to Rae as Karim put sandwiches on the table. Lunch passed in relative silence with just small talk about uni to break up the monotony. After lunch that Linda ate well Rae had noticed they all went to the lounge room. Linda sat in a chair by the window staring out at the birds with that blank look on her face holding pictures in her hand. There was a film on the television that nobody seemed to interested in, there was also a nervous energy to the room. Aullra whispered to Andrea and she looked at her with a supportive look nodding her head, than Rae noticed Andrea holding her sisters hand and Aullra take a deep breath.

“Dad, Rae um I have something to say um…I hope you will understand that I’m still your daughter and sister and, and please don’t hate me…” Aullra struggled with her words Andrea squeezed her hand in support. Aullra took another breath. “Um I’m lesbian and Andrea is my girlfriend not just friend” Aullra breathed out quickly her heart beating fast in her chest she was almost sure everyone could hear it.

“Aullra why would I hate you, you’re my sister and I love you. To be honest I’ve suspected for a few years now but with learning my lesson in calling out Archie in the wrong way, I’ve waited for you to tell the family one way or the other” Rae got up to sit next to her sister giving her a hug, Aullra was in shock that Rae knew.

“You knew? A-are you ok with it?” Aullra looked at her sister still with a bit of fear of rejection although she told herself to not think that way because of Archie and how accepting Rae is of him.  

“Maybe not knew for sure but like I said suspected. And yes I am, you are who are and you need to live ya truth” Aullra looked over to her dad worried about his reaction the most. He got up and stood in front of his daughter then keeled with a warm smile on his face.

“You are gift from god as is, one should not throw away gift of gods for having what some think is dent, gift is still perfect. Anyone who throws gift away slaps gods face. You are a precious gift to me and your mother, I accept you for you, I love you. Like Rae I felt the truth with you” Karim hugged a teary-eyed Aullra. Rae looked on with tears as well as Andrea than Rae looks over to her mum still looking out the window oblivious to another changing event in the family. Karim looked over to Andrea and smiled.

“You make my daughter happy I see it welcome to family” Karim hugged her surprising Andrea as Aullra looked at her mum with the same reflective look on her face as Rae had a moment ago.

“So you two knew but mum, I wonder what she would have said” Karim got up to go upstairs with confused looks from the three women in the room, a few minutes later he was down the stairs holding a letter.

“Oh you’ve got to be kiddin’ me she knew too was I that obvious” Aullra sniffed back tears letting out a chuckle.

“Well you weren’t to subtle sis that’s for sure” Rae teased her sister as she rolled her eyes at Rae something she defiantly inherited from her. Karim handed Aullra the letter from Linda for her to read.

“Thank you dad” Aullra opened the letter than looked at her mum and took a deep breath before looking back to the letter and began to read.

**My dearest pet**

_**If you are reading this letter then you have come out of the proverbial closet as they say and yes I suspected, you weren’t to subtle dear. I want you to know that I love you and support you. That whoever tells you that you’re not normal or an abomination can just shove it up Satan’s arse because you my dear daughter are perfect the way you are! You got that!? Good. Now I can’t lie I am scared for you baby even in 2013 as I write this and whatever year you’re reading this in, people can be cruel and some would want to hurt you for who you would dare love. I pray that it gets better, that more people become more accepting but please be careful. Know I will look out for you in the life after this one. I hope you find someone as good as your father someone who is kind, supportive and will love you fiercely. I hope whoever she is will deserve you, that she will treat you with such reverence, like how your father treats me. This bit is for you future girlfriend or wife if the laws ever change, whoever you are I wish I could be there to meet you, to see if you are good enough for my youngest baby but** **I’m sure you are if my Aullra loves you. All I ask is treat her and love her well. Aullra my pet be proud of who you are and live you life your way.**_

_**Love your mum xoxoxo** _

“Wow sweetie you have a more supportive family than mine was” Andrea observed sadly as she looked down lost in thought.

“Andrea what happened if you don’t mind me asking” Rae looked concerned at her sister’s girlfriend. Andrea looked at Rae shaking her head.

“No I don’t mind and please call me Drea, um when I was sixteen me parents kicked me out of the house when I came out” Aullra lovingly wiped away a tear on a her face and gave Andrea’s hand a squeeze.

“Oh Drea that wasn’t right of them, some people shouldn’t be parents” Rae said in indignation.

“Its ok Rae I was lucky I had an aunt that took me in, she was so mad at me dad, her brother and me mum for doin’ that. They haven’t talked to each other since than.”

“Well you part of this family now Drea” Karim smiled warmly at Andrea who was overwhelmed by the love in the home. The rest of the day passed rather quickly with more talk about uni and what was happening in Stamford, Rae had said her goodbyes in the early evening. She told Aullra and Andrea that she would be around in the morning to pick them up to go find a wedding dress for Rae at the dress shop. Rae walked out to her car but looked up to the window that belonged to her mums’ room with a melancholy look on her face before slowly getting in her car and driving off for home.    

************************

The next day Rae got up and showered, returning to the room naked, she walked to the dresser to get some undergarments. Finn woke up while Rae was in the shower and currently was in awe of this goddess in his presence and enjoying the view.

“Please don’t get dressed on my account girl” Finn lazily smiled at Rae than yawned as she shook her head.

“What I bored ya already? Well that doesn’t bode well for our relationship” Rae giggled as Finn practically jumped out of bed naked himself keeping Rae in his sights walking slowly toward  her like a lion to its prey. Rae couldn’t move as she was mesmerized by him coming at her, he put his arms around her waist giving her a passionate kiss that left her breathless and weak in the knees.

“I can never get bored of ya Rae” Rae kissed him than, Finn picked her up with her wrapping her legs around his waist and walked back to their bed. Half an hour later Rae was scrambling to get dressed, late from her sexcapades with Finn. He kissed her as she waked out the door, she got to her mum and dads with just five minutes to spare picking up Aullra and Drea. They met Chloe, Izzy, Becky and Sahra at the dress shop. They were sat around a step up for the bride-to-be to stand on and look at herself in the mirror . Rae had picked out a few dresses in her price range, after rejecting six dresses for being too girly,  plain, lacey, too long, doesn’t fit her bust right, too short but finally everyone agreed with Rae when she found the right dress. It was long and flowy with the bust a V-neck and one side of the material overlapped the other giving it a wrap dress feel to it. It was sleeveless with straps that had a bead detailing that almost looked mosaic in design that also matched the detailing on the waist of the dress that was just under her bust. It had an ancient Roman feel with a modern touch that Rae loved. She was talking to the girls about it when this skinny brunette that looked to be in her early twenties came into the store with a couple of girls the same age. She had looked over at Rae and scoffed at her. She whispered at her friends and they all snickered very obviously at Rae.

“What ya laughing at?” Chloe glared at the three woman.

“Nothing, we’re just surprised is all” The brunette said haughtily.

“Surprised at what?” Becky asked forcefully getting up to stare down the haughty brunette.

“That there was enough material in all of England to make that big of a dress” One of the brunettes friends remarked snidely. Aullra took Rae’s hand in support as the others got up almost to form a shield around her.

“How dare you! Our friend looks beautiful in that dress and will take her fiancés breath away, so ya know what I suggest you keep your opinions to yourself” Sahra remarked coldly at the blond.

“Really someone’s marring you! How much did ya have to pay him to get him to the alter?” The brunette snickered as her two friends giggled.

“You bitch, seriously does it make ya feel better about yaself putting other people down” Izzy snapped and now was glaring at the women.

“Guess its true about what they say about gingers they’re hot tempered” The brunette smirked at Izzy while looking down at her with an air of superiority.

“Oh I’ll show you hot tempered you slag” Izzy was about to pounce on the rude brunette when Rae stopped  her.

“Izzy stop I got this…” Rae walked over to the ringleader of the group and smiled sweetly at her. “You know I have to say that you are a very beautiful woman on the outside but its too bad your inside doesn’t match the outside. One day your beauty will fade and all you will be left with is your ugly personality. You’ll find out real quick who your true friends are when that happens and I think you’re going to find yourself very alone” Rae looked at the women challenging her to say something and with an air of pity.

“Um whatever I can afford plastic surgery, you should try getting lipo” The brunette rolled her eyes and snickered.

“I feel sorry for you, I know my worth it’s a shame you don’t” Rae looked at the woman with sympathy, the shop keeper than came over to intervene.

“I’m sorry I’m going to have to ask you and your friends to leave” The older lady who looked to be in her late forties, tall, and slim, with dark brown hair elegantly put up in a bun and a stern face said in an air of authority.

“Um excuse me I came here to find a dress” The brunette huffed as she crossed her arms and rolled her eyes  to the shopkeeper.

“Well you’ll have to do it somewhere else than because this shop doesn’t cater to bullies. You may leave now!” The older lady said sternly as Rae’s friends and sister tried to contain their mirth.

“Well fine, I didn’t want to shop here anyways, doesn’t look like you have anything fashionable anyhow” The brunette huffed as she and her friends left the store. The shopkeeper turned to look at Rae and smiled making her look friendlier.

“That dress looks lovely on you dear, is that the dress you’re going with than?” Rae saw the name on the woman’s name-tag was Heather and smiled back at her.

“Um yes and thank you, Heather”

“No need for thanks its my shop and I won’t let anyone belittle any of my customers making them feel any less than beautiful. Every bride deserves to find that special dress without snide comments” Heater smiled than went behind the counter to look over something.

“Still thank you I’m gonna go change and buy the dress” Rae went and changed in her street clothes, she had carefully hung up the dress on the hanger than took it to the till to pay.

“Let’s see how much, ah you’re in luck dear there’s a sale on the dress fifty percent off” Heather smiled at Rae’s confusion as she looked around for sale signs but there wasn’t any.

“A sale but there’s no signs?”

“I just started it, two seconds ago” Heather had a gleam in her eye that made Rae believe that there was no sale.

“You don’t have to do that, I can pay the full amount”

“My shop my rules besides you are going to be a beautiful bride, consider it an early wedding present. Also if your picking out bridesmaids dresses I’ll give you a discount on them as well” Heather said kindly while Rae and the girls were just amazed at the generosity of this woman.

“T-thank you you really don’t have to” Rae was tearing up with graduated.

“I know but I want to and I was going to start a sale next week anyways, today was a preview” Heather smiled as she rung up the dress. Aullra, Chloe, and Sahra picked out their bridesmaids dresses next in the main color that Rae had chosen for the wedding, a midnight blue. They chose one shoulder dresses that were the same long length at Rae’s dress and very much in the same modern with an ancient roman twist to it. Rae noticed a dress in the corner of her eye than looked at it fully, she knew it would be perfect for her mum. It tore at her heart knowing that she couldn’t get it for the fact that Linda was becoming more difficult to dress nowadays, her and Karim would have to find a simple outfit for her to wear. After the dresses were picked out they all made appointments for fittings a few day before the wedding and than went to lunch.

The next day after spending time with the girls Rae had to make a choice of who her maid of honor was going to be. Chloe was an obvious choice but she also saw her sister in the position as well, she had called both to come over to tell them who she had chosen. Rae was busy straightening up the lounge waiting for them to come over when the doorbell rung. Rae went to the door and opened it for Aullra, a few second latter Chloe came in after. Rae explained that she couldn’t choose between them and had figured they both could be her maids of honor, Chloe and Aullra both eagerly agreed to the task and figured they could divide up the duty’s the befell a maid of honor. Rae had been shock and relived they had agreed to this, after Rae’s announcement the three of them had lunch talking about who would do what.

*******************************  

On a warm mid spring day Rae was walking into Finn’s office after one of her shows, she saw him stand by the opened window in his trousers and button up shirt but his jacket was off hanging on the back of his chair  blowing out smoke from his cigarette and eyes closed.

“I though ya were trying to quit?” Rae sat down in the chair she always does for their talks after her shows, today she didn’t have to watch her mum with Karim having the day off so she could spend some much needed time with him. Finn took one more drag, put out his cigarette and flung the butt out the window. He walked over to his chair and sat.

“Its been stressful this week balancing the station budget for the fiscal year, getting concert tickets and making sure the final preparations for the honeymoon are in order. I’ll try again after this week” Finn rubbed at his eyes than gave Rae a half smile, She got up and went behind him and started to rub his shoulders. She felt the muscles were tight and worked out the knots and Finn let out an appreciative groan.

“Thank you”  

“No problem but Finn why didn’t you ask for some help I would have been happy too help you, and what concert tickets?” Finn took her hand to still it and turned in his set than pulled her by the waist and on his lap, Rae instantly put her arm around his shoulder giggling along the way.

“You have a lot on ya plate already I didn’t want to add more stress to you and the tickets are for us to go see the stone roses this June in Manchester as an early wedding gift to you”  Rae’s face lit up like a Christmas tree for a moment than she turned her head to the side giving him a disappointed look.

“Finn you keep telling me to share my problems and burdens with you well that goes for you as well! I don’t want ya to try do things if its overwhelming for you, we’re partners and there to help each other out. Ok” Rae looked at him sternly in the eye to make sure he understood.

“Ok, from now on I will remember that” Finn kissed the side of her head.

“So the Stone Roses, really” Rae looked at him excitedly as Finn nodded his hand finding hers to hold.

“Yeah we’re gonna see them on the eighteenth, I thought we could make it a holiday weekend. Its not Knebworth and Oasis that ya missed but-”

“Its just as great though it’s the Stone Roses Finn and I love it. Thank you” Rae gave Finn a kiss.

“You’re welcome. So I see you played **[Purple Rain](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DD3AkQZcD_ME&t=MWJjMWE2NTRhMTg0YTI5ODA5ZDZiODQ3MmFlNmI2ZTFhNWRlNTE3Yix5NDdmeWRFeQ%3D%3D) ** today”

“Yeah it was for Izzy she was heartbroken when the news came out that Prince passed away. It’s still hard to believe he’s gone, I wasn’t as big of a fan as Izzy but I did like some of his songs and respected him as a music artist”

“Yeah I think like Bowie there won’t be another like him. Tough year for celebrities” Rae nodded at this than using her hand turned the chair around a bit to look at the papers on Finn’s desk.

“Mm-hmm Chop is still sad over Alan Rickman” Finn nodded knowing it was hard news for Chop to take about one of his favorite actors. “Ok so let’s see what I can help you with here on this budget”

“Alright girl lets get started then” Rae and Finn worked on the paper work until late that night and after every I was doted and every t was crossed they left and got dinner from the pub spending time with Becky and Danny talking about the concert and what Danny and Becky’s kids were up to. Soon they were home and headed for bed after a long day.  

*******************************

A couple of months passed by before Rae and Finn knew it. It was just about a month before the wedding and they lost the person who would marry them due to circumstances beyond their control. Danny hearing their predicament offered to officiate the wedding saying there’s programs online you can take to be ordained to marry someone, Rae couldn’t think of a better person to marry them and Finn had agreed. One day in early June Finn and Rae looked over the back garden at Finn’s dads house to see all the flowers blooming beautifully, that it was coming along nicely. Rae noticed the Gary seemed a bit sadder than usual and asked him what was wrong. Gary had told her that it wasn’t anything to do with the garden or the family it was just that he herd that one of his favorite boxers Muhammad Ali had passed away, Rae gave him a hug knowing the feeling of losing an idol. Rae and Finn had gone to a couple of bakeries to look at prices for cakes and see what they would want but nothing caught there fancy. Rae had found an ad for a new bakery in town and decided to look there next; unfortunately, Finn had a conference to go to in London for a couple of days so Rae would be going alone to check it out. She opened the door and the sent of cakes wafted in the air making Rae’s mouth water and stomach grumble, she looked around the shop at its warm atmosphere. She saw displays of cakes, cupcakes, biscuits and many delectable delights. Rae was looking at sheet cakes when the owner came in asking if she could help and Rae paused at the familiar voice and fought to not shake her head and laugh at the unbelievable coincidence.

“Amy Malone” Rae looked at the still slender woman that tormented her in collage in front of her, Amy looked just as shocked as Rae was.

“Rae Earl I can’t believe it”

“Well that makes two of us” Rae huffed out a awkward laugh.

“So I thought you lived in London?” Amy asked curiously playing with the towel in her hand nervously.

“I was but moved back nearly two years ago to help take care of me mum” Rae uncomfortably shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

“Well I hope she‘s ok and doing well now” Amy said sincerely.

“I wish she could but being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s that’s not going to happen” Rae had a melancholy look on her face as she looked away for a moment to compose herself than she looked at Amy giving her a small smile that never reached her eyes.

“Oh Rae I really am sorry to hear that” Amy looked at Rae with sympathy than looked down thoughtfully.

“Thank you Amy” Rae bit her lip not sure of what to do now, another familiar voice rang out from the back that made Rae shake her head again at the ridiculousness of it all. The man that the Irish brogue belonged to stepped out front and froze as he saw Rae.

“Hiya alarm girl” he said it without his usual air of smugness but with genuine warmth that surprised Rae.

“Liam! What is this the ghosts from my past day or sommat” Rae huffed out a laugh but still shook her head at this unbelievable day. Liam looked over at Amy than back at Rae.

“Looks like it! So what brings you back to Stamford thought you left it?”

“Came back to take care of me mum when she got ill”

“I hope it’s not serious” Liam said looking at Rae with concern.

“Um unfortunately it’s terminal. So how did this all happen? “Rae asked while pointing at Amy and him than the shop wanting to change the subject.

“I’m sorry about ya mum and well a few years back me and Amy reconnected and I told her all about me during collage and us. Me and Amy became friends, I found a therapy that finally worked for me. Turns out Amy here is a brilliant baker and shockingly I seem to be good at running a business. We decided to open up this bakery a few months ago” Liam smiled proudly as he put an arm around Amy who was just as proud.

“I’m really happy for you two and happy you went back to therapy Liam” Rae said sincerely and strangely proud of Liam.

“Thank you Rae and um I need to tell ya that I’m so sorry for being such a twat to ya in collage saying what I did and I-”

“Liam you were like me in a bad state of mind probably worse then me, we both hated ourselves than. I forgave ya a long time ago, thanks for the apology though it does mean a lot” Rae again said sincerely as Liam nodded his head in understanding that there were no hard feelings.  

“ Rae I also want to apologize for everything in collage I-I’m sorry” Amy looked at Rae ashamed at her actions all those years ago.

“Thank you Amy. For what its worth I’m sorry too for telling you about what happened with me and Liam like that in front of everyone in such a humiliating way. I made a lot of mistakes back than”

“Well so did I, thank you Rae. So what can we get you today?” Amy smiled at Rae looking relived at clearing the air between them.

“Right um I’m looking to get wedding cake for July tenth for me and my fiancé”

“So who’s the lucky man?” Liam asked as he made a cup of tea by the drink station behind the counter.

“Its Finn, Finn Nelson”

“So ya ended up getting back together! I had heard ya broke up” Amy said with a happy tone in her voice at this news, looking back she had to admit the love and connection the two had with each other.

“Yeah we did but stayed friends and when I moved back we reconnected again” Amy smiled than got out a book from the shelf behind her and handed Rae a book of pictures of the decorated cakes they offered to look at to see if any thing caught her fancy, Rae sat down at the table by the window and looked at them finding one she knew would be perfect and for a reasonable price.

“I think this one is it” Rae looked relived to finally be able to cross off another item off her list. Amy sat across from Rae with an order form to write down Rae’s information. Rae decided on a two-tiered cake with red velvet on the bottom for Finn and a simple vanilla cake on the top for Rae decorated with midnight blue  and lavender flowers in a cascade down the cake with midnight blue ribbon attached around the bottoms of the two-tiers of cake, Rae told them where to deliver it too and got up to leave.

“Rae um congratulations on your engagement I really do wish you and Finn all the best” Liam said genuinely as Amy congratulated her as well with the same sincerity that was in Liam’s voice.

“Thank you, both of you.” Rae pushed back some hair back behind her ear before giving them a small smile and walked out to finish her other errands still processing this strange day.

*********************************  
The knock at the door startled Rae out of her work, she stretched out her neck muscles left to right and right to left before telling the person who knocked to come in.

“Hey what ya doing? Chloe asked as she came into Rae’s room in the hotel suite that her, Rae, Izzy, Becky, Sahra, Aullra and Drea shared for Rae’s hen do weekend that Chloe paid for. Rae smiled as Chloe walked towards the desk and sat down in the little settee next to it.

“Oh just going over my old diaries from when we were in collage trying to get it in order to make it a book” Rae waved her hand over the old tattered books before her on the desk.

“Rae this is your hen do weekend and you brought work with ya” Chloe shook her head as Rae just shrugged back.

“I know but its taking longer to do this than I thought so I’m trying to work on it when I can”

“Why is It taking ya longer?” Chloe leaned in with interest as Rae sighed blowing some hair out of her way for it to only fall back causing her to push it back behind her ear.

“Well name changing and editing trying to be sensitive to people I mention that I’m still friends with. Not everything needs to be shared just the more important parts about my experiences that I think kids today would relate to, some things are just universal” Rae smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“There’s a but in there somewhere right?” Chloe raised an eyebrow as Rae nodded.  

“Yeah it brings back memories. It becomes too much and I need to stop for a bit before going back to it” Rae gave Chloe a small smile but didn’t quite reach her eyes as they shimmered with emotion. Chloe put her hand on Rae’s giving her a knowing look.

“Your mum right?” Rae nodded feeling the sting of tears start to burn at the rims of her eyes.

“All the terrible moments and good ones it just floods back. I just want to tell my teenage self to be kinder to your mum ‘cause she’s not gonna be around forever” Rae’s voice cracked like glass as the tears fell down her face, Chloe got up to give Rae a comforting hug and smoothed the back of her hair soothingly. Chloe wanted to say something but life experience has taught her that saying nothing and just letting your friend cry on your shoulder were the best thing to do. Rae pulled away a few moments latter wiping her eyes and took a breath before looking at her friend.

“Sorry about that” Rae said taking a shaky breath.  

“Don’t be its what friends are for right?”

“Yeah, thank you” Chloe smiled and shrugged before looking at the books and notes Rae had strewn all over the desk.  

“So is it ok if I can look at what ya have so far?” Chloe pressed her lips together eyebrows raised in curiosity.

“Well I guess its only fair I did read your diary” Rae handed her one of the tattered red books. Chloe Read a few pages with furrowed brows whilst biting her lower lip. After fifteen minutes Chloe looked up at her friend with a frown and sad eyes as she laid down the book on the desk.

“I was such a bitch to you at times wasn’t I? I didn’t think I was that bad I‘m so sorry Rae” Chloe asked with a mixture of regret and sadness in her voice.

“Well I wasn’t any better, but Chlo we both had messed up thinking and it didn’t help that the world happened to us both. It was after your time with Ian that I think our friendship got better slowly”

“Yeah it did but therapy really helped too. It really helped me see I was never in love with Finn just in love with the idea of him and were brainwashed with the messages media gave out, how I saw my mum treat me dad and those stupid teen and woman magazines I read. I can’t believe I gave you such crappy advise from them. My life has been better without them in my life” Chloe rolled her eyes thinking back to all the ridiculous articles she had taken to heart.

“Yeah they didn’t really help” Rae said in mock serious voice before breaking out in giggles causing Chloe to snort. Rae cleared her throat after a couple of minutes and looked at Chloe. “You never told me that about Finn though”

“I’m telling you now, he was the only guy that had ever treated me decently up to that point, thankfully my track record with men has improved with Rick being a definite winner” Chloe huffed out a giggle. “You know Finn also tried to let me down gently. He was so gone on you I never could understand and I was such a cow to you because of it. I understand now though”

“Because of therapy” Rae said knowingly as Chloe nodded yes.

“It really helped in so many ways. Rae I think you helped me save meself with encouraging me to go, I really never gotten the chance to say thank you” Chloe wiped at a tear in the corner of her eye, both women feeling like they had cleared the polluted air that hung over their friendship of their teen years for so long it fell freeing for the both of them.  

“Its what friends are for right?” Rae scrunched up her face in a smile.

“Yeah I’m happy our friendship has gotten better” Chloe said with sincerity in her tone of voice.

“Just like a fine wine some friendships get better with age” Rae quipped making Chloe shake her head rolling her eyes huffing out a laugh.

“Ok well you need to take a break from this and get ready to go to the spa for the mani and pedi plus hair and makeup I got set up for us before we hit the pubs for your hen do” Chloe got up pulling on Rae’s arm getting her up too.

“Ok, ok just let me change first then we can go”

“Well hurry up and don’t forget the sash you have to wear latter” Chloe gave Rae a hug before living the room. Rae put her stuff away to be worked on latter, she changed into a white loose peasant top with lovely beaded detailing around the neck line and some dark wash skinny jeans and black flats. Rae put her sash in her small hand bag and left to join the others and headed to the spa.              

***********************

Rae just finished dancing and walked to the bar to get another snakebite to quench her thirst. She turned to look out at the dance floor smiling at the girls of her hen do. Rae paid for her drink when the handsome barman handed her her drink congratulating her on her upcoming nuptials pointing at Rae’s satin sash Chloe made her wear to let everyone know she was the bride-to-be. Rae took a gulp listening to the beat of the dance song playing looking at her sister and girlfriend dancing than to Izzy, Chloe with Becky watching them dance in a group. Rae couldn’t help but wish her mum was there knowing she would be parting it up with the rest of them; Sahra broke off from the group and walked toward Rae.

“I know that look Rae, thinking of ya mum?” Sahra said in a knowing voice at what Rae was thinking about. Rae nodded her head sighing then took a sip of her drink.

“I can’t help it Sahra, I really want her to be here tonight having a laugh with all of us but mostly I just want her to be at the wedding mentally, to just be able to remember it” Rae took a breath blinking back a tear not wanting cry, she was so tired of crying of being in mourning for someone that was still alive.

“Rae I’m sure there is a small part of her soul that the disease cannot touch, its there that she will remember your wedding day and know who your sisters girlfriend is and everything that’s happening even though she can’t let you know it”

“That is a lovely way to think about it. I hope its true, do you believe it?” Rae wiped at a stray tear and took another drink of her snakebite.

“I have to believe it, I have to believe that one day I’ll see my dad again and that one day you are going to see your mum whole again but just in the next life from this one” Sahra gave Rae a small smile than wiped her own tears away.

“I hope so to Sahra” Rae said thankfully appreciating her friend’s kind words. Rae sighed looking down at her feet getting lost in the multi colored lights dancing on the floor, Sahra looked at Rae with her brows furrowed whilst biting her lower lips before putting her hand on Rae’s shoulder taking her out of her thoughts.

“Rae what else is troubling you?”

“Just worried about dad and leaving him with mum for three weeks while I’m on my honeymoon”

“Rae he won’t be alone Aullra’s helping and me. Do you think we can’t handle it?” Sahra asked curiously as Rae shook her head.

“No its not that I feel that you and my sister will do fine its just I think three weeks is too long. That I should only be taking a week for it, I feel selfish for taking a long one” Rae brings her shoulders up to her ears than lowers them before letting out breath.

“Rae you’re not selfish, you deserve to take as long a honeymoon as you want. You need this time off from helping your family and getting use to this new chapter in your life sharing it with Finn. Have you talked to Kester about this?”

“I have an appointment with him Tuesday”

“Good and I feel he’ll tell you what I just told ya” Rae huffed out a smile feeling Sahra was right about what Kester would say.

“Thanks”

“Your welcome now lets get back out there this is a party” Sahra laughed as Rae giggled. Sahra gave Rae a quick hug before they walked back out to the dance floor to dance the night away.

*********************************************

Rae walked into her suite at two am, tired, her ears ringing from the clubs and pubs she visited. Rae felt a nice buzz from her drinks but wasn’t very drunk she didn’t want to feel like she got run over with a truck in the morning. Rae took a warm shower and changed into her pj’s and headed for bed, just as she laid her head on the pillow her phone buzzed by the table near her bed. Rae smiled fondly at the name and hit the answer button.

“Hiya dickhead having fun?” Rae bit her lower lip as she played with the charging cord to her phone.

“I’m not the dickhead, you are” Finn said lightly laughing on the other end. “Yeah I’m having a good time, Chop’s taken us to ten different pubs and a couple of clubs”

“You don’t sound too drunk after that many pubs”

“That’s because I didn’t go overboard not like archer did, he did a practical striptease at one of the clubs” Finn huffed a laugh as Rae giggled.

“Oi and I missed that, I’m never gonna let him live it down” Rae giggled again as she snuggled more into her bed. “So what else happened?”

“Ah nothing much after that we came back to the hotel and he’s passed out next to George. Chop, Danny and Rick are attempting to play a card game at the moment although its pretty hard when ya shitfaced as they are”

“Sounds like you’ve had fun then. So why didn’t you go overboard?”

“Because I’m getting old and I can’t hold me drink like I could when I was younger our time in Manchester proved that to me. Fucking great concert though, So Why aren’t you drunker?”

“Same reason and i don’t want to feel like someone has pissed on me soul like Archie is going to feel like in the morning and the rest of them it sounds like” Both Rae and Finn laughed. “It really sucks getting old”

“Yeah but you’ll still be as beautiful as ever even when we are in a nursing home”

“Ooh well aren’t you sweet. What do ya want?” Rae asked suspiciously.

“Honestly to hold you and kiss the side of your neck just behind your ear that makes you whimper” Finn said in a low whisper that felt like a caress on her skin causing Rae to subconsciously lick her lips practically feeling his lips on her neck.

“Hmmm that sounds nice what else?” Rae bit her lower lip, her cheeks felt warm as she closed her eyes imagining him there with her.

“I want to run my hand slowly down the soft skin of your arm causing tingles on your skin than kiss your shoulder. I want to drag my lips across your collarbone than kiss the hollow of your neck. I’ll work my way to your pulse point, kissing and sucking on your skin making you moan out my name” Rae squeezed her thighs to relieve the excitement she was feeling between them as Finn’s seductive deep voice described his actions.

“Hmmm yesss, Go on” Rae breathed out as her heartbeat increased slowly whilst her hand unbuttons her pj top, she slid it in and fondled her breast lightly thinking of Finn’s strong hands on her.

“I want to kiss my way to your beasts and capture one of your nipples with my lips and flick it with my tongue than bite it lightly with my teeth” Rae moaned out as she squeezed her nipple. “I want to slide my hand down in between your legs and feel your wetness. I want to stroke your clit and make you groan. I love the way you sound when I’m pleasuring you” Finn’s breathing increases and Rae could hear him let out a soft moan.

“Finn are you touching yourself” Rae asked than sucked on her lower lip as her hand traveled slowly down to her heat and slipped it underneath her pj bottoms and knickers. She started to rub herself slowly as her hips moved.

“Yes” Finn growled as Rae imagined him stroking himself.

“Rae I want to slip my fingers into you and touch that spot that makes you buck your hips and groan out my name” Rae heard him breath out harsh breaths. “Than I want to kiss every inch of your body down to your other lips that I love to kiss so much” Finn said with what Rae felt sure was with a cheeky grin. “I want to taste you and lick your clit, make you come hard and lap up your juices” Finn groaned out as Rae circled her clit imagining his tongue was on her.  

“Oh Finn I want to feel you slide in and out of me so bad. I want you to move faster and harder until I cum, I want to feel you come inside of me Finn” Rae let the phone drop to the bed as she rubbed faster her breathing coming out in short bursts. Rae came hearing Finn grown out loudly on the phone, She panted as she came down from her bliss and felt for the phone finding it then put it to her ear.

“Finn you still there?” Rae whispered feeling very relaxed and sleepy.

“Yeah, wow I’m really glad I didn’t over do it at the pubs” Finn huffed out. “Ya know I just called to tell ya I love ya but this was good too” Rae could almost see his smirk.

“Well I love ya too and yeah it was but I can’t wait when we can do it for real”

“Oh you and me both. I’ll see ya when ya get home girl, I miss you” Finn whispered a tone of anticipation and woe mixed in his voice, he so wanted to cuddle her at this moment.

“I miss ya too and I’ll see ya Monday, goodnight” Rae sighed wishing it was already Monday she missed his arms around her and wanted to cuddle up to him.

“Night girl” Finn hung up and Rae put her phone back on the nightstand, she closed her eyes and drifted off in slumbers embrace.

***********************************

Rae walked downstairs dressed in some comfortable pj bottoms and top to give a final check on everything before she had to start to get ready for the wedding. She started to look over everything seeing that it was all ready to go, she than noticed that Amy and Liam were bringing the cake to the back garden and walked to the table it was to be laid on. Rae walked over to admire the wonderful work they did on it, after they put it down gently they turned their attention to Rae.

“The cake looks gorgeous, it’ll almost be a shame to cut into it” Rae huffed out a laugh as Amy and Liam chuckled.

“I don’t mind as long as people enjoy it” Amy smiled than pulled out an envelope.

“Rae here’s a card for your wedding again congratulations” Rae took the card with a surprised look in her eyes

“Oh thank you, um you two are more then welcomed to stay for the wedding” Rae gestured to the seats as Amy gave a look to Liam.

“As honored it is to be invited we do have a lot of deliveries today” Amy said as she shrugged her shoulders and gave Rae an apologetic look.

“Yeah if it wasn’t for that we would love to stay, but uh I wish you a lot of happiness Rae ya deserve it and Finn is a lucky bloke” Than Liam did something that through Rae off guard and gave her a hug, He than pulled away but stopped to whisper something into her ear.

“You were right Rae people can change and you helped me safe myself. Thank you” Liam pulled away as  Rae was shocked at his words and shook her head furrowing her brows together.

“How did I do that?”

“By proving it to me that it can be done because you did it” Liam nodded his head curtly giving her a grateful smile as Rae blinked back a tear.

“Oh” Rae breathed out in utter surprise.

“Well we have to go deliver a cake to a kids party, see ya Rae” Amy said giving Rae a wave bye and walked back with Liam following giving her a wave bye as well. Rae felt overwhelmed at this unexpected moment, she shook her head still unable to process it than made her way back upstairs to get ready before guests would soon arrive.

*******************************************              

Rae watched as the hairdresser put half of her hair up and then started to curl it in the back, the young woman then curled a few pieces of hair that framed her face. She then put lavender and midnight blue flowers at the crown of her head with a few cascading down the back as a finishing touch. Rae looked at her reflection with a tiny smile on her face as the style reminded her of how she imagined it in her centurion fantasy all those years ago in her room. Chloe, Sahra and Aullra had that same flowers in their hair but pined on one side. Chloe and Aullra helped Rae into her dress and Izzy did Rae’s makeup than started taking a few pictures of the bride and bridesmaids. Rae had gone and pulled out a bag form under Finn’s old desk in his childhood room in his dad’s house, she presented the girls small pendent necklaces with a record charm and a small diamond stone in the middle.

“I known these are supposed to be bridesmaids gifts but Izzy you and Becky both are getting one too for all that you have volunteered to do today”

“Rae thank you this is so sweet” Izzy gushed wiping at a tear.

“Oh babes these are beautiful” Chloe took her out and put it on her, Izzy, Sahra and Aullra following suit.

“Yeah Rae they’re lovely and a fitting way to remember music is what brought you and Finn together” Aullra smiled at her sister who was happy they all like their bridesmaids gifts. Rae looked to see there was another hour and a half to go before the ceremony at six that evening, the smells of food being cooked downstairs by Becky wafted up to the room making Chloe’s stomach grumble.

“Thank you Rae” Sahra said happily “I need to go wake up Lilly from her nap so she can get ready we’ll meet ya downstairs latter” Sahra waved than went to the spare room where her daughter was sleeping.  

“Rae I’m absolutely famished I’m going to get some tea and biscuits do ya want anything?”

“I’m fine Chloe thanks”

“I’ll go with ya Drea just arrived and I want to talk to her before the ceremony” Aullra waved at her sister and left with Chloe living Izzy behind with Rae, Izzy put the finishing touches on Rae’s makeup than took out her camera to start taking a few photos of Rae.

“So getting nervous?” Izzy asked as she snapped another picture and quickly checked it on her digital screen smiling at the wonderful shot she got.

“No just looking forward to seeing Finn we haven’t seen each other in four days because of his trip he had to make for a show and me coming here last night so I could finish the decorating in the back yard with Becky and Sahra. I’ve been missing him” Rae sighed as she played with a bit of the silky material of her dress, Izzy sat next to her.

“So I guess you’re looking forward to tonight than” Izzy wiggled her brows suggestively than giggled.

“Oh Iz I’m gonna attack that man tonight and he won’t know what hit him. And he’s gonna thank me after” Rae smirked before breaking out in laughter.

“You know I always knew you and Finn would find your way back together, a definite otp”

“Really ya thought that and what’s an otp?” Rae asked in confusion, a part of her like Izzy had hoped for the same thing although she figured there timing would never be right but deep down Rae always knew she still loved Finn and always would no matter the outcome of their story.

“Yes I did. You and Finn had something me and Chop didn’t quite have enough of. You just had to take a really long and winding road to find your way back is all” Izzy huffed out a giggle as Rae smiled at her friends infectious laughter. “Um an otp it one true paring. My assistant on my last photo shoot told me what it was, she’s twenty-three”

“I’m gonna kill Aullra, what’s the point of having a nearly twenty year old sister if she doesn’t tell me things. I might need this information for a book or somethin’ ” Rae huffed in mock indignation before snorting a laugh and shaking her head.

“Face it Rae were getting old and its harder to keep up with the younger generation” Izzy said in a fake older persons voice, hunched over with her hand on the small of her back and pretending to hold a walking cane.

“Speak for yourself Iz I haven’t found a gray hair yet when I do than I’m old” Rae and Izzy giggled. Rae looked at Izzy thoughtfully before speaking.

“So do ever wonder about you and Chop if ya never broke up?”

“No I don’t. Chop and I were only meant to be together for a short time I think” Izzy took another picture of the sunlight hitting Rae just right giving her an otherworldly glow like that of an angel. “We’re better as friends besides him and Sahra were made for each other. I couldn’t be happier for him. Why do you ask?” Izzy asked furrowing her brows tilting her head a bit looking at Rae questioningly.

“I was just wondering. Finn and I could have easily ended up being just friends as well not that that‘s a bad thing” Rae shrugged. Izzy grabbed her camera bag and put the camera inside it.

“Impossible you and Finn were meant to be friends and lovers I think, not one or the other.” Rae smiled giving her friend a hug, a knock at the door made Rae look up to see Karim and Linda.

“Mum, Dad come in” Rae got up with Izzy who told Rae she was going downstairs to take more pictures and to talk to her assistant that would record the ceremony and reception giving Rae the time to talk to her dad and mum.

“Rae you look beautiful” Karim beamed feeling tears in his eyes at the sight of his daughter. Linda looked at her but had a blank stare lost in the fog of her mind.

“Thank you dad” Rae smiled brightly giving him a hug than pulled away and looked at her mum feeling a melancholy moment in her heart but hoped what Sahra told her was true and Linda in some small way knew what was happening. Linda looked at Rae’s dress and smiled.

“Nice…um clothe. I wore a nice cloth like that once” Linda smiled without really looking at anything in particular, Rae smiled at her mum but tried to keep the tears at bay and took a breath than looked at the same look of sadness in her dad’s eyes.

“A Letter from your mother” Karim handed her a letter, Rae took it and put it on the desk to read latter.

“Thank you dad”

“Um I have something for you” Karim gave Rae a tiny box, Rae smiled and opened it to find a pair of dangling white opal earrings that looked ancient roman inspired in designed. “They belonged to my mother it is for something old” Karim smiled warmly as Rae put them in her ears they went well with her dress.

“Their beautiful thank you dad. It was the last thing I needed for my something borrowed, old, new, and something blue” Rae felt overwhelmed at that moment with Karim’s gift and having a father at her wedding, she looked over to Linda than looked down feeling the familiar sting in her eyes that had become a part of her life. Rae reminded herself of what Sahra said, there was apart of her soul that would remember this day and that her mum would be happy for her, is happy for her.

“I’m going to take your mother downstairs and leave you time to read letter. I’ll be waiting for you at the beginning of aisle” Karim left with Linda, Rae sat down and opened up the letter.

**_Dear Rae,_ **

**_I’m sure you’re reading this as you get ready for your big day and that Karim is probably nervous about walking you down that aisle._ **

“I never thought I’d have a dad to walk me down it, of course I thought I‘d never get married anyways” Rae took a breath as she went back to reading the letter.

**_I always figured if you ever did get married that I’d be the one to walk you down the aisle since victor was out of the picture. Also we were never a conventional family anyways so why not._ **

Rae huffed out a laugh “That’s true mum we never were but I wish you could”  

**_But when Karim came into our lives I could let myself see you have a father walk you down it. Of course here lately I’ve had to let myself imagine a lot of things about your wedding day like the dress you’re probably wearing. I’m sure it would be music related like having giant music notes on it or a picture of an album cover or something like that nothing mainstream as you say._ **

“Actually mum I went a bit girly you would have been surprised” Rae looked down at her shoes. “Well not completely girly I guess”

**_But if I’m wrong on the dress I know for sure you will be wearing your converse shoes maybe special ordered with a music theme to them._ **

“Well you’re right about the shoes I did have to special order them but their white to go with me dress mum, no musical theme in sight but now I wish I had thought of that” Rae felt a tear fall down her cheek and wiped it away already knowing she was going to need Izzy to reapply her make up.

**_Oh Rae I wish I could be helping you get ready or just genuinely annoying you as you get ready._ **

“I wish ya could too mum I’d even take you annoying me at this point” Rae saw a tear drop on the letter, she wiped away the tears on her cheek before continuing to read the rest of the letter.

**_I can see you having a small wedding you and Finn never were the showing off types and I’m sure its going to be beautiful much like I know you will be. I want you to remember a marriage in not just a wedding it is so much more. It’s a lot of communication and compromises besides just love and also not taking the other for granted if you can remember that you’ll do fine in your marriage. It worked well for Karim and I._ **

“Yeah I think Finn and I have gotten really good at that mum but I will remember it”

_**Rae if I’m there physically I believe that there will be a part of me somewhere that will remember you on your wedding day, I have to believe that I will.** _

“I do too mum, I love you” Rae let out a breath and finished reading the letter.

_**I love you my baby and I hope your wedding day is perfect for you and I know you will be a beautiful bride because you are beautiful inside and out.** _

_**Love, mum xoxoxo** _

**************************  
After Izzy redid Rae’s make up, Gary had come knocking. When he got the all clear to come in he walked into the room than stopped taking a moment to admirer his soon to be daughter in law. He took a moment to blink back a tear he felt pool at the rims of his eyes before walking toward Rae pulling out a box from the inside of his jacket.

“Rae ya look beautiful” Gary said before Rae got up and warmly hugged him.

“Thank you Gary”

“Now none of that, please call me dad” Gary rubbed at the back of his ears much like Finn does and Rae was sure it was a nelson trait.

“Ok, Dad” Rae huffed out a laughed as Gary presented the box he carried up toward Rae who smiled before accepting it. “What’s this?”

“Um it belonged to Finn’s nan and I wanted you to have it” Gary cleared his throat before nervously smiling. Rae opened it and was awed by the simple pearl necklace that lay inside the box.

“Oh Gar- I mean dad its beautiful and thank you” Rae clasped the necklace behind her neck and smoothed her hand over the pearls giving Gary a big smile.

“Rae I would tell you welcome to the family but you have always been a part of it and today is just making it official. I’m so happy you came into our lives, you brought sunshine into this family” Gary took a breath clearing his throat blinking back the sing of tears at the corners of his eyes. Rae reached for a tissue to dab at her eyes touched by Gary’s words.

“Thank you”

“Ok I’m going to find my seat. See ya in a bit” Gary hugged Rae before leaving, Rae looked in the mirror and dabbed a little more at her eyes.    

“Hi Rae I’ve got your bouquet here” Becky beamed at Rae handing her the flowers she had done for the wedding. “Now I hope you don’t mind but I pined pictures of your friend Tixy and Finn’s Nan on the ribbons hanging from bottom there” Becky pointed to the decorative ribbon hanging from the bouquet that Rae looked at more closely feeling overwhelmed at the kind gesture.

“No I don’t mind in fact that’s a wonderful idea it will be like having them here with us. Thank you Becky and for doing the flowers as well as the food” Rae gave Becky a quick hug and a warm smile.

“Oh its no problem I was glad to do it, flower arrangement and cooking is a love of mine. Ok I’m going to find my seat and Rae you look beautiful”

“Thank you” Becky waved and left. Rae made her way downstairs and to the back door where Chloe and Aullra were waiting, leading to the back garden. The garden was awash with white fairy lights in the trees and small glass jars with those battery operated tea light candles cascading from the branches to give the back yard light for after sunset. There was a set of round tables covered with lavender tablecloths with midnight blue table runners and beautiful centerpieces of lavender and midnight blue flowers with baby’s breath mixed in. On the outside of the centerpieces were photocopied album covers decoupaged on the glass. There was a small dance floor with a DJ set up for dancing later near the tables. Rae took a breath as she saw her friends and Family sitting in the rented fold up chairs and Danny standing at the end of the aisle. Rae looked for Finn but didn’t see him, Chop came over to the girls.

“Hey Baby girl” Chop looked nervous, which Rae found strange. “Uh I’m sorry to be the one to tell ya that Finn’s not here he’s late”

“What d’ya mean late? I set his alarm on his phone and the one at home. I can’t believe this he can’t be late, not on his own wedding day” Rae took deep breaths felling a bit panicky and trying to get it under control.

“Chop if Finn is running late than how can he be standing at the alter with Archie” Izzy pointed to Finn and Archie just walking up to stand next to Danny giving Chop a death stare that scared everyone, Rae sighed in relief than tuned on Chop with a cold stare of her own.

“Ah shit” Chop swallowed and looked sheepishly at Rae. Izzy, Chloe, and Aullra shoved him on the arms. “Ok don’t gang up on me I was only kidding just trying to break up any nervousness” Chop stood over and away from the women as well as Rae just in case.

“Chop if that was ya idea of making me not nervous it didn’t work and not fucking funny either just like ya one eared elephant joke” Rae glared at him that sent ice trough his veins.

“Oi that joke is mint” Chop said seriously.

“No it’s not Chop it never was” Rae said replied back, just then Sahra with Lily in the most precious flower girl dress came over to stand by the group.

“I think this little miss is ready to throw some flower petals” Everyone awe’ed at Lily as she walked up to Rae to give her a hug.

“Hello little one you look so nice” The little girl smiled than wiggled wanting down. Rae let her down as everyone got in there places.

“Ok what did you do Chop” Sahra put her hand on her hip seeing how Chop stood away from everyone, Lilly held onto her daddy’s hand.

“Nothin’” Sahra cocked an eyebrow up pressing her lips to the side. “Ok I played a little trick and now I see it was probably not well thought out. I’m gonna go get in place, you look beautiful Rae” Chop said quickly and left Lilly with Sahra than walked to where Finn and Archie stood as Sahra shook her head.

“Rae I’m gonna go too and get in place to take pictures” Izzy smiled brightly than got in her place. Sahra took Lily’s hand and got in place followed by Aullra than Chloe and finally Rae. Music begin to play signaling the ceremony was starting. **[The Cure’s Impossible Things](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DO9AG1De6WDk&t=ZjIyMDY5YTM4NDFjNjlmMTQyODk5Y2YyMDFmMjc2MTM5MDM4OGM5Yyx5NDdmeWRFeQ%3D%3D)** started to play, the guests turned to watch Lily and Sahra start walking forward to the altar, Chop smiles at the lovely ladies that he’s lucky to have in his life. The song fades into **[The Smith’s There is a Light That Never Goes Out](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dn-cD4oLk_D0&t=NWVmM2E1ZjcxZjA4NmFjODA3OTgwNWExN2IzZWYxZTFkMzg4ZGRiMyx5NDdmeWRFeQ%3D%3D)** as Aullra made her way down the aisle taking a moment to smile at Drea who looked at Aullra as if she held the moon and stars in her hands. The song blends into **[Bowie’s Word on a Wing](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D5PYvqa7DFNc&t=ZjRhZjVmOTRkYWZmZjgyNDQzNzk3MjQyZTY0NmZmYTRhNzZkZTE0Zix5NDdmeWRFeQ%3D%3D)** as Chloe walks down to her place by the alter, she winks at Rick when she passes by him. Rae takes a breath as Karim stands next to her linking his arm into hers.

“You ready?” Karim asks as he put a calming hand on her arm, Rae looks at him nodding and a bright smile on her lips. They both walk to the start of the aisle, instead of the song here comes the bride the notes of **[Bob Marley’s Is this love](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DCHekNnySAfM&t=ZDE0YzM2ZDFiZjU2YTBiOGNkNzllNjJlZTRlM2M3NGJlM2MwNGNiOSx5NDdmeWRFeQ%3D%3D)** plays. Rae and Karim start walking down the path leading to the alter as Finn looks at Rae with an opened mouth shaking his head at the complete surprise in song choice and tears in his eyes at how beautiful she looks, he knew he would remember every detail of this day, the sunlight in her hair, the movement of her dress that made her look like a goddess, the beaded detailing, the one curl of her hair the touched her cheek, the warm smile on her face with that mischievous twinkle in her eyes. Rae looks at him mouthing the words only for you than winked at him with a hint of a smirk on her face. They walked closer to the alter and finally Rae and Finn were standing in front of each other with Karim finding his seat next to Linda who seemed to be a bit curious of all that was going on around her and calmed with him next to her.  Danny cleared his throat before smiling at both the bride and groom.

“Hi everyone” Danny gave a wave to all the guests making Rae smile and Finn bite his lip trying to hold in a laugh as the wedding party shook there heads slightly. “So we’re gathered here for the wedding of Rae and Finn two of me closest friends since we were teens. Its been a long road for these two but today their separate paths will blend to become wider for them to walk on into their shared future together” Everyone looked at Danny with some sort of shock on their faces at his eloquent words.

“When Rae and Finn where teenagers they fell in love with each other and became a couple then they broke up twice but stayed friends. They have been given a rare opportunity of a second chance at love with the first love of your life. I’m humbled to be up here to marry them and I don’t think I’ve ever seen two people more right for each other than these two people standing before us well maybe next to me and me Becky” Danny looked at Becky with red tinged on his cheeks as he gave her a dopey smile, Rae couldn’t help but smile as Becky dabbed at her tears and waved away at Danny’s sappiness. Little Rachel, Tixy and Kester all giggled and then shh’ed by their mum.

“Rae and Finn have written there own vows so Rae will go first and then Finn” Danny looked at Rae giving her the cue to go on. Rae smiles at Finn as he wipes away a tear at the corner of her eyes than holds her hand.

“Finn, When I first met you I thought you were an epic slice who massively knew it and was a grumpy sod. In fact I thought you were a prick who couldn’t even be bothered to even remember my name, calling me May all the time” The guests chuckled at that as Finn huffed a laugh. “But my first impression of you was wrong, you stood up for me when no one ever had before” Archie looked down sheepishly thinking back on his failure at standing up for Rae, Finn blinked back a tear giving Rae a warm smile. “You showed a side of yourself you rarely showed the world, your kindness. You saw me when I thought no one did, you loved me before I could love meself. You never gave up on me even when I tried to push you away. You’ve been there for me when I haven’t been strong enough to handle things on my own, held my hand until I could than let go so I could shine” Rae wiped at her eyes as some guests did the same. “ I love you Finn, I love that smile that’s only for me that makes me feel all a flutter, I love how you look at me like I’m a goddess and I love how your embrace makes me feel safe. I promise that I will talk to you when I’m slipping, to be there for you in sickness and in health. I promise to not take you for granted, to be there for you when you need me. I promise to love and to cherish you until death due us part” Danny wiped his eyes before clearing his throat.

“Rae do you take Finn Wolverine Nelson as your husband?” Danny asks Rae, trying not to let out a giggle at the middle name as Finn looks at his dad with an eye roll at his love of the x-men. Rae presses her lips together trying to let out a giggle either, she takes a deep breath before answering.

“I do”  

“It’s your turn Finn” Finn took a breath giving Rae’s hand a gentle squeeze.

“Rae, like Danny said it had been a long and winding road for us to get here. I have never been great with words but I’m going to speak from my heart. When we met I never met a girl like you, you were loud, funny and very opinionated on music. I didn’t know what to make of you but you intrigued me I than saw a vulnerability in you and your strength when ya got stuck on that slide at that pool party” Rae cringed than huffed out a laugh shaking her head at Finn. “We became friends than lovers then broke up to end up being friends again. Rae I tried to get over you after your first year of uni but as much as I tried to fool meself I couldn’t. I couldn’t get over how the sun shines on your hair giving it a luminescent glow like you were an  angle. The sparkle in eyes when ya found a rare album. How could I get over how your hand fit in mine like two puzzle peaces coming together perfectly or your smile that can light up a room and make my heart beat faster. How could I get over your strength and beauty inside and out that amazes me to this day and beyond” Rae felt tears pool in her eyes and blinked them away as the gang and the guests either dapped at their tears in their eyes or blinked them away. “You are my best friend, the love of my life, my home, my heart and the music in my soul” Finn blinked back his tears as Rae smiled at him with such a warmth that it touched his heart. “I promise to be there for you in sickness and in health, to love and cherish you, to never take you for granted. To be there for you when you’re not strong enough and to support you when you are. Until death due us part.

“Do you Finn take Rachel Alice Olivia Earl as your wife?” Danny asked.

“I do”

“Now the rings Please” Danny gestured to Archie who pulled out of his pocket a black box then held two simple white gold rings. Finn took his and showed Rae the inside of it, she gasped lightly at seeing the words and date **_“Rae & Finn 10/7/2016”_**, Finn took Rae’s left hand in his.

“Repeat after me Finn, with this ring I thee wed”

“With this ring I thee wed” Finn said as he placed the ring shakily on Rae’s finger, Rae took her ring and took hold of Finn’s left hand.

“Repeat after me Rae, with this ring I thee wed”

“With this ring I thee wed” Rae said a tear falling down her cheek as she put the ring that had the same engraving on it on Finn’s finger. Finn wiped at her tear smiling at her warmly.

“With the power invested in my by the internet website that ordained me” a murmur of laughter broke the silence of the moment. “I now pronounce ya husband and wife. You may kiss the bride” Finn cupped Rae’s face in his and tenderly kissed her lips. They started to get lost in the warmth and love of their kiss as it deepened and as they pressed closer to each other. They were brought back to the moment with Archie clearing his throat and murmured under his breath “That was practically pornographic”, Rae and Finn both felt heat on their cheeks as they pulled apart noticing the knowing looks everyone gave them with a few smirks mixed in and  ew’s from the kids. The notes of **[Bowies Be my Wife](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DNUOjT_ALOh8&t=MzI3NDM5ZjA0ODNhNDM3MDk2ZTczNGQ2NzUzNzMzMGIyNmVhYTlmMyx5NDdmeWRFeQ%3D%3D)** started playing as Rae and Finn started walking down the aisle with the rest of the wedding party following behind them, Rae, Finn, Archie and Chloe took time to sign the certificate of marriage with Danny signing as the officiate. Izzy took pictures of the couple and wedding party as the other guests made their way to the tables, Becky put out the last of the food for everyone to enjoy. After pictures Rae and Finn sat at their table with the wedding party sitting on either side of them. They ate a simple meal of hot pot and cottage pie, the recipes from Linda and Finns Nan, something the couple wanted to do as a nod to the two very special women in their lives who couldn’t be with them on this day fully or physically. After the food was ate it was time for speeches with Archie going first.

“Hello everyone. Finn and I have been best mates since we were in primary, I’d say were more like brothers and I couldn’t wish more for a better friend that Finn here. Finn here has gotten the both of us into some hot water a time or two. I remember we were ten and Finn got it in his head to go into the old McPherson’s place that was condemned and hold a séance to contact ghosts because he saw it in a movie. Well it was dark and as how all kids are we worked ourselves up with every shadow and noise the old Victorian made and were sacred shitliss  when a homeless person came up behind us asking what we were doing there, of course at the time we though it was a ghost. Needless to say we never went back” Archie and Finn looked at each other as the memories played in their head both of them smiling at it as the guests chuckled.

“We’ve been there for each other in difficult times, when his mum left and when I came out, and in good times when we won the football tournament in our first year of collage, he got the DJ job at the radio station and I got into the uni I wanted. Rae I meat before my second year of sixth form and we became friends quickly even after she found out I was gay before I told everyone in not the best of ways and I will admit I did wrong to her and I’m thankful she forgave me when I know I didn’t deserve it” Rae nodded her head in agreement than told him she did the same to him and was thankful he forgave her and that they both learned something from it. She smiled small at him full of emotions. “but I’m thankful still to have these two special people in my lives, who have my back and I theirs, I wish them much happiness. To Rae and Finn!” Archie rises his glass along with the other guests and the happy couple before they all take a sip of their drinks. Archie sat down giving his boyfriend George a wink as Chloe got up next.

Its my turn to say something as one of the maids of honor” Chloe looked at them before clearing her throat. “I remember a certain afternoon when the three of us were hanging out in a certain boy’s bedroom, well ok I admit, I crashed in on what was just an invite for Rae to hang with Finn. I also admit I had a crush on him but looking back when Rae asked me who was better Morrissey or the lead singer of the smiths and I said it depended on how I felt, I knew I was tricked. I saw the smirks on their faces and knew I didn’t stand a chance although I still held out hope but in hindsight they were a better fit _that_ I know now. By the way I now know Morrissey was the lead singer of the smiths Rae…” Chloe and Rae both let out a laugh. “So to Rae and Finn may your life be filled with music and love its what connects you two” Chloe raised her glass as the rest of the guests did the same. Aullra was the next to go.

“Ok its my turn as the second maid of honor. Finn I have always felt like you were a big brother to me always looking out for me since I was a baby just like my sister has and I’m happy that you are officially  my brother-in-law. Welcome to the family I love ya both, cheers” Aullra raised her glass a watery smile on her face as the room cheered, both Rae and Finn hugged Aullra with a hint of tears in their eyes. One by one the guests gave small congratulations and well wishes for the couple. Karim stands than clanked his knife on his glass to get everyone’s attention.

“Hello everyone, my Linda has a letter for this occasion that I will read” Karim takes a breath as he takes the letter out of his pockets and opens it, he takes a glance at Linda sitting next to him who stares off at the fairy lights and tea light votive’s hanging from above. He clears his throat before reading.

**_Dear Rae and Finn,_ **

**_No relationship is easy and I think you both know that from your past experience with each other. The road you are traveling on will be full of bumps and some really bad potholes that will test you sorely. Karim and I have been tested a few times and are being tested now. We chose each other to get through it together even thought that is harder to do for us now but that’s love really besides being unconditional, patient and kind, it’s also choosing each other to help get you through the test of life. I know you will be there for each other because you have been choosing each other for years now weather it was as lovers or friends. So to Rae and Finn I wish you both all the happiness in the world, many years of joy in your future and few bumps and potholes on your road you now travel on together._ **

**_Love Linda_ **

Rae wiped at the dampness her tears left on her cheeks as Finn took her hand giving it a squeeze, they looked at each other knowing that Linda was right that all through the years they have been choosing each other and would always continue to try. After Rae and Finn thanked everyone for being a part of their special day they had gone to the dance floor that glowed form the setting sunlight, Jake the DJ from the radio station started playing the song they would dance to for their first dance as husband and wife. The first cords started playing and Rae closed her eyes and shook her head refusing to move a muscle.

“NO, no I am not dancing to **[Babylon bloody Zoos Spaceman](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DGeUx5sdp3qM&t=ZmZiYWY2ODg2MWRjZWRiMDFlYjI0MTFhMDQxOTgyZTYxYjE3OGJlZSx5NDdmeWRFeQ%3D%3D)** ” Finn couldn’t help but chuckle before signaling Jake to stopped the song.

“What! I thought this was our song” Finn looked at her with innocent eyes but the smirk playing on his lips gave him away. The guests just smiled at the couples playful teasing.

“No its not and I give ya zero for starters on your song choice. Ya better have another one” Rae playfully glared at him as Finn nodded that he had. Finn told Jake to play the real one, Finn takes Rae in his arms as the notes of **[Oasis’s Wonderwall](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DQiaFRVWYysA&t=YWM1OWFkZDE0MDk5MDU2NDk0ZDUwYjI1ZTFjNWE3NTY0MWI0M2ZlNCx5NDdmeWRFeQ%3D%3D)** played they dance together looking deeply into each others eyes as their loved ones watched on. Finn thought Rae looked like a goddess as the reddish orange sunlight gave Rae a soft fiery glow.  

_“And all the roads we have to walk are winding, and all the lights that lead us there are blinding  
there are many things that I would like to say to you but I don’t know how” _ Rae sings softly.

_“Because maybe you’re gonna be the one that saves me and after all you’re my Wonderwall”_ Finn sings softly in unison with Rae. They continue to the last note and Finn gives Rae a soft kiss on her lips before walking off the dance floor. Rae goes over to Jake to tell him to get ready to play the song for her and Karim to dance to. She grabs the microphone to speak to the guests.

“Hello everyone, um this next song is for me and my dad Karim. As you all know he’s my stepdad but he has become more of a father to me than I ever hoped for. Now in the beginning I didn’t really give him much of a chance but he had showed great patience and love to me and my mum” Rae took a glance at Linda who looked at her with an emotionless stare than looked back at her dad. “We went through a lot when I was in my teens, when my sister Aullra was born, and our family is going through a lot now. I know that when I need him my dad will be there for me and the I’ll be there for him when he needs me and this song called **[When You Need Me by Bruce Springsteen](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DWY2-hUoq3iQ&t=NWZmZTg3OTFiOGUyNmNlNTkzYWQ0OGUzMDg4ZGI2NjkwZTdiZmUzMix5NDdmeWRFeQ%3D%3D)** sums that sentiment up nicely” Rae put the microphone down on the tables as Karim walked over taking Rae’s hand and the both of them walked to the dance floor, with the first note they begin to dance      

_When you need me call my name_  
‘Cause without you my life just wouldn’t be the same  
If you want me come sunny skies or rain  
When you need me just call my name

_If you miss me, I’ll be there_  
To brush the sunlight from your hair  
I’ll be there to guide you when  
trouble walks beside you  
If you need me I’ll be there

_And when this dirty world has been cold to you_  
_I got two strong arms waiting’ to hold you_  
And when those mean days come along  
We’ll stand together and we’ll take 'em on  
So if you need me just call my name

_When you need me call my name_  
'Cause without you my life just isn’t the same  
'Cause when this world kicked me around  
You picked me up off the ground  
So if you need me I’ll be there

With the last note Karim gave his daughter a hug before Finn takes Rae’s hand and the two start dancing to **[Primal Scream’s Moving on up](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DaKFYtUJFYVE&t=ZWY0MmE0NmFjNjUzZmFhNTY2ZWQ5YTQ4ZmU3N2YxNDc3YWZiMzdkZix5NDdmeWRFeQ%3D%3D)** with their guests joining in. After the last note of **[Oasis’s She’s electric](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D04hcZwqYVpI&t=YmEzZWZlZTJlMjg2ODAwYTYxZjZlYjhkYmVhNzUyNzEwMDNlN2YwOSx5NDdmeWRFeQ%3D%3D)** played it was announced that it was time to cut the cake, after the devouring of the lovely confectionery that Amy and Liam made, more dancing continued when **[The Charlatans One to Another](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=denied%3Arhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DO7lgxoLFnU&t=MjUxZDRlMGQ5ZDE5MWFiNzU3YzNhNWM3N2EwZTMwMjRhN2ExNGNjNCx5NDdmeWRFeQ%3D%3D)** started to play along with many of the couples favorite songs though the evening. Rae tossed her bouquet with Aullra and Chloe waiting to catch it and it ending up in the hands of little Lily, of course Chop chimed in that it would be a long time before she would be getting hitched. Finn took his time to take Rae’s blue garter belt off her leg with his teeth making Rae shake her head at him, it ended up in the hands of Becky and Danny’s son Kester. Danny and Chop couldn’t help but shake their heads and laugh at the silliness of it all. Karim walked up to Rae and Finn a little later telling them he and Linda were leaving for home as Linda was starting to get tired and agitated. Rae understood and hugged him goodbye then Finn shook his hand, Rae and Karim than walked over to Linda.

“Who who you why am I here” Linda looked around wearily as she fidgeted with her hands. Rae took a breath to keep from crying and gently put a hand on her shoulder that Linda shrugged off. Rae withdrew her hand and just in a soothingly calm voice started talking to her.

“You were here for a wedding but Karim is going to take you home now” Karim came and stood next to Rae as the other guests looked on, the merriment of the evening pausing as the scene unfolded before them.

“Yes I want home” Linda looked at the man standing before her and softened as he held out his hand for her to take which she did cautiously. Karim than waved at everyone before taking his wife and headed for home. Rae faced away from the guests to take a moment to compose herself blinking back tears. She felt a hand on her shoulder turning to see it was Aullra giving her a supportive smile but the pain in her eyes mirrored the same feeling in Rae’s.

Finn walked up to Rae taking her hand as she turned to look at him with a sad smile upon her lips, he gave her a hug whispering comforting words in her ear. Rae and Finn found their way back on the dance floor and danced to **[Mazzy Star’s Fade into You.](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DImKY6TZEyrI&t=ODRhMGRhNWM4MmZjNWQ4MWVmOGIwMmUzZDM3Yjg1MTU4ZGE5MDBlNix5NDdmeWRFeQ%3D%3D)** They embraced and let themselves get lost in the song as their friends danced around them the merriment continuing only now with a bit of a somber mood mixed in. Soon one by one Rae and Finn’s guests left saying goodbye with more well wishes for the couple. After the last guest left and Gary had gone inside to turn off the fairy lights leaving just moonlight and a few tea lights still lit to light the dance floor Finn had Rae stand in the middle of it and went to the dj set up.

“Finn what’s going on? It’s late we need to get some sleep before our trip tomorrow”

“I know but I wanted to dance to one more song with my wife on our wedding day” Finn smiled warmly as he played the last song, soon the first guitar notes of **[Primal Screams I’ll be there for you](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DLxBzE3BOCDs&t=NWQwMGM4OGJjYTdhMmI4OWFlMzI1OTA0NDhkODUwMjNlMzY4OTE3OSx5NDdmeWRFeQ%3D%3D)** started playing.

_You will never be a stranger, I will always be your friend  
Be you devil, be you angel, I will always love you 'till the end_

Finn walked over to Rae who’s face beamed like the sun at him, he took her into his arms and swayed to the music.

_I’ll be your shelter, I’ll be your shelter_  
In times of storm (times of storm), I’ll keep you warm  
I’ll be there for you, I’ll be there for you  
I’ll be there for you, I’ll be there for you

Gary stood in the doorway of the sliding glass kitchen door looking on as his son and daughter-in-law danced, he hoped that wherever Finn’s nan was that she was looking down upon them wishing them all the luck in the world and much happiness.

_If your head is strange and messy, if your spirit’s cold and dark  
If you’re feeling like an outlaw, if you’re burning out your star_

_I’ll be your shelter, I’ll be your shelter_  
In times of storm (times of storm), I’ll keep you warm  
I’ll be there for you, I’ll be there for you  
I’ll be there for you, I’ll be there for you

Finn placed a soft kiss on Rae’s lips as they continued to hold each other moving around the dance floor with moonlight and the soft glow of the tea light candles glowing on them.

_I’ll be your shelter, I’ll be your shelter_  
In times of storm (times of storm), I’ll keep you warm  
I’ll be there for you, I’ll be there for you  
I’ll be there for you, I’ll be there for you  
I’ll be there for you, I’ll be there for you  
I’ll be there for you, I’ll be there for you

The final cord played of the song and the couple made their way into the house and up to Finn’s old bedroom. Gary house swapped with Finn for the night to give the newlyweds time alone. Rae started to take out the Flowers in her hair as Finn took of his tux jacket hanging it on the hook by the door, Rae finished with undoing her hair letting it fall down her back. Finn walked up behind her moving the raven locks to one shoulder and placed his lips on the crook of her neck making Rae go “Mhmm” at the tingle it caused. Finn unzipped the back of Rae’s wedding gown the straps slacking and falling down her shoulders, Rae removed her arms out of the straps and let the dress fall in a pool at her feet. Finn kissed down her shoulder than back to her neck and up to behind her ear that always made Rae whimper, he ran his hands down her arms to her hands and held them bringing their arms around Rae’s stomach in an embrace giving her a squeeze.

“I love you” Finn whispered in her ear, she then turned to look into his eyes with a warm smile on her lips, she lets go of his hands and turns in his arms sliding her hands up his tuxedo shirt to his collar and resting them on his shoulders.

“I love you too” She kissed him softly, tenderly as she starts to unbutton his top and taking it off him, Finn walks her to the bed as she starts on his trousers, Finn reaches around and unclasps her bra and let it slide off her freeing her breasts. Rae takes his trousers off leaving them only half naked, he takes his arm around her waist and leads them to lay on the bed with Finn in-between her legs. They take time in savoring every inch of each other with every touch and kiss, feeling connected more than ever before. Finn slips off Rae’s knickers and removes his boxers, he finds his way to her mouth to kiss her lips passionately leaning his weight on his right forearm and intertwines his right hand with her left together placing their joined hands above Rae’s head. He positions himself and trusts into her making them both gasp with pleasure at the feel of their souls connected once more. They make love slowly as a fire builds between them with every rocking motion they make and soon they cry out when it consumes them completely. They hold each other as their breathing returns to a normal easy state, soon they drift off into a content sleep.

**********************************

The next day Rae and Finn got ready to go on their honeymoon to Italy as a villa Chops family owned for the next three weeks, they packed up their car and drove to Rae’s parents house to say goodbye one last time before they left. They pulled in the driveway and got out than walked to the door that opened the moment they got close.

“Hi newlyweds” Aullra tested as she hugged her sister and brother-in-law than ushered them into the house, they hugged Karim in the lounge and chatted for a bit with him, Aullra and Andrea. Linda was sitting by the window looking at photos again than looked around but unaware of anything going on around her.

“So dad you have our number at the villa and mobiles than and you promise to call if anything happens?” Rae asks worrying her bottom lip with the same emotion in her eyes, Finn giving her hand a gentle squeeze just wanting to ease the worry he knew his wife was feeling with this long trip their going on.

“Yes Rae we will be fine” Karim said in a reassuring voice understating his daughters worry.

“Rae me and dad have got this and Sahra will be by from time to time to help pulse Drea will be here to help” Aullra looked to her girlfriend with warmth in her eyes and voice as Andrea smiled at her. “ Now say ok Aullra, OK”

“Ok Aullra” Rae smiled small at her sister. Finn said it was time to go and everyone got up to walk to the door. Finn watched as Rae gave a hug to Aullra, Karim and Drea than Linda appeared looking at the people before her. She then went to Rae and gave her a hug surprising everyone.

“I told you would be a beautiful bride Rae” Linda whispered into her ear as something tore at Rae’s heart, Rae whispered a “thank you mum, I love you” to Linda as they let go of each other although Rae wanted to stay in that moment a little longer knowing it may be that last time her mum would be in a clearing in the fog of her disease.

“I love you too Rachel” Linda than stood near Karim whose eyes glistened with moisture and Aullra wiped away a stray tear from her face as Andrea held her tighter. Rae and Finn got into the car with Rae looking back to her family and went on their way to enjoy the lasts moments peace before life would start to test them all.       

  *   
  




**Author's Note:**

> A/n: hi so hope you liked it. So my grandma had Alzheimer’s and it gave me the idea to do this story with rae having to deal with her mum having it and the impact it would have on her life and her family. I named Raes sister Aullra from this cartoon I watched as a kid in the 80’s ( voltron was the cartoon if ya want to know) and it had a princess in it and that was her name, I always thought it was a beautiful name so I decided to use it in this story. Also Rebecca was the name of my grandma so since this was inspired by her I put her name in the story as wall. Please don’t hate me for breaking up Rinn and Chizzy too much, that’s life not everyone stays together due to different idea of where there life is heading, if your not going in the same direction in life love just isn’t enough to keep two people together. Ok bye now J


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